[pointing loaded gun at Billy and White] I MIGHT BE HAVING A HEART ATTACK! I am over-weight, over fifty, and I am speedballing tranq darts and pure adrenaline!
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
[To his two remaining invisible limbs] Armando...Legtenant Shankley...good to have you back!
Did you push State like I asked you?
I hate to be the one to break this to you, Rust, but your boys are pathetically underprepared for adulthood.
Well, sure, Hank's a bit of a late bloomer, but did you catch Dean's little mustache? Really starting to come in.
Yeah, regardless of the 'stache, neither of them knows a thing about the real world.
What are you talking about? Those kids have been around the globe more times than Gaëtan Dugas.
But the stuff those beds have been teaching them is more dated than Funk & Wagnalls. I mean, what college do you think is gonna accept transcripts from a talking bed anyway? Especially since, if I'm reading this right, Hank didn't graduate.
HANK!
Way to go, Heidi! Samson's down by three with a minute left in the game, and you just cut the feed! What in God's name do you want?!
I want to join up with you guys!
Yeah? Well, my boot wants to join up with your ass, and I'm about to throw 'em a shotgun wedding!
If you were gonna jerk us around like this, then why the hell did you even agree to see us?
WHDr. Willard Harris
Honestly?
That would be a nice change of pace.
WHDr. Willard Harris
Because when my secretary told me a "Dr. Venture" was here to see me, I thought she meant your brother.
Yeah. I feel like that Jewish guy who lost all his powers when they cut his hair off.
Uh, Samson?
Lenny Kravitz. It's not all about you, you know?
Yeah.
[The Phantom Limb is restored to full health]
You've done it, Richard! You've replicated my original machine to a T! I'm whole again!
[In supervillianous costume] The name's not Richard anymore, Hamilton. From now on, I'm Professor...Incorrigible!
Ooh...
Professor...Indolent?
Ugh!
Professor Infamous.
Mm...ah...
Professor Indo-China!
They're all a bit...forced...
Professor Inscrutable?
It's downright unreasonable. I could pole-dance better than half those women. Good lord, son, there should be a mandatory retirement age for strippers.
Did you see I got cornered by Robin last night? I almost had to chew off my own arm to get away.
Ohh, that poor woman has the saddest tits. Damn depressing.
Right? Yeah, they're like The Notebook sad.
Her tits are like "coming home from school and finding out that your old man ran over your cat" sad.
Mournful. She has mournful tits. They're like two suicide notes stuffed in a glitter bra.
Those things are like a little kid with progeria cracking all his ribs trying to catch a Nerf ball—just sad. Damn it, she has gloomy tits!
It's like she put a dollar's worth of change into some old socks and then taped them to her chest.
I want to build two little caskets and give her tits a tasteful, dignified funeral.
I fought an 8 year old, and the only reason I won is he tripped into a spike. I had my eyes closed the whole time - until I heard an 8 year old dying on a spike!
ZZero
Fight.
[throwing down his shield] What is with you?!
[throwing down trident] With me?! I do everything for you, fella!
You boss me around like you gave birth to me!
ZZero
[over the continued argument] Stop this fighting and fight one another! We wanna see you fight! Stop fighting and fight!
One—in all reported cases, the abductor was Zeus, the Greek god of thunder and rock 'n roll. Yes, agents Kenan and Kel?
RMRed Mantle
We just want it on record that we don't like our code name.
Noted.
I want notes, lists and answers by the time I finish this here Juicy-a-Box! WARNING: I am Thirst-ay! And it is Fruit Punch! And it is Delicious!
[The Supervillians prepare to be fitted with an experimental power-negating device for the Summit]
...Very well, but you may have to give me the shot in my derriere. Needles can't penetrate my electro-impalpable limbs!
'Needles'. Yea good one. Try huge spikes.
[A gigantic torture-machine is unveiled, including a chair and hundreds of sharp steel spikes]
WWard
They're wonderful and frightening and they go into the sides of your neck and they replace all your blood!
You get your blood back at the end of the summit, unless that 'loss of life' thing happens. Then we send your next of kin a big jug of blood and a very nice card.
Agent Matthew Perry! (pronounces the last name as "Purry")
...I dunno. Hey...my arms feel like they have ants running around my bones. Fascinating...
NOT AN ANSWER!
I’m not gonna fight him, they can’t make me fight him.
White you are such a sissy.
I’m a sissy. You're calling me a sissy.
Oh yeah, I get it. I’m out and proud and I’m the sissy. I’m brave enough to be who I am in the face of assholes like you, and I’m the sissy. Maybe when you come outta the closet you can walk a mile in my jimmy Choos.
What?! I am so not gay.
With that pink shirt and that oh-so-sad dye job.
I’m a albino, and this is my lucky shirt. It was red when I bought it.
I hope I fight you next. You BIG sissy.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Venture Bros. pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.