Torrid's a dick. Who does that? Who opens up hell, honestly?
If Torrid gets the portal open we’re done for. Once the second-world comes through, we haven’t the power to stop them.
I gotta be honest, I’m scared. I’m like a 9 scared. 9.3 maybe.
We should all be at 10. There isn’t a sorcerer alive who has the ability to fight the denizen of the second-world. I’m a 10.
If Orpheus is going Bo Derek then I'm pushing it up to 8.
I admire your bravery. Now are you ready to wage our final battle?
What? Hell no. I have one more thing to try. [Yells at Torrid] Stop being a pud. Knock it off you dimbat. Nobody wants you to open a door to hell.
[ Cthulhu comes out of the portal and reaches for Torrid]
TTorrid
No, no. I command thee!
[It grabs Torrid and throws him inside the portal]
Something just came out of the vortex and killed Torrid. So, that happen.
The time is now. Triad join me. I am Dr. Orpheus, master of mysticism.
I don’t wanna do that introducing ourselves bit, it’s goofy. Lets not die being goofy.
I’m with Al. Maybe we can sing a Stevie Wonder song together!
Yeah, that’s not much better.
[Billy just finished operating on the OutRider’s head]
It's out! I did it. So, am I part of the Triad?
Triad implies three. So...
All right. Then you guys have to pay my rather steep fee.
Welcome to the Mystical Order of the Triad, Special Brother Billy!
[as Future Dean] OK , listen: I’m the Master. I’m like your dad’s omnicient boss, so let me give you some advice. Get on with your life. You think anyone can just walk into to your closet and see me?
Never would of thought of that!
[as Future Dean] It’s a regular closet to anyone without The Gift. I mean, you can start your training now, and seriously, you can make better money with this stuff than you can as the manager of The Gap.
Yeah, my dad kinda wants me to go to art school.
[as Future Dean] Yeah, and get the world’s most useless diploma! Forget your dad, he’s just trying to save you from his life, not yours. Triana Orpheus, you should go live with your mother and begin your training to be a sorceress. It's your destiny! And it's way cheaper than art school!
2#24
Seriously, ask me any question.
2#21
Okay, what's the meaning of life?
2#24
No, idiot! Ask me something less Hitchhiker's Guide, dork.
2#24
Yeah. Well, not quite souls but, it's a general idea. Everything has a soul.
2#21
Crap. So I guess I should become a vegetarian?
2#24
No. Like everything living has a soul. Even spinach. You can't win.
2#21
Oh, so that's ... the problem.
2#24
Here's something. You know how people cry about aborting babies because of their "soul"? It turns out you don't get a soul till' you're like one.
2#21
So weird. One? Really?!
2#24
Or maybe six months, I forget. Anyway, you're just this crying ... pooing ... monster blob till you get your soul.
2#21
That's amazing, I should tell everybody! People need to know about this!
2#24
Oh definitely, and maybe you should write it all down on a golden plate, or maybe get some aviators and a compound in Guyana-
2#21
Okay, I get it. Dude, I barely believe you're real. I mean, if there were ghosts, they'd be freakin' everywhere
2#24
Eh, not necessarily. You can only haunt someone you were close to, (voice echos) in life.
2#21
And you chose me? Out of everything, you chose me?
2#24
Uh, before you get all teary-eyed, I could only choose between you, and a cocoon that is constantly getting blown up.
2#21
Still, you could've-
2#24
Or Beth Seaton. But she's not fifteen anymore so she probably doesn't like me (voice echos again) "that way".
Damn it Shore Leave, you’ve ruined another outfit. Think Betsy Ross works here? I’m the one who has to sew this back together, you clown.
[Brock laughs]
What are you laughing at, Mr. Blood stains on everything?
You know that he rips those himself. He just tears it off like a Chippendales firemen, every time.
For one, because it looks super-cool.
2#24
Yes, my master. What is this, I Dream of Jeannie? What do you want?
2#21
I need you to check the Venture Compound and deactivate the alarms.
2#24
I’m not a poltergeist, I can’t move stuff. But I’ll take a look around if you do that thing for a couple of my new friends.
2#21
Oh, come on! OK fine, quickly. I’m in a hurry.
2#24
This is Speedy, you remember him, and this is President Woodrow Wilson. They bet me you couldn’t do it.
WWWoodrow Wilson
Velvet Hour!
2#21
Sarah Jessica Parker, and she also has Lovely, Twilight and Dawn. And a whole bunch more.
WWWoodrow Wilson
Astonishing, he’s like the Rainman of the celebrity signature perfume. UNSCRIPTED!
2#21
Patrick Dempsey. I know it’s insane. And Tim McGraw and Carlos Santana also them.
2#24
Alright you guys, I win. Looks like you have to tell Helen-of-Troy how awesome I am.
2#21
Brock Samson, at last we meet.
2#21
Don’t pull that shit with me. [#21 displays his fighting acrobatics] I don’t know why you're here and I don’t care. I’ve been waiting for this moment for a year.
[#21 hits Brock in the face]
Ah, very nice. Somebody's been training.
2#21
This is like Christmas, my first BMX bike and meeting the cast of Firefly all-in-one. Let’s go. Come on Samson, bring it.
OK tubbs, let see what else you got.
[#21 kicks Brock but he blocks it and then hits #21 to the ground]
You didn’t think I was gonna take it easy on you, did ya?
2#21
I was fucking praying you wouldn’t. You gotta bring it. BRING IT!
2#21
We are getting hammered out there! Sgt. Hatred does not share Brock's aversion to firearms, and now even their robot's packing heat! We need body armor.
Well, what's that you're wearing?
2#21
I had to buy this myself online! I'm out-of-pocket an AT-AT Walker, two Greedos, and a Landspeeder. And not everyone here has Star Wars duplicates to sell on eBay. Half these guys weren't even born when Empire came out, and the rest are barely making minimum wage!
HHenchman
You guys get paid?
2#21
And another thing—retractable wings. I mean, this is ridiculous! These things are just big, clumsy, orange kill-me signs in the battlefield, and it's not like it's any better when we get back here. Every doorway in this cocoon is tapered at the arch.
Well, we're not changing any doors, but we'll take the wing thing under consideration.
2#21
I have a better solution, and I've brought some visual aids. Big-screen! [A big monitor is lowered, giving the following presentation] Gentlemen, and lady, I give you the henchman of the future. The Mighty Monarch Mark-V Henchsuit. Made of flexible poly-alloy, they are lightweight, fireproof, and bulletproof. In keeping with our insect theme, the turbo-hydraulic exoskeleton increases the wearer's strength and agility tenfold. But it's not all about defense. The Mark-V also boasts an impressive array of offensive weapons, including grappling spears, gas-propelled rockets and 25-millimeter heat-seeking, fire-and-forget missiles all controlled via heads-up display built right into the state-of-the-art helmet.
Which reminds me—people, I'm told you're using too much bandwidth, so if you're not using the Internet for official...
2#21
Whoa! Whoa! Hey, hey! Wait a minute! What about my Mighty Monarch Mark-V Henchsuit?!
Oh, come on, 21. If half that stuff even exists yet, it would cost a fortune.
2#21
Well then why don't you send us out to rob a bank or ransom the moon or something! Aren't you guys supposed to be supervillains?
We have a more...specialized practice. Look, we just can't afford it right now, okay?
[coming in on his "Butter-Glider"] Check out what I just bought!
Don't you have one of them fancy machines that can just look inside him, you know, like...with computers?
But he's right. We need to see inside Rusty's brain, and to do that, you know what we need?
An aeronaut! And an armored bear!
Wait, wait, wait, wait. What are you— oh, geez! No! Come on, not that old cliche.
Cliche nothing! It is a classic!
Innerspace is not a classic!
That's, like, a great film!
Then why don't they make it on DVD, huh, fella?
They totally do. And, whatever—I was talking about Fantastic Voyage anyway!
No way! A thousand times no! I’m not letting those clowns shrink my 40 million dollar secretly funded nuclear submarine to go fight the fucking cavity creeps!
Then when our dad dies, are you guys prepare to adopt us?
No, but I'm considering a extremely late-term abortion! Samson! What part of secret underground headquarters does that square-head of yours fail to grasp?!
Look, they live next door, what am I supposed to do?
Wipe their pink little minds and send them back home, like I told you!
They discover us every other week. I can’t keep doing that, its starting to make them buggy. Listen to this. Dean, what day is today?
Goooooood! Now Hank, what color is my tongue?
It’s kind of... Wednesday! Like a light Wednesday.
