We were just passing by and heard that you had a butterfly problem.
And you see, me and my associate here are amateur lepidopterists.
Yoooooouuu want to see my stamp collection?
Only if we were philatelists.
Which we aren't, Mr. Smart Guy.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
H2Henchman 21
Listen dude, don't get cozy with us. You're the guy who doesn't come back.
H2Henchman 24
Yeah, some guy who just shows up that nobody's ever seen before!
H2Henchman 21
And he's all professional- Yeah, dude, you're a goner.
H2Henchman 24
(putting his arm around Henchman #1's shoulders) Let me tell you a story about a little henchman named Speedy...
H2Henchman 21
You still don't get it. 24 and I have been on, like, a thousand missions. We've been shot at, dipped in acid...
H2Henchman 24
Brock Samson hit me with a car. Drove right into my kidney. Here I am!
H2Henchman 21
Yeah, we can walk across this floor and nothing would hit us. But then like this huge log would swing down and take your head off.
H2Henchman 24
Hey, here; what's your name?
H1Henchman 1
Henchman number 1.
H2Henchman 24
See, you are nameless.
H1Henchman 1
I'm Scott Hall, my name is Scott Hall. Okay?
H2Henchman 24
No, won't help.
H2Henchman 21
Yeah, now it's just pathos. So you're dying in my lap and I'm all "Scott! Scott don't you quit on us! Don't you dare!!"
H2Henchman 24
You just made your unavoidable death more pathetic.
H2Henchman 21
(pause) Fuck it. (begins walking across a laser tripwired floor) Nothing's gonna happen to me.
(after getting shot with tranquilizer darts) Oooohhh...It's like gettin' sucked off by an angel!
(Kano holds young Rusty, who is aiming a sniper rifle, on his shoulders. Col Gentleman sits by, wounded.)
That baby's gonna kick like a virgin, so you have to re-level quick. Aim for the bastard's neck. Hold 'im up there, Kano! I don't care if he wets himself and your head; that boy is gonna see somebody die! And if he doesn't want it to be his father, he'll have to pull that trigger!
White! White! Get in here!
[shudders] Congratulations, you discovered pornography.
This isn’t an invention, it’s a responsibility. We need to study this, and if we find that it will help mankind move peacefully forward, then we shall share its teachings, because we are not only men of science, we -
We ... are men of hope.
How'd you know what I was gonna say?
Come on! Your dad said that at, like, the end of every episode!
CLCol. Lloyd Venture
I'm sorry. I didn't know we were out of options.
FFantômas
Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know it was sarcasm day.
CLCol. Lloyd Venture
I'm sorry I wasn't aware of your delicate constitution.
FFantômas
I'm sorry you smell like spoiled fruit.
MTMark Twain
Fantômas has a point.
CLCol. Lloyd Venture
How dare you, sir! Why, I smell of freshly cut flowers!
Samuel, the orb is a source of untold power! We must take our time and learn how to harness that power for the good of mankind!
FFantômas
Woah there, the orb is ours. The guild will decide what is best for mankind!
OWOscar Wilde
For shame! This guild was founded to protect and serve man at his best, not to be a guild .. of calamitous intent!
Alright. Let's start again. Get me a dictionary.
But we have the internet.
I don't wanna play World of Warcraft. Get me a regular dictionary. (talks to himself aloud) Ugh, internet. It's only good for finding out that your boyfriend is sleeping around. Friggin' MySpace. What, I'm not supposed to look at his friend's comments? They're right on the first page! It's hardly snooping!
KKano
ORB? Master Rusty has found ORB? (laughs) Did he find it under the couch while looking for change?
(The Monarch, Dr. Girlfriend, The Moppets and 21&24 ride in the Monarch Mobile to storm the Venture Compound.)
I wanted to take the cocoon.
That just what Venture expects us to do. But he won't expect this! You and your two best men, me and my...men. We keep it slim. Elite forces!
Great idea. One of your "elite forces" is playing Tetris on his cell phone, while the other is peeing into a grande chai latte.
2#21
God, I wish! It's like there's a vice on my wing-ding! You guys gotta stop talking so I can get in the zone.
(Brock confers with Hunter Gathers, who has transitioned to female and is now working at a strip club)
(to Doc) I'll only be a minute. Will you just wait out in the X-1 with the boys?
You came in the plane? You call parking a supersonic jet in front of a titty-bar inconspicuous?! Who taught you to be a spy, fucking Gallagher!?!
I'm gonna need some wheels.
(climbing onto the table and thrusting his crotch in Brock's face) You can take mine. But you are not gonna like looking for the keys!
Damn it Hank, if we get out of this alive, I'm going to kill you myself!
Na-ah, you don't have a license to kill anymore.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Venture Bros. pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.