The Master quotes from The Venture Bros.

The Master

Orpheus, you are my best and brightest pupil, even if you do taste a little salty. You're ready, Orpheus. Now get the hell out of this closet and go win that incredibly gay contest! Go! Go!

The Master

Look, Orpheus, I know why you're here, and I chose the form of Argos to teach you a little lesson.

Dr. Orpheus

Don't you mean Cerberus? Correct me if I'm wrong, but Argos was Ulysses' dog. He had only one head.

The Master

See? See? There you go, right there. That's what I'm talking about. You're a know-it-all, and no one likes a... (one of his heads begins to lick his crotch) Wait, hold on a sec.

Dr. Orpheus

I only know that I know nothing.

The Master

Way to quote something I said like a year ago. But I'm serious, hold on. This other head likes to clean my genitals with his mouth. I know it sounds weird, I let him do it because it feels great. Oh yeah. The problem is that I can taste it. So, I taste my own genitals. In my mouth. It's a... conundrum.

Dr. Orpheus

Master, what bearing does this...

The Master

Hey, will you let me enjoy this? Damn, do you know how good this feels? Oh no, wait, I'm sorry. Your wife left you because you DON'T know how good this feels!

Dr. Orpheus

Master! Master, are you here? I have need of your counsel. Ooohh...

The Master

Orpheus, you’re going to love this, check me out, huh? I’m Catherine the Great’s horse, to teach you a lesson about biting off more then you can chew! My partially-lovely assistant, Miss Manyface, will be playing the part of Catherine.

Hi.

The Master

Enough with the chatter. Get under there...Don't wince!

Dr. Orpheus

Master, far be it from me to question the relevance of your symbolism, but I'm very certain the whole "horse" thing was an urban legend...

Dr. Orpheus

Tatyana, what are you doing here?

Master

[as Tatyana] I was just sitting here thinking how glad I am that I left you for the OutRider, and how he does that thing you used to do with your mouth, but better because he can hold his breath longer.

Dr. Orpheus

Oh... it is you. My Master.

Master

[as Tatyana] Duh, Orpheus. Now what’s all this cry-baby crap about. Aren’t you used to the OutRider making you look like a shnooke by now?

Dr. Orpheus

He came out of a portal to the second-world. I have been training my whole life just to perceive that there is a second-world, and he can move between them. Tell me Master how can this be?

The Master

[as Tatyana] The love of a good woman can do wonders, Orpheus. I mean look at me, [Puts hands on breasts] and these are natural C cups. Aren’t they beautiful? I mean, you could bounce a penis off these!

Dr. Orpheus

I doubt my ex-wife's breasts are the answer.

The Master

[as Tatyana] It doesn’t stop there; I’m sitting on what is easily the ass of a teenager. What does she do pilates or something? You can rest a coffee mug on it.

Dr. Orpheus

Really, she’s almost forty by now!

The Master

[as Tatyana] Well, you tell it to the heinie Orpheus, because it still thinks it's 1992.

The Master

[as Future Dean] OK , listen: I’m the Master. I’m like your dad’s omnicient boss, so let me give you some advice. Get on with your life. You think anyone can just walk into to your closet and see me?

Triana Orpheus

Never would of thought of that!

The Master

[as Future Dean] It’s a regular closet to anyone without The Gift. I mean, you can start your training now, and seriously, you can make better money with this stuff than you can as the manager of The Gap.

Triana Orpheus

Yeah, my dad kinda wants me to go to art school.

The Master

[as Future Dean] Yeah, and get the world’s most useless diploma! Forget your dad, he’s just trying to save you from his life, not yours. Triana Orpheus, you should go live with your mother and begin your training to be a sorceress. It's your destiny! And it's way cheaper than art school!