Zack quotes from The Suite Life on Deck

[walks to everyone in a scuba diver suit] Mr. Moseby, I think I got to the bottom of things.

And?

It seems something clogged an air duct causing an internal rupture which cracked the window.

Bailey

Was it my corn snips?

Cody

Was it my sujihiki?

Woody

Was it my powerful bowels?

[to Bailey] No. [to Cody] No. [to Woody] Ew. It was this pocket hanky! Apparently you dropped your hanky into the vent when you got scared by that dolphin and wet your pants. [she leaves]

[smiles nervously] Oops. [his cellphone rings] Ah! It's Mr. Tipton! He's gonna wanna know who to throw off the ship. I don't want to leave!

Bailey

We can't let Mr. Tipton fire Mr. Moseby.

London

Oh give me the phone! [takes the phone and talks to her dad] Daddy, I flooded the Aqua Lounge. It was all my fault. Yep, it's Switzerland all over again. Mhmm. Mhmm. Yay! Bye daddy! [hangs up]

Marcus

Well, did he kick you off?

London

Nah. He just cut my allowance to 50,000 a week.

Cody

Looks like no one is leaving the ship after all.

Marcus

[looks at his cellphone] I'm leaving the ship!

What?!

Zack

But it's Moseby's fault.

Marcus

I know, but I just got an email from those producers about my hip hopera, they said it was the most ridiculous thing they have ever seen!

Bailey

Then why are you so happy?

Marcus

They said it's going to be the next big comedy. They're moving my whole family to New York; I'm going to star in a Broadway show! I'm going to be the lead tooth.

Zack

Comedy? I thought you said it was a serious love story about overcoming adversity.

Marcus

Look, it's a stupid song about a girl with bad teeth.

[singing] Retainer baby, retainer baby, I require that wire.

[still singing when everybody stops] Retainer baby! [makes weird noises then stops] Guess it's cake time.

Marcus

Well Mr. Moseby thanks again for everything. Before I leave I want to give you something.

Please Marcus you don't need to do that. Your friendship is gift enough.

Marcus

Well it's a Little Little t-shirt made into a pocket hanky.

THIS IS THE BEST GIFT EVER! [hugs Marcus and leaves]

Bailey

Aww! This reminds me of my goodbye party when I left Kettlecorn except you're leaving and I'm not. And we're on a boat not on a barn. And there's not a giant twister barring down on us. [hugs Marcus] Oh Marcus, congratulations!

Marcus

Thanks! [Bailey leaves]

Marcus

[to Woody] Well Woody, I'm going to miss you.

Woody

Marcus, I always thought of you as a brother. A real brother. Not like this kid named Neil who's forty years old and lives in my treehouse.

Marcus

Well I got nothing to say for that so let's just cut right to the man hug. [hugs Woody]

Woody

We're gonna miss you Marcus.

Cody

Just want to say good luck big guy. To think you'll be entertaining people while promoting proper dental care? I am so proud of you. [hugs Marcus]

Marcus

I'm going to miss you Cody.

Cody

I'm going to miss you too.

Marcus

[to Zack] Zack, I think I'm going to miss you most of all.

Woody

Hurtful.

Zack

I'm going to miss you too buddy. You know you're the only roommate I've ever had that I didn't hate.

Cody

Hurtful.

Zack

[hugs Marcus]

Marcus

Well you guys, I just want to say thank you for everything. Before I came here I was going through a really, really tough time but you guys took me in. You made me feel like family and I will always be grateful to you so thank you. And if you guys are ever in New York, please just look me up.

Zack

You know what? We just might do that someday.

London

Someday? How about now? Take me with you!

Marcus

Okay! [picks up London and starts to leave]

London

Next stop Tiffany's! Whoo!

Zack

dot , dot, circle, circle with a stick, dot with a stick and a feather. It doesn't make any sense

Marcus

Those are notes!

Zack

I got a note for you, BORING!

Woody

Zack we need your help!

Zack

Okay, step one: deny everything! Step two: if they don't believe step one, blame your twin.

Zack

Hey, Cody... I went on a date with this geeky girl... (Begins to describe her, making a point of how horrible she is)

Cody

So?

Zack

So! I got her number for you!

Cody

(Sighs and looks really angry) Why can't anyone understand that I'm perfectly happy alone? CAN YOU NOT SEE HOW HAPPY I AM?!?!?!

Cody

So, big change on someone's online profile.

Woody

Oh you saw I got my 10th friend, double digits baby!

Cody

Yeah, it's nice that your grandma finally accpted your friend request.

Woody

Actually, it was my mum, nana's still pending.

Cody

No, i'm talking about Maya's page. Looks like she just updated her status to 'in a relationship'. You know what this means Zack?

Zack

Yeah, she's really into me, can you blame her?

Cody

Noo-oo It means you've gotta change your status too, and well, your whole life.

Zack

Well I don't. I already got Maya. It's all smooth sailing from here.

Cody

Smooth sailing - just like the Titanic! You have no idea how much work it takes to maintain a relationship with a girl.

Zack

What work?

Cody

Well, they always make you put them first. Suddenly what you want doesn't matter anymore. When we started dating, Bailey made me join her stupid quilting circle!

Woody

You were in that before she was!

Cody

Whatever, my point is -

Woody

Actually didn't you start the quilting circle?

Cody

My point is you're gonna have to start making changes my friend!

Zack

No no no I'm not gonna change for anyone, not even Maya

Cody

[walks out laughing] That guy!

Zack

What does Cody know about women; except he's a pedicure away from being one?

Woody

So does this mean that you're not gonna change your status to 'in a relationship'?

Zack

No way! Just cause Maya changed her's doesn't mean that I have to change mine.

Maya

[Walks over] Hey Zack, did you happen to notice my status?

Zack

Well of course I did..

Maya

Sooo...

Zack

So it was very nice of you to do that.

Maya

And... [flips hair]

Zack

And.. I was just about to change mine, but I wanted to see your face when I did it.

Maya

Aww Zack!

Zack

See that's the face!

Woody

Way to hold your guns, pal!

Maya

[phone bleeps] Hmm? I just got a request from a Mildred Fink.

Woody

Nana! Hurtful!

Carey

Ew, that was the worst one yet! Tasted like goats feet!

Cody

The throw up's starting to taste better than the soda!

Zack

Don't give them any ideas. That will be the next flavor!

Cody

What's The Big problem?

Zack

Look at my room!

Cody

Your room is always a mess.

Zack

I Know but I always keep my dirty socks on the left side of the bed in case I trip while I'm on my way to the bathroom.

Woody

Oh so you have a comfy pile of dirty socks to fall in.

Woody

Clever!

Zack

But now they're on the right!

Zack

The Right!

Cody

You're not going to tell us it's the stupid captain ghost.

Zack

Shh! Don't Call him stupid! He might get angry

Woody

Why would a ghost be haunting you?

Cody

We were hormone-crazed 12 year old boys. We saw women popping out of everything.

Cody

Plus you don't even have any actual evidence of a ghost being here.

Zack

I'm not gonna be the only one here tonight. (as Zack closed the door) Cause you two are staying here too.

Cody

Woody, stop pulling my blanket off my bed.

Woody

What? I'm not even near your bed.

Zack

Ah! Ghost! Ghost!

Cody

What happened?

Zack

The ghost, he pulled my blanket off my bed!

Cody

(starts whining) Or it fell on the floor.

[To Zack] Do you hear that? [Shakes her glass in his face] It is the sound of my glass being emptied. Fill it. [Shoves glass at him]

Zack

Hey, I don't work here!

[Appalled] You mean you wear those close on purpose?

Zack

I offered to stay with her, but you know Maya doesn't like anybody to see her when she's sick.

Woody

I've never seen anybody puke like that. It landed all over the shuffleboard court!

London

On the upside, it landed on the 10!

[To London] You. [To Zack] You. [To Woody] Not you.

Zack

[To guard] Look buddy, he's okay. He's with me.

Do you want to go in or not?

London

Well, see ya! [Leaves]

Zack

I'll stay with you, buddy.

Woody

[As guard detains him] Go ahead. I'll be okay.

Zack

Thanks, buddy. [Follows London]

Woody

[To guard] I can't believe he actually went ahead!

Zack

I really wanted to get a video of Rafi saying Hi to Maya.

Woody

[Holds up video camera] Got it.

Zack

You got it? You met Raphael?!

Woody

Well, not exactly. I was walking, and I dropped my glass on his foot and he said "Aiiiiiiii!"

Zack

Thanks, buddy. Maya's really gonna love this.

Zack

[hits Woody]

Woody

Ow! What was that for?!

Zack

For having a pretty sister. [hits Woody again]

Woody

Ow! What was that for?

Zack

For not telling me about her. [hits Woody again]

Woody

Ow! What was that for?

Zack

Nothing. I just like hitting you.