Carey quotes from The Suite Life of Zack & Cody

Carey

You're gonna write those girls an apology and an essay on why peeping is wrong. Five hundred words each.

Zack

Five hundred words? Couldn't you just ground us?

Carey

One thousand.

Zack

One thousand!

Carey

Two thousand. You wanna go for three?

Cody

Quit while we're behind. You don't even know three thousand words.

Zack

You back-stabbing lowlife jerk!

Carey

You better be talking to him.

Zack

I am.

Carey

Well, don't talk to him like that.

Carey

Having a younger sibling can be tough. I remember torturing my younger sister.

I didn't know you had a sister.

Carey

Yeah. She doesn't talk to me any more.

Carey

With what I made last month and with what you spent. What we have left for bikes is -$12.

Zack

Can I get my -$6 in cash.

Carey

Relax, Cody. I think you're putting too much pressure on yourself.

Cody

I'm not putting too much pressure on me. Harvard's putting too much pressure on me! Yale is putting too much pressure on me! Princeton! M.I.T! Stanford! Do you think they're out there looking for under-achievers? If I don't ace woodshop, I'll end up being one of those guys who sells hot dogs and sleeps in a taxi!

Zack

Hey! How much does that pay?

Carey

London, when you said you wanted me to sing to the guests, I thought it would be in the main room, not the bathroom.

London

I want my guests to be entertained at all times.

Carey

Well, now my career is literally in the toilet.

Zack

And then I get back and they're all crying into their pizza!

Carey

Well, honey, I'm sorry your date was ruined, but you got what you deserved.

Zack

Is there no shoulder for me to cry on?

Carey

You pushed you brother to go out before he was ready just so you could have fun. Honey, it's gonna be a long time before he's comfortable around girls.

Cody

[entering the suite with Jessica and Janice, all laughing] I had a wonderful time, ladies.

Jessica

Don't forget, see you tomorrow for breakfast.

Janice

Tea and scones! [they both kiss Cody's cheeks]

Cody

Pip, pip! Cheerio! Ta-ta! Peace out! [girls leave] Yes! Zack, I can't thank you enough. If you hadn't told me to get back out there, I'd be sitting here alone and so depressed! ♪Rule Britannia, Britannia rule the wave...♪

Carey

What have I told you, Zack? "Neither a borrower nor a lender be."

Zack

Well, I'm halfway there. I never lend.

Carey

I spelled it p-o-l-i-t-i-c-k-s.

Zack

So you got it right.

Carey

You locked him in the hallway with no clothes.

Zack

But two weeks of no TV is cruel and unusual punishment.

Carey

Don't push it. And if you do it again, I'll ground you so long they'll write country music songs about it.

Carey

What is it with you? I tell you not to do something, you promise not to do it, and you do it anyways!

Zack

Life, it's all a learning experience.

Cody

[chiming in] And you learned nothing. [to Carey] I'd go with "no allowance".

Carey

And just where do you two think you're going?

Cody

[to Zack] I don't get it. She didn't even turn around!

Zack

Ok. The eyes in the back of her head thing is really creepy!

Carey

Just so you know, my vision is twenty-twenty-twenty-twenty. You are not playing hockey without helmets and a whole bunch of pads, anything that looks like skin - go cover it.

Zack

Speaking of helmets and pads, if we wear them, could we go bungee jumping later?

Carey

Not even off your bed.

Cody

Bob's parents said he could go.

Carey

And if Bob's parents let him jump off the bridge, would you wanna do that too?

Zack

If we were attached to a bungee cord!

Carey

Not even if you were still attached to my umbilical cord.

Zack

Ok, ewww...

Cody

Why won't you let us have any fun?

Carey

It's my job. It's the first thing they teach you in mom's school. I discipline because I care.

Zack

Well, couldn't you care less? We're not kids you know!

Cody

Yeah, can't you treat us like adults?

Carey

As soon as I don't have to buy my own Mother's Day cards.

Cody

Fine, we'll read.

Zack

Careful Cody, you better put your helmet on. Those are hard cover books.

Cody

Is this safe enough for you mom? Ow! paper cut! Mommy, kiss it!

Arwin

Done!

Cody

A minute, ten seconds.

Arwin

Aaargh! I'll never beat Irv. I'm such a loser. Loser, loser, loser! [hits his forehead with his hand]

Zack

You've got to be more positive. Try this: winner, winner, winner! [hits Arwin's forehead with Arwin's hand]

Arwin

No, that doesn't work so well either.

Cody

Well, I've got a great technique to keep from getting nervous. Think of a happy place and all the pressure will just melt away.

Arwin

Well, thanks, but no matter how happy the place, it'll never be me up on that winner's podium accepting the Golden Plunger and a kiss from the plunger girl...

Carey

Come on guys, time to go home.

Cody

Can't we stay a little longer mom?

Carey

I'm sorry, but I've got to get upstairs and work on this stupid song, the Tipton's hosting some kind of geek games. Moseby's making me sing at the opening ceremonies and hand out the Golden Plunger.

Arwin

You're the plo-plo-plo-plo-plo-plo- [Zack hits him in the back] plunger girl? [Carey nods] Weldon's going down.

Hey plunger girl, I can't wait for our lips to meet.

Carey

I just... I just threw up a little bit...

Carey

Boys, you need to get upstairs and study for your American History test tomorrow.

Zack

Mother, there is no history. Yesterday we got off the boat and today we bathed in the creek.