Zack quotes from The Suite Life of Zack & Cody

Zack

Sorry, but in my defense: I didn't know it was a bagpipe. I thought it was the new super octopus, the one with eight arms.

Cody

In my defense: I'm not Zack.

Cody

(sniffs Zack's shirt) Cologne... fresh shirt? Wow, Maddie should come home from Antarctica more often.

Zack

Yeah, well, my woman's back, and I'm ready to resume our relationship.

Cody

You mean the one where you hit on her and she laughs?

Zack

No. The one where she says, "You know, you look a lot like Zack, only older and a lot better looking."

Cody

Clearly the cologne has gone to your head.

Maddie

[to Zack] There's a giant spider on your head!

Zack

I feel the same- wha, wha, wha, wha? Ah, get it off! Get it off! (throws the spider in the box; running while rubbing his head) Mommy! Spider! (Maddie looks at spider in the box)

Maddie

Shouldn't you tell him the spider's off his head? (Zack runs back)

Zack

Ahhh!

Cody

(to Maddie) Maybe later.

Zack

Is this band class?

Cody

It's called orchestra!

Zack

Looks more like a dork-estra.

Zack

That's weird. My new math teacher said the same thing when I walked into his class.

That's because there's a "Beware of Zack" poster in the teachers lounge.

Zack

Actually, my stage name is Nasty Z, the Dark Prince of Awesome.

Zack

[to Cody] Dude, you're jealous of a rumor and I'm not even sure I heard it right

Cody

(crying) Oh, great! Now I've ruined my life by dumping Barbara, (squeaky) I have NOTHING!

Carey

You have a family that loves you.

Cody

(still crying) I mean something that I care about!

Kurt

Sneaking girls in here without my permission is totally inappropriate.

Zack

Well...Now that you're here, can we have your permission?

Kurt

Oh, sure. Go on. Knock yourselves out...are you kidding?!

Carey

Honey I think you're getting addicted to this game.

Zack

Oh please mom. I can stop anytime I want.

Carey

Kay. How bout now?

Zack

I said anytime I want.

This never has a good answer, but what are you doing?

Cody

Our science project. Zack and I have to find and identify microbes in our home environment!

Zack

[on a couch reading a magazine] That’s right, so let the boy do our work.

Maybe you should work on leaving.

Zack

Did you know there are more germs on a telephone than a toilet seat?

Cody

I used the phone today! And a toilet!!

Zack

They’re gettin’ you from both ends. Oh! And you don’t even want to know about your pillowcase.

Cody

What! What about my pillow case!

Zack

It has a million little dust mites. Party over here, party over there, let’s all eat Cody’s hair!

Cody

I gotta go shampoo! [runs out]

Carey

Stop torturing your brother.

Zack

Look who’s talkin’. You almost made liver.

Carey

Zack, what were you thinking?!

Zack

Well you see--

Carey

I don't wanna hear it! Cody, what was going through your mind?

Cody

It's just--

Carey

Zip it, mister!

Cody

I've got to get my job back. When is Mom going to leave?

Zack

Don't worry. I'll handle it. (To Carey) Hey, Mom. When are you going to leave?

Zack

Mom, you need a vacation. And by "you", I mean "we".

Cody

Let's go to the Pawtucket Aquarium! I hear they just opened their 'swim with the jellyfish' attraction. They won't sting you if you cover yourself in whale urine.

Zack

I'd rather get stung!

Carey

Oh, stupid, snoring dog kept me up all night.

Zack

Well, when it comes out of that end, it ain't called snoring.