Cecil quotes from The Simpsons

Cecil

[to Bob and Bart as he is about to blow up the dam with dynamite] There may be a slight ringing in your ears. Fortunately, you'll be nowhere near them.

Cecil

Now make yourself at home. Perhaps a glass of Bordeaux? [Picks up two wine bottles] I have the '82 Château Latour and a rather indifferent Rausan-Ségla.

Bob

I've been in prison, Cecil. I'll be happy just as long it doesn't taste like orange drink fermented under a radiator.

Cecil

That would be the Latour, then. [Cecil pours the Latour into a wine glass].

Sideshow Bob

Oh, come now! You've wanted to be Krusty's sidekick since you were five! What about the buffoon lessons, the four years at clown college?

Cecil

I'll thank you not to refer to Princeton that way.

Cecil

Thanks for driving me, big brother. These giants clown mitts are extremely hilarious, but they do make it difficult to shift gears.

Bob

That's the title of Erma Bombeck's latest, isn't it?

Cecil

When that pie hit your face, I saw my dreams explode in a burst of cream and crust. But I suppose I should thank you. After all, it lead me to my true calling.

Bob

Cecil, no civilisation in history has ever considered chief hydrological engineer a calling.

Bob

Yes, yes, the Cappadocians, fine.

Cecil

Here it is, the future site of the Springfield Hydroelectric Dam.

Bob

Just the thought of all that raw surging power makes me wonder why the Hell I should care.

Cecil

Because you'll be supervising the construction crew.

Bob

Oh great. Whenever a woman passes by, I suppose it will be my job to lead the hooting. 'Oh yeah! Shake it, madam. Capital knockers!'

Bob

I'm older, I get the top bunk!

Cecil

Oh poppycock! I called it at the arraignment!

Cecil

I once felt that way, too.

Bart

Hey, aren't you Bob's brother?

Cecil

Biologically, yes, but we never got along. He was always zigging when I zagged. That Summer, when he wanted to tour the castles of Italy, I wanted to tour the castles of France. So we went to Spain, a compromise that satisfied no one.

Bart

That's stupid. You talk like you're smart, but you're stupid.

Cecil

Anyway, I choose to remember Bob as the big brother who taught me to play Botticelli.

Bart

Sounds boring.

Cecil

Oh you'd love it. It's a guessing game where one player adopts the guise of a noteworthy....[looks at Bart's bored face.] You're right, it is boring. But the only way to find true happiness is to make your peace with Bob.

Bart

Well, I guess I could say goodbye.

Cecil

You better make it snappy, they're cremating him in 30 minutes. I'll be scattering his ashes over the castles of France! [cackles.] Take that, ashes.

Sideshow Bob

When they find your ashes, they'll think it's me. And I'll be far away with my loving family. It's the perfect crime.

Cecil

And it was my portrayal as the grieving brother that sealed the deal!

Sideshow Bob

[coldly] Yes, and Hamlet is all about Laertes!

Cecil

[annoyed] Will you please stop comparing me to Laertes!?

Sideshow Bob

If the doublet fits...