TV show quotes
Haven't you heard of the expression "Leave them wanting more?"
Well, I thought I did! Now, look, I show God my love for him, and what does he do? He punketh me in front of my flock!
You best watch what you sayin', Thurgood. You been electrocuted once. You tryin' for a thunderbolt?
He wouldn't dare! Most people wouldn't know about Him if it wasn't for me.
Thurgood Stubbs! You better check yourself before you wreck yourself! Pride goeth before a fall!
Thurgood, I have had enough. Stop pretendin' you're doin' this for God because you're not. You're doin' it for yourself. It's all about you gettin' attention for your faith!
[gasps] That is so untrue, Muriel. I'm just tryin' to figure out what God wants me to do.
Thurgood, did it ever occur to you that what God wants is for you to just SHUT UP?!
[finding the album to Richard Pryor: Bicentennial Nigger] Hey, can we listen to this old album?
Listen to it? We can't even say the name anymore.
Well, why can't we?
African-American, please.
Oh, excuse me, Miss Haiti.
Oh, Walter, please, call me Garcelle.
Garcelle? Is that Haitian for "lovely"? [Haiti Lady giggles]
Walter, you're drunk. Go home.
How do you account for the disproportionate amount of Haitians in one apartment.
It's not their fault that they're poor. They were oppressed by fascists like you!
Tell me, Garcelle, when your raft came through customs, uh, did you have to declare that bug up yo' ass?
[Thurgood and Smokey are flying above the projects.]
[thinking] Can you read my mind? Do you know what it is I'm thinking of?
[the wind stops, causing them to fall]
We gonna CRASH!
Again?! I just crashed an hour ago!
[reading from MSQ] Superintendents, uh, if you allow someone in your building for even one night, it may take up to six months to legally evi-- SIX MONTHS TO EVICT?!
Six months?! I thought it said six days! Good lookin' out, Super! [goes back inside his apartment and slams the door]
[groans] I knew learnin' to read would come back to haunt me.
Good mornin', boys. Y'all enjoyin' yo' Martin Luther King Day?
It's Martin Luther King Day?
I thought it was Rodney King Day.
What the hell-- Rodney King Day?! Rodney King don't deserve no damn holiday! He's nothin' like Dr. King. Dr. King wanted freedom, but he was hassled by the police, roughed up and put in jail.
You mean like Rodney King?
No, not like Rodney King! Don't you know that Dr. King was so revered, that people rioted because of him?
Yeah, like Rodney King.
No, not like Rodney King! Dr. King marched in the face of oppression! He wouldn't let the white man keep him down!
Was he on PCP, too?
Hey, stop yo' foolin'.
Now let's hear from those who have achieved their dreams. [someone coughs] What, am I the only one?
Well, I used to sort of have a little dream. I thought it would be fun to be a hairdresser.
Hairdresser, nothin'! You used to say you wanted to have a beauty parlor, just like the one our mama went to!
Bebe, I think I can tell this.
Oh, I'm sorry, girl. Go ahead on. Go ahead.
Well, anyway, Mama--
Not just Mama! We liked goin' there, too! 'Cause it was a place where all the women would gather and tell stories and gossip! Of course, now, Mama was the worst! She'd talk and talk and talk, and nobody could get a word in edgewise. Ha. Remember that?
You sure it was Mama?
She was all the way live. Come to think of it, havin' a beauty parlor was my dream, too.
And I say, "I thought you were 'thank the monkey!'"
[Deke, Bebe and Jimmy laugh]
It's a mistake anyone could have made, Senator Van Owen.
Senator Van Owen? That's a pretty sissy name for a wrestler.
It's not a wrestling name. He actually is the senator of our state.
Hey, tell us about when you were a navy seal. Did you ever kill anyone?
Well, Calvin, unfortunately, killing is a necessary part of war.
[scoffs] Big deal. I killed plenty of seals when I was in the navy, and that wasn't even my job!
Mr. Stubbs, I get the feeling you're upset with me about something.
Oh, like you don't know. Well, maybe this will refresh yo' memory. [pulls off the table cloth]
You were the drunk that ruined my wedding!
No, I was the Conquerin' Conquistador.
[Thurgood is filling out his monthly superintendent evaluation]
Hi, Goodie. Whatcha doin'?
Yeah, I'm fillin' out my evaluation of myself. Good news, Muriel. I'm strong leadership material.
This is supposed to be filled out by your supervisor, Mr. Saunders.
Yes, and if he was sober, I'm sure he'd give me the same high marks, God bless his big, puffy gin-blossom nose.
[on Jimmy's application as Thurgood's new supervisor] It was the most organized and professional application we ever received. It made the choice easy.
You hear that, Jimmy? You got it! You're my new boss! Congratulations! Raise the roof! Raise the roof!
Not him. We hired the person who filled out the application.
Hi, Thurgood! Guess what? I'm your new boss!
What?!
Thurgood, thank God you're home. We have a thief in the building.
Really? Well, guess what? We also have stairs in the buildin'. And-- brace yourself-- we also have a roof!
He stole my necklace of precious stones! Every one I passed was a five-hour labor of love!
You're still wearin' that sweatsuit I bought you on our trip to Paris!
[gasps] Paris? Is that were you were that summer? You wrote me and told me you was at Camp Elsie!
That was the Champs-Élysées.
[deciding names for Calvin and Juicy ahead of their audition]
Calvin, you're No Daddy Kane, and Juicy?
I want to be Notorious BLT.
No. You gonna be Dangerous EKG.
We're thinkin' about M.C. Chunk and Super Smooth.
'Cause our rhymes stick to you like peanut butter.
[Juicy high-fives Calvin and they giggle]
Fine. Choose your own name. [to himself] I oughta call you the Biatch Boys.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The PJs pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
