The PJs · Season 2
Season's greetings, Sanchez. Merry como estas.
Well, I may have a touch of the--
Good. Glad to hear it. Here you go. [gives him a tip envelope]
A tip envelope?!
Now, there's no pressure. I don't wanna put any heat on you. Of course, if you want any heat on this winter, you might wanna toss in a 20.
[witnessing Thurgood repossessing her fish tank] But Santa, why are you stealing our fish tank? Why?
[narrating] Now, that old dirty bastard was as smart as they get. He thought up a lie, and quickly, you bet.
Phantom Menace is the best Star Wars yet! [runs off]
Luke, join me. It is your destiny!
Juicy Vader, I will never come over to the dark-skin-ded side.
Luke, I am your father. [takes off glasses] Probably.
NOOOOOOOOO!
Bebe, remember that big blizzard back when we were kids? We were stuck at home for two weeks.
Uh-huh. I was so pissed 'cause I couldn't see my boyfriend. Funny, it seemed so important then; today, heh, I can't even remember what subject he taught.
Thurgood, what are you doing?
Clearin' some space. My new exercise tape is comin' in the mail today.
Another exercise tape? You've already bought Abs of Steel, Buns of Steel, How to Steal.
I don't remember buying that one.
[as Thurgood gives the Hilton-Jacobs tenants their mail]
This is ridiculous. Why can't we get our mail like everybody else?
Yeah!
And I was expecting some very important fifth and final notices. Now, HOW am I supposed to pay my phone bill UNLESS I get my FIFTH AND FINAL NOTICE?!
Oh, stop your damn complainin'. Bebe got her colored contacts, didn't she?
Yeah, but they all busted and mangled! I see twelve of everythang!
[Through her perspective, Bebe sees twelve of Thurgood]
Well, now you know how it feels to look fly.
Haven't you heard of the expression "Leave them wanting more?"
Well, I thought I did! Now, look, I show God my love for him, and what does he do? He punketh me in front of my flock!
You best watch what you sayin', Thurgood. You been electrocuted once. You tryin' for a thunderbolt?
He wouldn't dare! Most people wouldn't know about Him if it wasn't for me.
Thurgood Stubbs! You better check yourself before you wreck yourself! Pride goeth before a fall!
Thurgood, I have had enough. Stop pretendin' you're doin' this for God because you're not. You're doin' it for yourself. It's all about you gettin' attention for your faith!
[gasps] That is so untrue, Muriel. I'm just tryin' to figure out what God wants me to do.
Thurgood, did it ever occur to you that what God wants is for you to just SHUT UP?!
[finding the album to Richard Pryor: Bicentennial Nigger] Hey, can we listen to this old album?
Listen to it? We can't even say the name anymore.
Well, why can't we?
African-American, please.
Oh, excuse me, Miss Haiti.
Oh, Walter, please, call me Garcelle.
Garcelle? Is that Haitian for "lovely"? [Haiti Lady giggles]
Walter, you're drunk. Go home.
How do you account for the disproportionate amount of Haitians in one apartment.
It's not their fault that they're poor. They were oppressed by fascists like you!
Tell me, Garcelle, when your raft came through customs, uh, did you have to declare that bug up yo' ass?
[Thurgood and Smokey are flying above the projects.]
[thinking] Can you read my mind? Do you know what it is I'm thinking of?
[the wind stops, causing them to fall]
We gonna CRASH!
Again?! I just crashed an hour ago!
[reading from MSQ] Superintendents, uh, if you allow someone in your building for even one night, it may take up to six months to legally evi-- SIX MONTHS TO EVICT?!
Six months?! I thought it said six days! Good lookin' out, Super! [goes back inside his apartment and slams the door]
[groans] I knew learnin' to read would come back to haunt me.
Good mornin', boys. Y'all enjoyin' yo' Martin Luther King Day?
It's Martin Luther King Day?
I thought it was Rodney King Day.
What the hell-- Rodney King Day?! Rodney King don't deserve no damn holiday! He's nothin' like Dr. King. Dr. King wanted freedom, but he was hassled by the police, roughed up and put in jail.
You mean like Rodney King?
No, not like Rodney King! Don't you know that Dr. King was so revered, that people rioted because of him?
Yeah, like Rodney King.
No, not like Rodney King! Dr. King marched in the face of oppression! He wouldn't let the white man keep him down!
Was he on PCP, too?
Hey, stop yo' foolin'.
Now let's hear from those who have achieved their dreams. [someone coughs] What, am I the only one?
Well, I used to sort of have a little dream. I thought it would be fun to be a hairdresser.
Hairdresser, nothin'! You used to say you wanted to have a beauty parlor, just like the one our mama went to!
Bebe, I think I can tell this.
Oh, I'm sorry, girl. Go ahead on. Go ahead.
Well, anyway, Mama--
Not just Mama! We liked goin' there, too! 'Cause it was a place where all the women would gather and tell stories and gossip! Of course, now, Mama was the worst! She'd talk and talk and talk, and nobody could get a word in edgewise. Ha. Remember that?
You sure it was Mama?
She was all the way live. Come to think of it, havin' a beauty parlor was my dream, too.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The PJs pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
