Mrs. Avery quotes from The PJs

Thurgood

How'd that dog get in here, Calvin?

Calvin

Come in the front door, Super. It's broken again.

Thurgood

Again? I just fixed the door last week!

Mrs. Avery

Hmm. You call that fixed?!

Thurgood

[sees the broken door and gasps] Son of a Billy Dee!

Mrs. Avery

Super, it's too hot! When ya gonna turn down the furnace?!

Thurgood

The furnace ain't on. It's the middle of summer, you crazy old bat.

Mrs. Avery

Well, when you gonna fix my calendar?

Thurgood

Now, what the hell you buy a calendar for anyway? You ain't gonna get to finish it. [slams door]

Muriel

Thurgood, that's no way to talk to Mrs. Avery.

Thurgood

You know somethin'? You right. [opens door and shouts in the hallway] YOU DRIED-UP OLD GARGOYLE! [slams door] Thanks, Muriel. I can always count on you to remind me to do the important thangs.

Muriel

Weren't you supposed to go to HUD to pick up those air conditioners?

Thurgood

Don't become your mother now.

Mrs. Avery

First it's stolen go-karts, what's next? Some brute breakin' in and tryin' to have his way with me? I can see it now. Sure, I try to resist at first, but nothing can stop his filthy love. Next thing I know, I'm cookin' his breakfast! And I'm too young to settle down!

Calvin

With all due respect, Mrs. Avery, NO BLAH BLAH BLAH!

Muriel

Thurgood, thank God you're home. We have a thief in the building.

Thurgood

Really? Well, guess what? We also have stairs in the buildin'. And-- brace yourself-- we also have a roof!

Mrs. Avery

He stole my necklace of precious stones! Every one I passed was a five-hour labor of love!

Muriel

[persuading Thurgood not to burn the stolen toilet paper] Don't fight it, Thurgood. It'll be much easier if you just join us.

Walter

The lady's smart, Thurgood. Now, you be smart, too. Just give us the white and nobody gets hurt but you.

Thurgood

Just look at you! Look at all of you! You're pathetic! You should be ashamed, because you was this close to takin' the life of a fellow man! Not for honor, not for freedom, not even for sneakers! You was gonna commit murder for THIS! [holds up roll of toilet paper]

Mrs. Avery

He's got our toilet paper! Kill him!

Thurgood

[about to fall in an elevator shaft] That shaft looks like a bad mother--

Mrs. Avery

Shut yo' mouth!