Sanchez quotes from The PJs

Hi, Super. Hi, Jimmy.

Sanchez

Hi, boys.

Hi.

Calvin

[on Juicy burning himself with an entire bag of marshmallows] Juicy screams like a GIRL!

Juicy

You oughta know, since you're with Chelsea all the time.

Calvin

You take that back!

Calvin

Shut up!

K-I-S-S-I-N-G!

Calvin

See what you did?!

Thurgood

Now, now, Calvin, bein' in love is nothin' to be ashamed of. Took me 23 years of marriage to learn that.

Calvin

I'm not in love with her.

Jimmy

Everybody falls in love sometime, little bro. Mr. Sanchez here has a crush on his voice therapist.

Sanchez

Shut up!

Sanchez and Voice Therapist, sittin' in a tree...

Sanchez

See what you did?

Thurgood

Season's greetings, Sanchez. Merry como estas.

Sanchez

Well, I may have a touch of the--

Thurgood

Good. Glad to hear it. Here you go. [gives him a tip envelope]

Sanchez

A tip envelope?!

Thurgood

Now, there's no pressure. I don't wanna put any heat on you. Of course, if you want any heat on this winter, you might wanna toss in a 20.

Sanchez

This is ridiculous. Why can't we get our mail like everybody else?

Haiti Lady

Yeah!

Jimmy

And I was expecting some very important fifth and final notices. Now, HOW am I supposed to pay my phone bill UNLESS I get my FIFTH AND FINAL NOTICE?!

Thurgood

Oh, stop your damn complainin'. Bebe got her colored contacts, didn't she?

Bebe

Yeah, but they all busted and mangled! I see twelve of everythang!

Thurgood

Well, now you know how it feels to look fly.

And I say, "I thought you were 'thank the monkey!'"

Sanchez

It's a mistake anyone could have made, Senator Van Owen.

Thurgood

Senator Van Owen? That's a pretty sissy name for a wrestler.

Jimmy

It's not a wrestling name. He actually is the senator of our state.

Calvin

Hey, tell us about when you were a navy seal. Did you ever kill anyone?

Well, Calvin, unfortunately, killing is a necessary part of war.

Thurgood

[scoffs] Big deal. I killed plenty of seals when I was in the navy, and that wasn't even my job!

Mr. Stubbs, I get the feeling you're upset with me about something.

Thurgood

Oh, like you don't know. Well, maybe this will refresh yo' memory. [pulls off the table cloth]

You were the drunk that ruined my wedding!

Thurgood

No, I was the Conquerin' Conquistador.

HUD Lady

[on Jimmy's application as Thurgood's new supervisor] It was the most organized and professional application we ever received. It made the choice easy.

Thurgood

You hear that, Jimmy? You got it! You're my new boss! Congratulations! Raise the roof! Raise the roof!

HUD Lady

Not him. We hired the person who filled out the application.

Muriel

Hi, Thurgood! Guess what? I'm your new boss!

What?!

Thurgood

Now, when a man plunges his toilet, he has the right to expect that he's the only man plungin' that toilet. And what, I ask, could be lower, than plungin' another man's toilet? One of you has the hots for Muriel and is sendin' her flowers.

Walter

So let me get this straight: you're comparin' yo' wife to a toilet?

Thurgood

Sanchez. It was you, wasn't it?

Sanchez

Actually, I've never been attracted to women-- [his electrolarynx runs out of batteries; shakes it]

Thurgood

Well, I suppose that comes as news to no one.

Sanchez

Y-y-you didn't let me finish! Women who are married to my friends!

Sanchez

I'm afraid to go any further! There could be gangsters!

Jimmy

And hoodlums!

Walter

And thugs.

Thurgood

So what?

Gangsters and hoodlums and thugs, so what? Gangsters and hoodlums and thugs, so what?