Jimmy quotes from The PJs

Calvin

[on Juicy burning himself with an entire bag of marshmallows] Juicy screams like a GIRL!

Juicy

You oughta know, since you're with Chelsea all the time.

Calvin

You take that back!

Calvin

Shut up!

K-I-S-S-I-N-G!

Calvin

See what you did?!

Thurgood

Now, now, Calvin, bein' in love is nothin' to be ashamed of. Took me 23 years of marriage to learn that.

Calvin

I'm not in love with her.

Jimmy

Everybody falls in love sometime, little bro. Mr. Sanchez here has a crush on his voice therapist.

Sanchez

Shut up!

Sanchez and Voice Therapist, sittin' in a tree...

Sanchez

See what you did?

Sanchez

This is ridiculous. Why can't we get our mail like everybody else?

Haiti Lady

Yeah!

Jimmy

And I was expecting some very important fifth and final notices. Now, HOW am I supposed to pay my phone bill UNLESS I get my FIFTH AND FINAL NOTICE?!

Thurgood

Oh, stop your damn complainin'. Bebe got her colored contacts, didn't she?

Bebe

Yeah, but they all busted and mangled! I see twelve of everythang!

Thurgood

Well, now you know how it feels to look fly.

And I say, "I thought you were 'thank the monkey!'"

Sanchez

It's a mistake anyone could have made, Senator Van Owen.

Thurgood

Senator Van Owen? That's a pretty sissy name for a wrestler.

Jimmy

It's not a wrestling name. He actually is the senator of our state.

Calvin

Hey, tell us about when you were a navy seal. Did you ever kill anyone?

Well, Calvin, unfortunately, killing is a necessary part of war.

Thurgood

[scoffs] Big deal. I killed plenty of seals when I was in the navy, and that wasn't even my job!

Mr. Stubbs, I get the feeling you're upset with me about something.

Thurgood

Oh, like you don't know. Well, maybe this will refresh yo' memory. [pulls off the table cloth]

You were the drunk that ruined my wedding!

Thurgood

No, I was the Conquerin' Conquistador.

HUD Lady

[on Jimmy's application as Thurgood's new supervisor] It was the most organized and professional application we ever received. It made the choice easy.

Thurgood

You hear that, Jimmy? You got it! You're my new boss! Congratulations! Raise the roof! Raise the roof!

HUD Lady

Not him. We hired the person who filled out the application.

Muriel

Hi, Thurgood! Guess what? I'm your new boss!

What?!

Calvin

Our school is tryin' to start a library. Any books that you could donate would be greatly appreciated.

Muriel

I don't understand. Why don't you all use the public library?

Calvin

They closed it. We heard they're gonna tear it down.

Thurgood

What?! They closed the library?! Now, see, that just ain't right. Where the hell are all the homeless people supposed to take their naps? Somethin' oughta be done.

Jimmy

I'll tell you why they closed that library. There's nothin' scarier to a man than a brother with a book.

Thurgood

Yeah, that's deep. Where you hear that?

Jimmy

Rerun said it on What's Happening!!.

Sanchez

I'm afraid to go any further! There could be gangsters!

Jimmy

And hoodlums!

Walter

And thugs.

Thurgood

So what?

Gangsters and hoodlums and thugs, so what? Gangsters and hoodlums and thugs, so what?

Thurgood

[setting up the poster for the 8th Annual HUD Ball] HUD's balls really swing, though last year's ball got pretty hairy. What with the heat wave, that was one sweaty ball. [chuckles] I'm funny when I'm alone. [looks at the poster] "Can you beat our reigning king and queen of the dance contest?" [looks at the image of Jimmy and Bebe] Hmm. Look at 'em. King Loser the XIV and Queen Laqueefa.

Jimmy

[clears throat] Big talk comin' from a guy who won't even enter. You're the king of excuses.

Bebe

Thurgood'll say anythang to get outta that contest. What was it last year, baby? He ate a hamburger and got Sheila E. coli.

Thurgood

So you're not black. So what? Nothin's really changed.

Jimmy

Everything's changed. I thought I knew who I was. Ever since I was nine, I built up a whole image of my father. A strong, powerful soldier, like the black G.I. Joe. You know, the one that looks like the brother on 60 Minutes.

Thurgood

Well, now you got a new image. A strong, powerful Korean, and he's still got kung-fu grip.

Jimmy

Don't you get it?! I don't want to be Korean! They kicked my mother out in disgrace.