I just want to know more about this wedding sketch, I mean. I've got to learn my lines, Piggy.
Well.. you only have one line.
I do?
Exactly.
S3 E10Marisa Berenson
[whispers to the pig minister] Do it!
S3 E11Raquel Welch
You see, my problem was my need to tell jokes.
Yeah! And that was our problem, too! [laughs]
S3 E12James Coco
You know, I really like the water.
Oh, I am glad.
Which means, after we're married, we can live at your place.
S3 E13Helen Reddy
Hey Bo, I've got a job for you!
BBo
Oh, good.
Yeah. Just look at this mess.
BBo
Okay, that sounds easy enough.
S3 E14Harry Belafonte
[handing Rowlf a script] Hey, guys, guys – here is the musical moment for this week.
RDRowlf the Dog
Uh... [reading] Curtains open. Lew Zealand and Rowlf do something funny. Curtains close.
Go get them!
And we leave nothing to chance, huh?
Trust me.
S3 E15Lesley Ann Warren
LLesley
You know, Kermit, I thought you were the only person on this show who wasn't crazy.
Me, not crazy? I hired the others.
S3 E18Leslie Uggams/Big Bird
Holy maracas!
BBBig Bird
Oh, hi. I'm Big Bird.
Huh. No kidding.
BBBig Bird
I'm a friend of Kermit's.
Oh.
BBBig Bird
Yeah, we both come from the same neighborhood. Sesame Street.
: Oh. Isn't that that cute little children's show with puppets?
BBBig Bird
Uh-huh. And who are you?
Who am I? I am Miss Piggy.
BBBig Bird
Oh. Well, do you work around here?
Uh, listen, yellow thing. Do you see that star here?
BBBig Bird
Oh, yes. It's very pretty.
And, uh, do you know why it is there?
BBBig Bird
Well, uh... Perfect attendance?
I am the singing star of this show.
BBBig Bird
A singing pig? That's very funny! [laughs]
Kiss your feathers goodbye, bird! Hai-ya! [swings at Big Bird, but he doubles over and she misses and falls]
BBBig Bird
Oh, you do acrobatics, too. [To the audience] She's very versatile.
Have we ever said that this show is for the birds?
Yes, and we'll keep saying it until it gets a laugh.
S3 E19Elke Sommer
Thank you, Thank you, And welcome again to The Muppet Show. And we have great show because our guest star is on our favorite German actress, Mrs. Elke Sommer. But before we get to her, Ladies and Gentlemen: Bobby Benson's Baby Band!
MMartha
George, wake up! I think I hear prowlers.
GGeorge
Oh Martha, go back to sleep.
S3 E20Sylvester Stallone
Welcome to The Muppet Show. We have great show tonight, Because our special guest star a famous director, screen writer, and the star of the popular movie called Rocky, Sylvester Stallone. [a group of teenage girls jumps to the stage] GET OUT OF THERE! [to the audience] Sorry about that, folks. Now anyways, We will like to start with a little Hawaiian number.
OTOne of the teenaged girls
Is Sylvester going to wear a Hawaiian skirt?
[to the girl] NO! HE IS NOT IN THE OPENING NUMBER! Please get back to seat! Uh, curtains!
[gasps] Birdie? Is that you? It is you. Oh. You came back to me. Hey, everybody. Let's change that tone.
[All cheering]
Wow. I have a bird. Everyone, this is Birdie. Birdie, this is everyone. Isn't she cute? Look at the feathers she has. Isn't she the cutest bird on stage [they touched their noses and smile together]
SWStatler and Waldorf
[laughing hysterically] You're my best friend!
Animal reunion.
Gonzo, this is Birdie.
Wow, a real bird. So nice to have you here.
Thank you so much, Gonzo. You are a great friend of mine.
Right back at ya, Sylvester.
Well, that was really joyful.
Okay, Well, The time has come to say goodbye. Because we don't have much else to say.
And if you're worried about Fozzie. Rest assure, he is scared.
But before we go, let's have one last round of applause for the one and only, Sylvester Stallone!
And his pet Birdie!
YAYYYYYYYYYY!
Yippee!
Oh, thank you, Gonzo. Birdie thanks you too. Well, thank you, Kermit. Bless you at all, I had a wonderful time. And Birdie came back. I only hope I didn't hurt the talking punching bag.
PBThe Punching Bag
Hey, what hurt? Come on, Stallone, give us one last punch for old time's sake.
Okay. [punches the punching bag]
PBThe Punching Bag
[chuckles] Hey, Stallone, that's my kind of guy.
Okay. That's it for now. Hey, listen, be with us next time when our guest will be one of the world's greatest tuned slam players.
Thank you again for telling me.
Thanks for seeing Birdie. You made me the happiest star of all.
DBDouble Bass Player
We'll see you next time on The Muppet Show!
You all have been a wonderful laugh track.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Muppet Show pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.