Grim quotes from The Grim Adventures of Billy & Mandy

Grim

Billy, what happened here?

Billy

I don't know, Grim... I fell asleep, and I had this crazy dream that I was NAKED at school and the Tchupakabra attacked me!

Grim

Billy! Oh, my goodness! What's that?!

Billy

What's what?

Grim

Over there!

Billy

I don't see...

Grim

On your back!

Billy

On my hat?

Grim

Curse you boy! On your back!

Grim

I think it's trying to suck his brains out, man!

Mandy

Poor thing's gonna starve.

Grim

[glances at Rudolpho] So, what are you... in for?

I beat the snot out of a guy... for FARTING!!

Grim

[desperately] Guard!

Just the sound of it makes me so ANGRY!!

Grim

[more desperately] Guard!

ANGRY!!

Grim

[as desperate as possible] Guard!

[finally arrives] All right, Reaper, your bail is here.

Irwin

I came here as soon as I got the call, yo!

Grim

[relieved sigh] I knew I could count on you, Irwin.

Irwin

[hands a piggy bank to the guard] Here you are, Officer!

Gee, thanks.

How much was in that piggy bank?

Irwin

Four dollars and thirty-two cents.

So, you like to be a jokester, do ya, Mr. Funny Guy? Mr. Comedian, eh?

Irwin

I don't understand.

Well, the bail is thirty-five hundred dollars!

Irwin

[sobbing] I was only trying to be helpful!

Now get out of my jail, Irwin. OUT!

Irwin

[stops sobbing] I'm sorry, Grim! "[walks out]"

Yeah, yeah, I'm not Grim! You'd better run, Irwin!

I'd like to think I'd make a difference.

Irwin

That was wiggety-whack, yo.

Irwin

Hey, a duck!

Grim

At the rate this duck is getting people in the trouble, I predict this cell will be full in about...four hours.

Two hours later... [fart sound]

Grim

Man, he's working fast!

I'm not even on this stupid show anymore!

Mandy

Look, it's Billy, and he's racing with wieners.

Grim

You mean Irwin and Pud'n?

Mandy

No, wiener DOGS.

Billy

Of course your wasting your time sharpening that piece of crud!

Grim

[angry] Why you little... [Scythe shatters and the lights go out]

Billy

[in the dark] Where'd all the pieces go? [A light is turned on and it shines thru the holes in Billy's face] Wow! Look at the lights!

Mandy

[Holding a flashlight] Power tools in the dark? Darwin should be paying you goons a royalty.

I was never meant to be used as a hedge trimmer, a drain cleaner or a depilatory aid! I was meant to carve a swath of despair and destruction through the world of men, to blacken the skies and redden the seas, leaving nothing behind but entropy and uncomfortable silence...

Grim

Yeah, yeah, be quiet. One of these guys is gonna win a million bucks for milking a goat with his mouth!

Mandy

Wait a second. What kind of breakfast cereal comes with a phoenix inside?

Grim

Well, it says here it's made in Arizona.

Grim

You'll have to use your feminine wiles to get him to talk.

Mandy

[groans] I hate Billy.

Grim

What's going on up there? The whole place is falling apart.

Mandy

Yet another school that Billy's ruined.

Grim

Uh, excuse me, sir? Do you have time for an informal survey? What do you think is more frightening, these three scary monsters... [Bride of Frankenstein, Dracula and Wolf Man make scary noises] ...or this glass of water?

Water! Eh, eh, WATER!

Grim

Look, man, I'll give you five bucks. Five bucks! If you say those monsters are scarier than the water.

Dracula thirsty. Gonna drink this water.

Grim

[to Dracula] Dracula, please don't!

You can't tell Dracula what to do! Dracula a grown man. Do what he wants!

Can I please go now?

Mindy

You REALLY are going to enter the Little Miss Scurvy pageant, aren't you, Mandy?

Mandy

Yes, Mindy. Scared of the competition?

Mindy

I'm scared that the judges will mistake you for a big doo-doo monster and chase you out of town with torches.

Grim

Oh, yeah? We'll see who chases whom with torches.

Billy

Yeah! Mandy'll take your pants off!

Grim

Beat your pants off...

Billy

BEAT your pants off.

Mindy

Oh, I'm SO sure she'll win. And in case you didn't know -- that was sarcasm. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go get a rib removed.

Gentlemen, prepare for shock and awe. The plain, drab Mandy you knew before is dead.

Billy

GRIM, SHE MURDERED MANDY!

Grim

It's a figure of speech, dummy!

Grim

Look at these little girls all tarted up. What kind of sad, needy person would force them to do that?

Don't forget this is Mommy's big day.

The bigger you smile, the more beautiful Mommy looks!

Baby, it's time to earn Mommy's love!

Principal Goodvibes

And say hello to our impartial judges: General Skarr... Cap'n Greengums... and Mindy's mom!

Hi, honey!

Mindy

Hi, Mommy!

Grim

Impartial my big, boney...

Principal Goodvibes

BUT, before we begin, let's stop and think about why we are here...

My wife made me come!

Principal Goodvibes

[Scowls, then resumes] Scurvy is a terrible, terrible disease... Isn't that right, Cap'n Greengums?

Arr, I used to have a set of perfect gums, over which the tavern wenches swooned! But then, I got the scurvy! They had to replace me gums with... with... KOSHER PICKLES! [Starts to cry, and hugs Skarr] And I hate pickles!

Principal Goodvibes

Statistics show the number one cause of scurvy is IGNORANCE! Please do not boil your fruit juices. I cannot stress this enough, people! [farts] Now with that out of the way -- let the pageant begin!