[on preparations for Sophia's "wake"] I even know a way we can save some money. I'll make the hors d'oeuvres.
Some wake. Scandinavian crap on a cracker. ... I mean, thank you.
S7 E18Journey to the Center of Attention
[Sophia's friend Myrtle has just arrived at the "wake" - however, Rose forgot to mention in her invitations to the wake that Sophia is alive, and Myrtle is very upset because she thinks Sophia is dead.]
Oh Myrtle, thank goodness you got here! You're just the person we need to liven up this party. Do some of those impressions you're so good at.
MMyrtle
[sobbing] Oh God, oh God, oh God!
[laughing] Jimmy Swaggart, right? That's wonderful, do another one.
MMyrtle
The last time I saw her she was fine. I didn't even know she was sick. What happened?
Wait, don't tell me... Klaus von Bulow?
S7 E19A Midwinter Night's Dream
Oh, come on, Ma. That's superstitious nonsense. You know, step on a crack, break your mother's back. It doesn't work. I know. [ominous pause] I tried.
This necklace is a priceless heirloom. It belonged to my grammy. I've only worn it three times in my whole life, and each occasion marked the beginning of a passionate romance. And tonight I've decided to wear it with clothes.
Hi, Blanche. I was sitting home feeling sorry for myself so I thought I'd do some risk taking and invite myself over. Here I am, totally vulnerable. Taking a chance. I am so proud of me.
[Blanche slams the door in her face. Carol rings the doorbell and Blanche opens the door.]
You know, that would have devastated the old me, but the new me? Just an emotional owie and do you know why? Because I like myself!
[Blanche again slams the door in her face. Carol rings the doorbell and again Blanche opens the door.]
The new me is starting to get honked off. Look, I'm lonely and scared and you're having a party. Can I come in or not?
Look, Carol, I am going to be honest here. I took great pains with this guest list and frankly there is room here for only one young, attractive female.
[dashing inside] Ooh, then I just got in under the wire!
[talking to a man at the party] Last night, I dreamed I ate a giant marshmallow, and when I woke up, my boyfriend was gone.
MMan
I don't get it.
It's not a joke.
Excuse me, Blanche. I think I'm gonna leave. I'm not having such a good time.
Oh, what a relief to know it isn't just me.
It's like every man here just wants to sleep with me. Even the Rabbi with the limp!
[trying to explain to Rose, in a roundabout way, how she kissed Miles] Let's say you make Miles a batch of your delicious, creamy cupcakes, and he loves them so much that he wants you to make them all the time.
Miles does have a sweet tooth.
But let's say that, even though he loves your cupcakes more than life itself, one day he decides to try somebody else's cupcakes. For lack of a better example let's say my cupcakes. And I, in a mad passionate moment, forget myself and... [voice breaking slightly] let him try my cupcakes. How would that make you feel?
I'd like to think I'd understand.
Oh, good, good. I was hoping that's what you would say.
[Rose giggles]
What?
I'm sorry. It's just the idea of Miles wanting to try your cupcakes.
Why is that funny?
No offense, Dorothy, but your cupcakes are dry and tasteless. Nobody ever likes your cupcakes.
My cupcakes are moist and delicious. Men LOVE my cupcakes.
Get a clue, Dorothy. Men would rather pay for cupcakes.
[angrily] Let me tell you something, you Swedish meatball! I... wait - wait a minute. You're actually talking about cupcakes, aren't you?
You bet I'm talking about cupcakes. What are you talking about? Wait a minute... have you and Miles been... baking together?
Rose, I would never do that to you. I swear.
Good. [picks up a coffee mug] Because if I ever caught Miles with another woman in my kitchen, I'd... [the coffee mug breaks from the pressure of Rose squeezing on it; Rose first looks at the mug in amazement, and then gives Dorothy a triumphant look]
S7 E21Rose: Portrait of a Woman
Dorothy, how would you feel about a birthday present of a picture of me in sexy lingerie?
I'd rather have the cash.
Actually it's not for you, it's for Miles.
He'd rather have the cash.
S7 E22Home Again, Rose
Nurse, now we realize that the hospital has rules and you have to try to uphold those rules. But, you have to realize that this is a very special case. So, I'm gonna quote from the Bible just to show you how determined we really are. Now, the good book says, um, oh, "Neither rain, nor sleet, nor....nor dark of night shall keepeth uth...from our appointed rounds." Amen. [The nurse gives Blanche a look.] I can see you are a non-believer.
[to Blanche] I think it's nice that you're trying to quote the Bible. [aside, to Sophia] The only thing that's been in more hotel rooms than she has and she can't remember a word of it.
JJanet
Oh, you know how I feel about organized religion, it makes me crazy. And I do not want Sarah's head filled with stories about a God who may or may not exist.
Well, honey, of course He exists! Just look at the beautiful sky, the majestic trees. God created man and gave him a heart and a mind and thighs that could crack walnuts.
JJanet
[putting an arm around Sarah] Mother!
Oh, I'm sorry... I came to religion late.
JJanet
I'd say.
But it's never too late! And it is my fervent hope that the three of us, you and I and dear little Sarah, may walk the path of righteousness together. And now if you'll excuse me, I have Gideon Bibles for everyone. [leaves room]
SSarah
I miss "sexy" Grandma.
JJanet
I'm sure a lot of people do, darlin', I'm sure a lot of people do.
[At the reunion, Rose goes over to the other girls holding several pieces of paper.]
Where've you been?
When no one was looking, I went by the No-Show table and I got four name tags for us! Blanche, you'll be Susan Armstrong... [gives Blanche a name tag] ...and Dorothy, you'll be Cindy Lou Peeples... [gives Dorothy a name tag] ...and Sophia, you're Myron Zucker. [gives an irked Sophia a name tag]
Rose, you idiot, there's no way I'm ever gonna pass for a man! Dorothy, trade with me?
Go to hell, Myron. Rose, I don't wanna wear this.
Oh come on, I looked in the yearbook and you're a dead ringer for Cindy Lou Peeples.
I don't know...
Trust me, it'll work, or my name isn't Kim Fung Toi [pasting tag to her shirt].
Oh I HATE reunions! Everyone so dressed up and fake, pretending to be someone they're not. Why can't people just be themselves?
RGRandom Guy
Cindy Lou Peeples?
Tommy Lunt?
DGDorothy and the guy
[the two act as if they ARE the people in question, embrace and walk off together] AAH! AAH!
LTLarry Tucker
[to Sophia] Excuse me...aren't you Mrs. Gonzalez, Spanish 101?
Sí!
LLarry
Hi, Larry Tucker! [shakes Sophia's hand] You know, I-I was always afraid to tell you this when I was in your class, but... [shyly] I had a huge crush on you back then!
Why didn't you ever do anything about it?
LLarry
Mrs. Gonzalez -- you were my teacher!
And you were my favorite student. But I'm not your teacher anymore. And Mr. Gonzalez is dead. [pause] Let's mambo! [grabs Larry and starts dancing with him]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Golden Girls pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.