Rose, could I see you for a moment?
[walks over] You're mad, aren't you?
Rose Nylund, every man I know is watching this show, this live show, this live show about lesbian lovers of Miami.
Every man you know is watching? Hey, we could beat The Price is Right!
Rose, we can't kill you here because there are cameras. Now how did this happen?
Oh, I don't know. They just said they wanted two women who loved each other and slept together.
We DO NOT sleep together!
Yes, you did! Last month, whe-, when Blanche was having her room repainted because the plaster behind her headboard all fell out!
Listen. I'm not going through with this!
Blanche, if you leave, they'll fire me!
Good. My mother is here. My teacher is here. Good!
If I lose my job, I won't be able to do anything but... sit home and tell St. Olaf stories!
Blackmail! Oh, ho, ho, ho, very smart!
Hey, they don't call me "Harold Goldstein" for nothing!
[aside, to Blanche] Maybe if we don't say anything. We're not on camera that much, I mean, we can't let Rose lose her job.
[The program begins]
NMNews Man
We're back. Let's meet our panelists... Dorothy, a lesbian. Blanche, another lesbian. And Pat and Kathy, image consultants.
How come THEY'RE not lesbians?
PPat
We don't believe in labels.
NMNews Man
Oh - I see we have a question from the audience. Yes, sir?
MIMan in the Audience
Are there male-female roles in the relationship?
Well, I AM the little homemaker if that's what you mean. [laughs nervously]
[pissed] Now, wait a minute, just w...
...and I take out the garbage.
NMNews Man
Fascinating. Any other questions? Ah, here we go.
[pointing at Blanche] This is directed to Dorothy's lover. Do people treat you differently because you're a lesbian?
[laughing nervously] Most people don't know.
Really? I would've guessed right off. Next question to Dorothy. What kind of pain and embarrassment has this lifestyle caused your mother?
[menacingly] I really don't know but, I'll ask her tomorrow when I visit her at... THE HOME.
[enters the kitchen] Dorothy, I just got off the phone with my girlfriend Gladys. She thinks you can do better than Blanche.
I agree, but Ma, if it's all right with you, I have a lot of work to do here.
I can't believe you're still working on that article! I thought you were just going to help organize it.
I can't believe you're doing this again. You're letting him take advantage of you like he did in high school.
He is under a lot of pressure and I don't want him to kiss his deadline! [weird looks from everyone] Miss. Miss his deadline.
Ooooh, Mr. Gordon! [makes kissing sounds]
[taking Jeopardy test]
Dorothy, where are the Ural Mountains?
Well, well, well, Blanche, a pound of make-up and a tube of lip gloss can't help you now, can they?
I don't need you anyway. [touches guy next to her] Hey, show me yours and I'll show you mine.
[the girls and Stan enter the barely furnished apartment]
This isn't so bad. Look there's a chair. Look Dorothy a chair. This isn't going to be bad at all. [to Blanche, quietly] Can we go home, now? It's getting dark out.
Someday, I'm going to get out of this hell hole and come looking for you.
Don't spend all of your time in here hating me Dorothy. Learn a trade.
[after an unpleasant experience at the shoe store with Sophia] Sophia, there's something I don't understand. Now, you're always a bit ornery, unpleasant, impolite, even downright mean. That's part of your charm.
Thank you, you bedhopping relic.
[pops Sophia's balloon from the shoe store]
I have a little exercise I do whenever my self-esteem is kind of low. I say my name and then I list three positive things about myself. I'm Blanche Devereaux. I'm beautiful, men find me desirable, and people want to be my friend. Go on, now you try.
[Sighing] Oh. I'm Dorothy Zbornak, I'm beautiful, men find me desirable and people want to be my friend.
Sorry, I confused you honey. You're supposed to say three positive things that apply to you. You know, like you could say, I'm Dorothy Zbornak...I'm a good speller, and um....I'm very prompt, and um..... well actually there's..., there's no law that says there has to be three.
Actually, I just thought of a third one; I can snap a friend's neck like a twig.
