I was in a room with you once before when your wife called, and you told her you were alone... then you were cheating on her.
GGlen
Yeah, with you.
But I've also been Bernice, and I've had my husband call me, and he was always alone too.
S5 E21Cheaters
GGlen
Our entire block was Irish, the kids on the next block were all Italian. We all took turns beating each other up on the way home from school.
I think it's nice when children take turns.
It's the oldest confidence game in the world, the pigeon drop.
It wasn't his idea, the nun suggested it.
She was in on it too, that's why it's called a confidence game. They have to win your confidence so you'll hand over your money and get stuck with worthless paper.
I don't know what the Church is coming to.
S5 E22The Mangiacavallo Curse Makes a Lousy Wedding Present
[trapped in a bathroom stall] Dorothy, let me out of here right now!
There's only one way out, Blanche, and I don't think you can hold your breath long enough.
You're just making a mountain out of a molehill.
Five years of molehills. They add up.
Sounds to me like you two just had a little misunderstanding. [banging on the stall door to emphasize each word] NOT FIVE YEARS OF DELIBERATE BETRAYAL OF TRUST!
Dorothy, you do that one more time, I'm gonna write on this wall "for a good time, call Dorothy Zbornak".
Blanche, this is the ladies' room.
[evilly] Right.
What are you saying, Rose? Weddings get you hot?
Yes. I mean, it was fine when Charlie was alive, but oh, I'll never forget that first wedding after he died. So now you see why I can't go if Miles is going to be out of town. I might end up almost going to bed with the caterer again!
Rose, I want to help, but first you have to tell me what the problem is.
S5 E23All Bets Are Off
[referring to her painting] I think it's impossible to paint autumn in St. Olaf.
How come?
Maybe it's because of the horrible St. Olaf Falling Leif story.
Rose, if this a story about a man named Leif, I don't want to hear it.
It's not that long.
No.
It has a surprise ending.
All right Rose, just the ending, but keep it short!
...Splat!
[on her paintings] I call them "Winter of St. Olaf," "Spring of St. Olaf," and "Summer of St. Olaf."
DDonald
Why haven't you painted the "Fall of St. Olaf"?
Because it hasn't happened yet. Although we came pretty close when New Math came along.
Rose, I think he's referring to autumn.
Blanche, what's wrong, you're shaking?
I have been humiliated and degraded.
Many times, you're just figuring it out now?
Sophia, I've decided to wear this little watch on a chain nestled cunningly in my cleavage. Do I need anything else?
Implants.
S5 E24The President's Coming! The President's Coming!
If you need to know any more about me...I have pictures.
SSSecret Service Agent
So do we.
S6 E1Blanche Delivers
What is taking so long? It's been hours.
It took me three and a half days to have Dorothy. [pause] I finally coaxed her out with a pork chop.
You know, Ma, you're really making me feel very bad. You keep telling me how hard it was to have me and how long it took.
Did I mention the colic?
Ma, you're hurting my feelings.
Not as much as you hurt my oonie.
[looks around in embarrassment] MA!
Oh, it doesn’t matter what your parents want, Rose, you’re never going to make them happy. They’re just gonna nag you and nag you until you want to grab their throats and choke 'em, but you don’t because you’re in a hospital with resuscitating equipment!!!
[looking unamused, though knowing that she was targeted] In other words, Rose, hang up the skates.
Oh Sophia, Big-Foot... thank you! I mean, you’re terrific! You made me realize you don’t have to please your parents. I don’t know how I can thank you. No more ice-skating! And I’m not gonna go over Niagara Falls in a barrel!
No, Rose, that you should do.
[screaming from labor pains] Oh... ohh... ohhh... YIKES!
[knocks on wall behind her head] Blanche, cut it out. I'm trying to get some sleep.
I'm going to have my baby in a natural birthing center with no painkillers.
Becky, honey, I told you where babies come from, did I ever mention where they come out?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Golden Girls pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.