Stan quotes from The Golden Girls

Stan

Eat your potato.

Dorothy

Oh honey, I know it's a very important vegetable to you but I'm really stuffed.

Stan

Then stick your finger in it.

Dorothy

Stanley, you pig!

Stan

Come on, I don't ask much.

Dorothy

Oh all right, but we're gonna get you a hobby. [Sticks her finger in the potato] There's something hard in here... it's a... it's a... it's a scalding hot ring! [sticks her hand in the water pitcher to cool it off] Oh, Stan, it's beautiful.

Rose

[reading Dorothy's "bio" at the bachelorette auction] "If Dorothy's not off winging her way to Molokai to assist Father Damien in his work with the lepers, you can find her hang-gliding high above the Florida Keys."

Dorothy

Rose... where did you get that?!

Rose

From your mother. Before she and I talked, I wasn't aware of any of it. [continues reading] "She's a scratch golfer who, under President Jimmy Carter, served as the United States Senate Majority Whip. And she likes to read."

Sophia

[to Blanche] I figured, close with the truth. It'll kind of anchor the rest.

Dorothy

I want to thank you all for holding this event on a night when my hang-glider is in the shop, and Congress is in recess, and the lepers are on Geraldo. Go ahead Rose.

Rose

Right Dorothy. All right, now let's start the bidding at five dollars.

Five dollars!

Stan

[entering lobby] One hundred dollars.

Dorothy

Stanley! What are you doing here?

Stan

I'm buying a date with the woman I love.

Dorothy

Oh geez! Not in front of people!

One hundred and ten!

Sophia

[to Blanche, about the bidder, who is a man they all "bought" for Dorothy] What the hell is he doing? Didn't you give him a limit?

Dorothy

Security! Have this man removed! He's a lonely male impersonator.

Two-ten!

Blanche

[jumps up from table] What?! What is WRONG with you? The woman's been with lepers!

Stan

Three hundred!

Dorothy

Stanley stop it! I am not going out with you. I would rather be bound and gagged, and left on an anthill covered with honey.

FOUR HUNDRED!

Four-ten!

Dorothy

SOLD!

Rose

Dorothy, I say that.

Stan

Five hundred!

Blanche

SOLD!

Dorothy

[pointing to Rose] SHE says that!

Blanche

Rose, do something!

Rose

SOLD! Sorry Dorothy, that's $500 for the Children's Hospital. I guess dreams really can come true.

Dorothy

She's out of M-O-N-E-Y.

Stan

Well, she's not getting mine!

Dorothy

She's not out of monkey, Stan; she's out of money!