Rose Nylund quotes from The Golden Girls

Sophia

I read that flyer you brought home. Every time you get a pamphlet, I get that disease. And not just diseases. I thought for a while I was a Jew for Jesus!

Rose

Hi, Sophia.

Sophia

Shalom.

Rose

You know, back in Minnesota, I was known as the Sherlock Holmes of St. Olaf.

Dorothy

Figured out which one was Shinola, did you, Rose?

Rose

The hard way.

Rose

[Blanche is disgusted that Posey is flirting with Kendall] You flirted with him.

Blanche

I'm from the South! Flirting is part of my heritage.

Rose

What do you mean?

Dorothy

Her mother was a slut too.

Rose

[pointing at the maitre'd] The butler did it!

I'm a maitre'd.

Rose

Thank you. [points again] The maitre'd did it!

Philip did it!

Gloria did it!

Sophia

It was Colonel Mustard in the library with the candlestick. [sees that everyone is staring at her] Oh, she says the butler did it and I'm the idiot?

Rose

I got it! A maitre'd is some kind of waiter!

Dorothy

[upon seeing the corpse on the bed in Blanche's room] All right, Ma, give me your mirror.

Rose

What for?

Dorothy

Every morning I hold it under Ma's nose. If it fogs up, I start the coffee.

Rose

Maybe that bloody dagger will lead us to the murder weapon!

St. Olaf?

Rose

[Amazed] Boy, he is good!

Dorothy

[angrily] You're not helping, Rose! It's almost as though you believe Blanche is guilty!

Rose

Well, she lied about my earrings, and then she took them. I mean, deceit, then theft--isn't murder the next logical step?

Dorothy

St. Olaf, right?

Blanche

There's just one hitch. I need three more people to get the group rate at the hotel.

Sophia

I thought hotels always gave you the group rate.

Rose

Yes, sweetheart, but this is for the whole night!

Blanche

[complaining about Nurse DeFarge] Dorothy, at 2am in the morning, I was entertaining a gentleman caller, when she walked in at the most inopportune time. I could have lost my balance and chipped a tooth!

Rose

You think that's bad? She came into my room when I was reenacting the plank-walking scene from Peter Pan.

Dorothy

What the hell goes on at night in this house?!!

'Blanche

[shouting to the person behind the front door] Uh...you can't come in here! We all have -- quick, Rose, give me a deadly disease!

Rose

I'm sorry Blanche, I don't have a deadly disease.

Blanche

Well, get one.

Rose

[showing off the ring] Hi everyone. If I seem a little giddy, it's because... look what Miles gave me!

Sophia

[examining Rose's hand] Liver spots?

Rose

What's going on?

Dorothy

Oh, Stevie's leaving Blanche for Tokyo, Rose.

Rose

Well, I can understand that; she is a big radio personality.

Dorothy

You know, I never had a sponge cake that was quite so......moist.

Extremely moist.

Rose

The moistest.

Sophia

I found the tea rather moist as well. [Dorothy gives her a look]

Sophia

I can't be uncomfortable too?

Rose

So how was [your date], Blanche?

Blanche

You might as well ask me to describe the glory of the great Smoky Mountains as they rise from the mist of the Carolina dawn!

Dorothy

They went to a sleazy motel.

Blanche

Or the colours of the monarch butterfly spreading its wings as it emerges from the miracle of the cocoon!

Dorothy

She got him to pay for half the room.

Blanche

Or the sturdy cypress, reaching heaven, tall and mighty and proud!

Dorothy

That one, I think, is pretty self-explanatory.

Sophia

[on Dorothy's good mood] If I know my Dorothy, there's only one thing that makes her this happy.

Rose

You're going back to Shady Pines?

Sophia

No, you moron, she has a date!