The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air Season 4 quotes

Philip

[eats what seems to be a cake] Mmm. This fat-free cake isn't bad, Geoffrey.

Geoffrey

Sir, that's a sponge.

Will

Uncle Phil, you CANNOT go to the Hotel with that Woman.

Philip

It's just for a little dinner.

Will

Yeah, then dessert, the likes of which even you ain't never seen. Listen, Uncle Phil, Janice is the one that got away, right?

Philip

Yeah.

Will

Well, she ain't get away from me.

Philip

What?

Will

Uncle Phil, I was dropping Wendy off back at the hotel, right? And then you know I'm walking down the hall, and then Mrs. Robertson comes up and she asking me about the quake, so you know I'm going in and telling her and then she slips into something more comfortable. And then she grab these pictures, she's showing pictures of San...San-something, and then, you know, before I knew it, you know: ta-dow.

Philip

Ta-dow?

Will

Taaaaaa-dow.

Philip

Ta-dow. OOOH! YOU SLEPT WITH JANICE!

Ashley

[As her Father] Ashley, go to your room.

Carlton

Oh, I love this!

Ashley

[As her Father] And take Carlton with you.

Carlton

Hey I'm not going anywhere.

Philip

You heard what I said.

Will

For Mother's Day, I got my baby shoes bronzed. (Show's his baby shoes are adult sized)

Ashley

These are your baby shoes?

Will

Well, you know what they say about guys with big feet?

Ashley

No, what?

Will

They be like, damn, you got some big feet.

Phillip

If you'll excuse me, I think I'll skip dinner. I don't have much of an appetite.

Geoffrey

Should I call 911?

Will

Hey, Uncle Phil, that is not cool, man, the way you're dissin' my father like that.

Phillip

The hell with your father!

Phillip, for God's sake - !

Phillip

He waltzes in here after fifteen years-

Will

Fourteen.

Phillip

Oh, excuse me - fourteen years - and acts like nothing has happened! Wake up, Will! This is the same guy who didn't think enough of you to pick up the damn phone!

Will

He made a mistake. I'm sorry that everyone can't be as perfect as you, Uncle Phil, but if I can forgive him, how come you can't?

Phillip

Because he's not doing this for you. He's doing this for himself. And if you think any differently, then you're a fool!

Hey, hey, just cool it! Just cool down; we can talk about this another time.

Will

You know what, Aunt Viv, ain't even nothing to talk about. I've been waiting for this for a long time - my whole life - and ain't nobody gonna stop me. Come tomorrow, I'm outta here!

Phillip

Oh, yeah? I don't think so.

Will

Who cares what you think?! YOU ARE NOT MY FATHER!

Phillip

Sit down.

I ain't got time for no lecture--

Phillip

I said sit down, Lou. [Lou sits down on the couch.] You know, Will was doing just fine until you showed up, but now that you're back, you have responsibilities to him.

Look, we're still gonna take the trip--

Phillip

Oh, bull! BULL! Will is not a coat that you hang in the closet then pick it up when you're ready to wear it! His life goes on! He's not supposed to be there for you, you're supposed to be there for him!

[abruptly stands up] YOU GET OFF MY BACK! You think I want this?! IT JUST HAPPENED! Now, when Will was a baby, I was scared and--

Phillip

CUT THE CRAP, ALL RIGHT?! CUT IT! 'Cuz I've been there! But I didn't run out on my family. I was there every day for them, because that's what a man does.

FINE, PHILLIP! You win! You're the man! Hey, you a better man than me! You happy?

Now are you gonna tell Will or not?

Phillip

I'm not going to do your dirty work for you.

Philip

I'm sorry, Will.

Will

You know what? This actually works out better for me. You know, the slimmies of summer come to class wearin' next to nothing, y'know what I'm sayin'?

Philip

Will, it's all right to be angry.

Will

Hey, why should I be mad? At least he said goodbye this time. I just wish I hadn't wasted my money buying this stupid present. [pulls a father-son statue from his bag]

Philip

I'm sorry. You know, if there was something I can do--

Will

Hey, y'know what, you ain't got to do nothin', Uncle Phil. You know, ain't like I'm still five years old, you know? [getting emotionally charged] Ain't like I'ma be sittin' every night asking my mom: "When's Daddy comin' home," you know? Who needs him? Hey, he wasn't there to teach me how to shoot my first basket, but I learned, didn't I? And I got pretty damn good at it too, didn't I, Uncle Phil?

Philip

Yeah, you did.

Will

Got through my first date without him, right? I learned how to drive, I learned how to shave, I learned how to fight without him, I had fourteen great birthdays without him! He never even sent me a damn card! [looks back at where Lou just left] THE HELL WITH HIM!!! ... I didn't need him then, I don't need him now.

Philip

[as Will passes him] Will…

Will

No, you know what, Uncle Phil? I'ma get through college without him, I'ma get a great job without him, I'ma marry me a beautiful honey, and I'ma have me a whole bunch of kids - I'ma be a better father than he ever was! And I sure as hell don't need him for that, 'CAUSE THERE AIN'T A DAMN THING HE COULD EVER TEACH ME ABOUT HOW TO LOVE MY KIDS! [pause; breaks down] How come he don't want me, man? [uncle Phil embraces him]

Philip

So, I have an ugly side.

Geoffrey

And you could write "Good Year" on it.

Will

Hey, Ashley, you didn't tell me that dude blew in your ear.

Philip

Me, either.

Ashley

Uh... I embellished?

Will

C'mon, Carlton, let's go!

Carlton

I thought you said you wanted to do it alone.

Will

I do. If I win, I need a witness. If I lose, you're my blood type.

Will

Listen, man, you've kicked me off this court for the last time!

I don't even remember kicking you off the first time.

Will

You really don't remember me?

No.

Will

Hey, can I borrow that ball? (he takes a basketball from one of Omar's friends) Let me give you a little hint. (he hits Omar in the head with the ball)

Oh, I remember you now. But I'm not like that anymore.

Will

Really? You still look like that same bald-headed punk to me.

Oh, yeah, I remember you. You're the chicken sandwich guy.

Will

I AM NOT A CHICKEN! My momma made me move. My momma made me move. I'd never leave Philly. I love it here.

So do I. That's why I started talking to the kids so that they won't make the same mistakes I did.

You have no choice.

Will

Oh yeah? You so stupid, you thought a quarterback was a refund. And you're so ugly, that when you were born, the doctor slapped both your parents. And your mom, oh my goodness. She's like a doorknob, everybody's had a turn.

Will

I guess the mom's the red button.

Will

Alright, let's go. Come on. (He tucks his head with hands.)

Look, I know what you're trying to do, but I'm not going to hit you.

Will

(get up) Then, I'll tell everyone you're a punk.

Be my guest.

Will

What about your rep?

You see those guys? (points at his friends) That's my rep. Brother, you need to grow up.

Will!

Carlton

Let me know if you need me.

Will

(on the phone) Hey, Uncle Phil.

Philip

Hey, Will, are you calling from the plane?

Will

Actually, I'm not on the plane.

Philip

Oh, did you miss your flight?

Will

Sort of.

Philip

Then, when are you coming back?

Will

I'm not.