Carlton Banks quotes from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air

Carlton

Can't I get moved to another room? I have a reputation to maintain, what about when I go into political office?

I'll tell you the same thing I told the last guy who asked me that. Just tell them you didn't inhale.

Carlton

Will, wake up.

Will

Yo, man. Go away.

Carlton

Will, this is the Senior prom. Also known as "Guaranteed Action Night".

Will

Rack 'em up!

Will

Man, we're eating.

Carlton

I have a big zit.

Philip

Carlton, we're eating.

[all scream] STOP WITH THE DAMN BELL!!!!!

Hilary

Will's really bombing up there. We should do something.

Carlton

Good idea. Boo, get off the stage, we want our money back, go back where you came from.

Philip

[to Will as he walks in the room] Excuse me! Is this what you've been tellin' my boy?!

Will

What?

Philip

That life is one big orgy?!

Philip

Well, college is hard work, son. Followed by a family, which is even more hard work! And a teenage daughter who doesn't wanna be seen with you in public! And a wife! A wife who won't let you anywhere near her! And a butler! A butler who may be the father of your child! And a gardener! A GUARD...!!

Carlton

DAD! DAD!

Trevor

(on TV; proposes to Hilary) Hilary Banks!

Hilary

Yes, Trevor?!

Trevor

Will you marry me?! (slams into the ground; whole family and Geoffrey watch in disbelief)

Will

I ain't no bungee expert or nothin', but I don't think he's supposed to be slammin' into the ground like that.

Hilary

"Please Stand By"? Great, the president's about to interrupt my marriage proposal.

Philip

Let's just pray that Trevor's okay. (later, after returning from Trevor's funeral) It was a lovely service.

Will

Trevor didn't look so bad for a dude that had a concrete facelift.

Carlton

Fool! Like that was his real head.

Could you two show a little compassion? Your sister is right behind you.

Hilary

I still can't understand.

Sweetheart, the lord giveth and the lord taketh away.

Hilary

No, I mean technically, am I a widow or what? This is all my fault, if I hadn't asked for a special proposal, Trevor would've been in my arms, instead of in my purse. (Pulls out a small urn.) I love you, Trevor. (Cries)

Will

Um, Hilary? Trevor wasn't cremated.

Hilary

Eww! Then who's this? (Hands the urn to Will who in turn, passes the urn to Geoffrey.)

Geoffrey

(Holding the urn) I'll see him to the door, sir.

Will

I'm taking... [looks at his class schedule] ...Western Pornography.

Carlton

[looks at schedule] Western Philosophy.

Philip

Western Philosophy, I'm impressed.

Carlton

He doesn't even know what Western Philosophy is.

Will

I do, too. It asks questions like, "Did anybody really think Kool Moe Dee was a cowboy?" (singing) The Wild Wild West. The Wild Wild West.

Carlton

(singing) I used to live downtown, on 29... (stops singing)

Carlton

Carlton the peacock says "Don't be a quitter. Pick up your litter."

Carlton

Come on guys, help me up.

Will

Yeah, we need clean-up in aisle five. There's some bird droppings.

Carlton

Big poopie.

Philip

What did you say?

Carlton

I say... Uh... Beg, puppy. To my pretend dog, Ernie. (doing the throwing the ball hand movement) Fetch, Ernie. He's gone now.

Carlton

(singing Kenny Rogers' The Gambler) You got to know when to hold 'em. Know when to fold 'em. Know when to walk away...

Will

Don't know when to shut up.

Will

O.K., Miss Banks. You were the former tenant of the aforementioned pool house. Is that correct?

Hilary

Yes.

Will

O.K., could you please tell us of your experiences there?

Hilary

Am I under oath?

Of course.

Hilary

Well, Trevor would come over at about 3:00 in the morning and we would...

Objection!

Will

Carlton, do you realize that they're workin' you harder than everybody else?

Carlton

Nonsense. We all had to repave the parking lot.

Will

Yeah, but the rest of us got to wear shoes.

Will

And in the words of my illustrious cousin, I'm-a make like a tree and leave.

Carlton

I never say that. It's make like a banana and split.

Will

Okay. I'll keep that in mind. [laughs]

Carlton

Look, I don't wanna see my father with tubes up his nose, okay?!

Will

Carlton, there's gonna come a time when all he has is tubes up his nose.

Carlton

Not my father!!

Will

Everybody's father! Except mine, cause I don't know where the hell he is!!