Carlton Banks quotes from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air

Carlton

Wow. Will, check out the talent. She's cool, she's hot, she's...

Will

YOUR BABY SISTER, MAN!

Carlton

[shrieks]

Will

Yo! Ease back, man! Ease back!

Carlton

What do you think you're doing?

Ashley

Buzz off, small stuff!

Carlton

That's it, Ashley! I want you to-- I'm ordering you to look unattractive!

Will

(to Ashley) What did you have for breakfast, hormones?

Ashley

Beat it! I'm workin' the room! [Walks up to a boy]

Ashley

Hi, Bobby

Carlton

Where'd she learn to walk like that?

Will

And where did she get that Lee Press-On body?

Will

I know you better float your midget boat on out of here. [pulls Kenny and pushes him into Carlton away from Ashley]

Will, man! Ease up!

Will

No, you ease up, man! What you trying to do?

The same thing you're trying to do. I'm just trying to press up this woman!

Will

YO, THAT AIN'T NO WOMAN THATS MY COUSIN!!!

Ashley

I am too a woman and I'd appreciate it if you'd stay out of my business!

Will

Don't you shake your neck at me like that, girl!

Ashley

Come on, Kenny!

Hey.

Carlton

AND DON'T SHAKE THAT EITHER!

Ashley

Wow!

Will

Dude sounds like a jackass.

Carlton

Actually, Will, he sounds like you.

Ashley

So when are we going out?

Oh, I don't know, baby. You have to let me check my book and I'll get back to you. You see, I wanna make sure I can give you my undivided attention.

Carlton

Actually Will, he's better than you.

I mean look at you. You got it going on. You got sweet hips, lips and finger tips. (a beautiful girl walks by) But baby got back! (to Ashley) Bye, baby. (while running towards the other girl) Whoa! Whoa! Wait a minute!

Carlton

Look, I know my sister needs me, but that girl is babe-a-licious!

Will

Carlton, I think you know what you have to do.

Carlton

I know, but still, I would have liked to have been there for Ashley. (runs after the beautiful girl)

Carlton

[about Cindy] She left me. I got the feeling she didn't wanna live with me.

Will

What made you think that?

Carlton

She said she didn't wanna live with me.

Will

Aw, man. I mean, she can't just walk out on you like that. What if the kid is yours?

Carlton

He's not.

Will

Carlton, come on. Just because the baby is cute doesn't mean you're not the father.

Carlton

I never slept with her. Look, since we're in a church, I feel the need to confess something. Please don't laugh. This is really hard for me to say. I'm a... A... [muffles the last word he says]

Will

You a German?

Carlton

No. I'm a virgin.

Will

What?

Carlton

I'm a virgin!

[sets off for home] It's nice to know somebody still is!

Carlton

I always knew Will was gonna be the downfall of this family, but no one ever listens to me.

What, honey? I'm sorry. I wasn't listening.

Carlton

(speaking into his tape recorder) Carlton's log. Will has been reduced to a pathetic shell of his former self. I, on the other hand, have the strength of 10 men!

Will

Will's log...(pulls a tree branch off the ground) is about to connect with Carlton's head!!

Will

How are we supposed to build a fire, Uncle Phil? It's snowing outside, all the wood's soaking wet.

Carlton

Then we'll freeze to death! I don't wanna die! I wanna go to college and poke fun at all the kids on financial aid! I wanna see Karate Kid 17!

Philip

My God. Is that Will?

No, Philip, it's Richard Nixon in a Will mask.

Carlton

No, Mom. I think that's really Will!

Carlton

Why don't you act like an adult?

Will

Why don't you look like one?

Will

Hold up, Hold up, Time-out Time-out, flag on the play, traveling, offsides, clipping. What up with this here?

Carlton

Hillary, how'd you know that?

Easy, Geoffrey's been watching that Brain Storm tape all day.

Philip

You did what?! Are you out of your horny, little adolescent minds?

Carlton

I know I am.

Will

This is my little brother, Carlton! He knows we can't afford new clothes so he just doesn't grow!

Carlton

(To Geoffrey) Daddy! I wanna grow!

Will

Tell me there's a baseball in this case.

Carlton

It's empty.

Will

I guess you weren't listening!

Will

Carlton, say something to the baby.

Carlton

Never let Will borrow money... even if he begs and he will.

Will

(talking into recorder} That's your brother, Carlton. You'll recognize him. He'll be the one at eye level.

Carlton

What happened? And where's Mom?

Well, without you, your family was defenseless against Will. They started to focus on happiness instead of success. You mother ran away with the milk man, your father quit his practice to paint, Ashley does nothing but dance all day and Hilary just does her hair. Well, maybe not everything changed.