Lewis Kiniski quotes from The Drew Carey Show

Lewis

... and that's why the French don't wash.

Lewis

Hey, I gave one guy three black eyes.

Lewis

[about Drew and Janet] What if it doesn't work out? If she dumps you, it'll make things incredibly awkward. And if you dump her, there'll be nobody to comfort her because everybody will be too busy trying to catch the monkeys that are flying out of my butt.

Lewis

Sounds like she's really got you by the 'pen is.'

Lewis

What are you doing here? What are you doing in my rumpus room?

Lewis

[to the waitress] Who the hell are you? What are you doing in my rumpus room?

Lewis

[to Oswald] Why don't you get Daddy a Jagrmeister?

Lewis

What if one of us has surprisingly red hair?

Lewis

I can't do the Baby Elephant Walk. It just wouldn't be right.

Drew

Ask me about my day, I dare you.

Lewis

Drew, how was your day?

Drew

You're not sincere enough.. [Points to Oswald] YOU! Ask me about my day.

Oswald

Drew, how was your day?

Drew

Lousy. It was like the rubber glove part of a physical exam.

Kate

Did you and Pam have a fight?

Lewis

No, we were just in the neighborhood and...she kicked me out of the car and drove away.

Drew

Did you try to get her to wear that thing again?

Lewis

Yeah.

Kate

[referring to the 'thing' from the above quote] I TOLD you women don't think those things are sexy!

Lewis

Hey, if it's not sexy, how come I had to order it from Mexico?

Drew

How did I harass Nora by putting up that cartoon? Define sexual harassment for me!

Lewis

According to this, sexual harassment is any unwelcome touching or advance.

Drew

That's every sexual advance I make!

Lewis

How about some 8-ball? Winner gets complete control of the loser's life.

Oswald

Wait, I already lost that to you last week.

Lewis

Well, then you have no choice.

Kate

[about Earl] So he is crazy?

Oswald

Hey, I don't want to be the first to call anybody crazy.

Kate

...I already did.

Oswald

Then I concur. He's wicky in the wacky woo.

Drew

How could I miss it? We gave him a psychological profile. He passed with flying colors. Look. Under the question, "Have you ever experienced seizures, blackouts, or been institutionalized?" Says 'Never'

Kate

It doesn't say 'Never'; it says 'Over' as in 'turn over'.

Drew

No, it doesn't. [turns paper over] OH MY GOD!

Lewis

What's it say?

Drew

Well, it says in so many words, technically speaking, that he's wicky in the wacky woo.