Mimi Bobeck quotes from The Drew Carey Show

Mimi

[Mimi walks to her desk and sees the man who looks exactly like Drew.] So much crap, they had to start a second pile.

Drew

Ms. Bobeck, will you please tell the court what you told me out in the hall? And remember, there were witnesses! [gestures to Kate, Oswald and Lewis]

Mimi

I said I think you're a disgusting pig and I hate your guts with an all-consuming passion.

Drew

After that.

Mimi

I'd do whatever it took to get you put away.

Drew

After that.

Mimi

You four-eyed butt weasel.

Drew

Your honour, I would like you to consider this witness's testimony impeached and I also would like to request a 10 minute recess because, well, that hurt!

Mimi

So, I see you've got a Bible there. Let me save you some reading; you're going to Hell.

Drew

Yeah, I've always wanted to see your place.

Drew

Hi, Mimi. Say, anyone ever mistake you for a woman?

Mimi

I'll have you know that men find me...

Drew

Yeah, I know. They find you with the lights out, or they find you at last call, or they find you blocking the view of the woman they want to hit on.

Mimi

I'm ready for you. (She takes out a magnifying glass.)

Drew

You know, Mimi, I might get excited and have to do a little lap dance... (He demonstrates. Mimi holds out a $50 bill.)

Mimi

Here's my fifty bucks. Keep your punching bag outta my face.

Drew

First, I have to ask a base question. Mimi Bobeck, did you invent the automobile?

Mimi

Yes, I did.

Give her something more difficult, something impossible for her to say yes to. It'll set this thing off like a pinball machine.

Drew

Alright. Hey Mimi, how'd you like to get out the butter and massage oil and do a little slip 'n slide with me later on?

Mimi

Sounds great. [Once again, the polygraph doesn't move] I am a god! Yes, yes, yes!