And that's me on the set of Dances With Wolves. They gave me a small part; I played "Throws Like a Girl."
Characters
Jay ShermanJon Lovitz · 52 quotes
Franklin ShermanGerrit Graham · 26 quotes
Duke PhillipsCharles Napier · 15 quotes
Alice TompkinsPark Overall · 9 quotes
Eleanor ShermanJudith Ivey · 8 quotes
Jeremy HawkeMaurice LaMarche · 6 quotes
Margo ShermanNancy Cartwright · 6 quotes
ArdethBrenda Vaccaro · 5 quotes
Doris GrossmanDoris Grau · 5 quotes
Marty ShermanChristine Cavanaugh · 5 quotes
Penny TompkinsRussi Taylor · 5 quotes
Humphrey the HippoTress MacNeille · 4 quotes
Principal MangosuthuMaurice LaMarche · 4 quotes
Vlada VeramirovichNick Jameson · 4 quotes
ShacklefordMaurice LaMarche · 3 quotes
DThe Devil3 quotes
Most scenes together: Jay Sherman & Alice Tompkins (3), Jay Sherman & Eleanor Sherman (3), Jay Sherman & Jeremy Hawke (2)
S1 E1Pilot
Now for the part that you love most and I find humiliating, on the Shermometer, this film rates an "absolute zero!" Brrr!
Why the hell do you have to be so critical?
I'm a critic.
No, your job is to rate movies on a scale from good to excellent.
What if I don't like them?
That's what good is for.
Now Son, you may just have noticed there was a beautiful woman in my bed.
I won't tell anyone.
Actually, I wish you would tell everyone. Particularly, your mother and her personal trainer, Alberto.
I'm not going to stop loving you after I've been decaying in the ground for 200 years.
(Angrily) Can't one dinner go by where we don't talk about your rotting corpse?
(Jay and Marty playing the arcade game "Escape from the Big Apple")
Hurry up Dad, you've only got ten seconds to get to Long Island.
Uh-oh, Yankee Stadium is emptying out!
And it's Nickel Beer Day! (Character jumps over crowd)
Oh no, the Reverend Al Sharpton!
ASAl Sharpton
Blah-Blah-Blah! Blah-Blah-Blah! Blah-Blah-Blah! Blah-Blah-Blah! Blah---
(Character turns into a skeleton and dies, "Game Over" screen appears)
Did you ever love a woman so much that --
TDTaxi Driver
Look at sign!
SSign
Driver Only Speaks Three Words Of English.
Please, you've got to tell me. Did a beautiful woman leave my apartment?
VValet
I wouldn't know. I've been drinking in the alley all morning.
Why are you telling me this?
Because you’re the only decent guy I’ve met in this dreadful country. I love you, mate.
Wow. That's twice in one day.
I love you too!
You just love my money.
That is true, but it is a love that will never die.
My shrink was right. God does hate me!
Good to see you, Adopted Master Jay.
S1 E2Marty's First Date
Well, I can sink a $50 million musical using only the word "Crap"!
Son, if there's one thing I know, it's how to read a woman. For example, that woman over there thinks I'm disgusting, and that woman thinks I'm Bigfoot! And that woman is wondering if she should call the cops to have me thrown out of the school.
(Singing to the opera tune Ride of the Valkyries) Give me your french fries! Give me your pot pies! I'll have a large size soft-serve ice cream!
S1 E5A Little Deb Will Do Ya
Hey look Mom, you and Hoover came out on the same day.
Don't you say that about your Uncle Edgar.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Critic pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.