And that's me on the set of Dances With Wolves. They gave me a small part; I played "Throws Like a Girl."
“Pilot” · Season 1, Episode 1
In this episode: Jay Sherman (10), Marty Sherman (2), Duke Phillips (1), Eleanor Sherman (1), Jeremy Hawke (1), Vlada Veramirovich (1), Shackleford (1)
Now for the part that you love most and I find humiliating, on the Shermometer, this film rates an "absolute zero!" Brrr!
Why the hell do you have to be so critical?
I'm a critic.
No, your job is to rate movies on a scale from good to excellent.
What if I don't like them?
That's what good is for.
Now Son, you may just have noticed there was a beautiful woman in my bed.
I won't tell anyone.
Actually, I wish you would tell everyone. Particularly, your mother and her personal trainer, Alberto.
I'm not going to stop loving you after I've been decaying in the ground for 200 years.
(Angrily) Can't one dinner go by where we don't talk about your rotting corpse?
(Jay and Marty playing the arcade game "Escape from the Big Apple")
Hurry up Dad, you've only got ten seconds to get to Long Island.
Uh-oh, Yankee Stadium is emptying out!
And it's Nickel Beer Day! (Character jumps over crowd)
Oh no, the Reverend Al Sharpton!
ASAl Sharpton
Blah-Blah-Blah! Blah-Blah-Blah! Blah-Blah-Blah! Blah-Blah-Blah! Blah---
(Character turns into a skeleton and dies, "Game Over" screen appears)
Did you ever love a woman so much that --
TDTaxi Driver
Look at sign!
SSign
Driver Only Speaks Three Words Of English.
Please, you've got to tell me. Did a beautiful woman leave my apartment?
VValet
I wouldn't know. I've been drinking in the alley all morning.
Why are you telling me this?
Because you’re the only decent guy I’ve met in this dreadful country. I love you, mate.
Wow. That's twice in one day.
I love you too!
You just love my money.
That is true, but it is a love that will never die.
My shrink was right. God does hate me!
Good to see you, Adopted Master Jay.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Critic pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.