Jay Sherman quotes from The Critic

So you see, looking back, I think the other kids always picked me last for sports because I was smarter than them, not because of my unpredictable bladder.

Now, I'm about to take off my shirt. A feeling of mild nausea is normal.

Well, back to work. Got to win the Pulitzer Prize. First I need a topic. (starts typing on typewriter) "Chaplin, Polański and Woody: Three Men and a Little Lady." Aah! (Throws paper away, starts typing again) "Meathead, Laverne, and Opie: Great Filmmakers of Our Day." (Puts his hands to his head) AAH!

I am a movie critic by trade, and until recently, I got paid to tell you people which movies merely stink and which ones you shouldn’t screen near an open flame. Well, I’m putting the burden of lousy movies back on you. It’s very simple: if you stop going to bad movies, they’ll stop making bad movies. If the movie used to be a TV show, just don’t go. After Roman numeral II, give it a rest. If it's a remake of a classic, rent the classic. Tell them you want stories about people, not a hundred million dollars of stunts and explosives. People, it’s up to you. If the movie stinks, just don’t go.

So you're not good at sports, we'll just have to find out what you are good at. In my case, it's complaining about movies that bring happiness to idiots.

Well, that's all for our show tonight. If you want to read more about trucking, I'm sorry but there just aren't any trucking books out there.