Duke Phillips quotes from The Critic

From Pilot

(On the phone) Hello Jay, this is your boss. I've just obtained legal permission to hunt men for sport, and I wondered if you'd like to come to my ranch tomorrow. Bring your jogging shoes.

Jay, you got a very valid point. But on the other hand, shut up!

I came here to swallow my pride, admit I was wrong, and beg you to come back to work for me again. But then I figured I'd take a moral shortcut and write you a check.

(About his new movie) Do you know how much it costs to get Saddam Hussein to play himself?

I can do anything I want. If I want Citizen Kanes last word to be "schwing," then that's what it's gonna be! I'm a god I tell you! A go-- (Clutches his chest in pain, falls to the floor and believes he is dying) Rosebud ... I mean "schwing!"

That's it! I'll run for president! Drop a whole mess a' bombs and put Merle Haggard on the Supreme Court!

(Picks up his cell phone) Get Webster on the phone. (On the phone with Noah Webster) Noah, how are you doin'? It's Duke. How much would it cost to make "Quyzbuk" a word? I don't know what it means, uh, how about "a big problem?" Great! How about that other word I invented, "Dukelicious?" No one's using it? What a Duketastrophe.

(A statue of Duke chanting) All hail Duke! Duke is life!

Make him SQUEAL!

Bazooka Duke says CHEW ON THIS!

Vote for Duke! Vote for Duke! Vote for Duke! ... VOTE FOR DUKE!

What is this? Annoy The Billionaire Day?!

(Describing himself on a talk show) I'm a self made billionaire. The only person who can bribe me is a Bazillionaire.