RalloMom!!!
[brandishing a bat] You havin' a nightmare?
Rallo
No. But–what were you gonna do— Never mind. Check it out. [touches "The Eliminator" line with a ruler] The day is here. I'm tall enough to ride The Eliminator, the scariest roller coaster there is.
Fine. We'll go to Crazy Kingdom this weekend. [Rallo hugs her by the legs] Now I gotta get back before Cleveland realizes I'm not in bed.
[off-screen] Donna? DONNA! I'm trapped inside the duvet cover!
Rallo
Mama, can I have some chocolate milk too for trying?
Of course you can have some. When you actually find something. Well, I'm off to the grocery store.
Rallo
Don't forget that stuff Miss Lowenstein needs you to buy me for the recital this Sunday.
[Donna moans as she heads to the door]
Rallo
Uh. You mean, other's day, 'cause Sunday is just an other day. [laughs] Nothing special.
Huh. Nothing special my fanny. Check out what I made for my mommy for Mommy's Day. [lifts the present to reveal a clay model of Evelyn's head] I made a bust of my mom's head. [pours milk on it] It's also a volcano! [makes sounds as the milk explodes] Spew. Spew. Spew.
[sobs] Well, I'm running late for weeping in my car.
[leaves]
[Rallo throws Cleveland's project out]
Rallo
Have you lost you mind? You don't mention Mother's Day in front of her. The woman was abandoned at birth by her mother.
Donna was? Oh yeah. [thinking] Poor Donna. Well, I'd better talk to her. Good thing I've been practicing my listening face.
[Cleveland is in bed with Donna as he listens]
Cleveland, what the hell are you doing?
[Roberta is texting]
Thanks for making it so we can't have costumes, Roberta. You ruined Halloween!
It's my mom and Cleveland's fault. They're the ones who said we can't buy costumes this year.
[Rallo comes by on a tricycle, dressed as a dummy]
Rallo
Except for me, 'cause I'm so cuuute! [stabs a tomato with a knife] Die! Die! Die! Die! Die!
[he leaves]
Awww. [to Cleveland Jr.] Look, I'm still going out this Halloween, and since I can't go with someone sexy, I'm gonna dress up as the least sexy thing possible. [changes her hair into Donna's] This is how I'm getting back at my mom.
You're gonna have sex with my dad!
No! I'm going as my mom. And you should go as Cleveland. Then we could go out, egg houses, T.P. trees...
[a knife stab is heard and Rallo screams]
Rallo
I cut myself pretty bad!
And people will think Dad did it.
Come on, Junior. Let's get you in Cleveland's clothes. [walks to the closet]
Okay, but don't look at my breasts. They're not finished.
Rallo
[off-screen] Oh, no, no, no. Y'all keep planning your pranks. I'll just sit over here and bleed out.
AAnnouncer
And now back to Mystery Science Magic Johnson Theater 3000.
BGBlack Guy 1
Daaaaamn! The flying saucer just crashed and bleep, son!
BGBlack Guy 2
Awm snap, that alien is all leavin' the spaceship, yo!
BGBlack Guy 1
Oh-ho-ho! Now he's shootin' at the alien kid! He's shootin' at him!
Rallo
Y'all shut up! I'm trying to watch a movie!
measuring the ruler, singing Hark the herald turkeys sing, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble...
gets poked by a dart by Rallo Aah! What the hell, Rallo?!
Rallo
How come you felt that one and not the first four?
What? [sees darts behind] One, two, three, four... Whoa-whoa-whoa, okay, we're leaving that in there.
Rallo
[after making a strike] He's unstoppable! [signals to Donna] The crowd wondering how he could even be related to that old, leathery bowling bag. Ha! Strike, turkey.
[Donna get three pins]
Rallo
Ha, already got you bustin' out the kid-friendly swear words. You know that? You got more exes in real life than you do in bowling. Ha! Strike, turkey.
Rallo
Mom?
Rallo
[clears his throat] Off-color terms for a woman's privates include: [bleep, bleep]. And most offensively, [bleep]. [smiles]
[Furious and offended, Donna kicks Rallo's door open, throws him in his room, and closes the door, leaving him alone with Junior, who is sleeping, moping around and still grounded]
Rallo
Hey, man. I couldn't let you serve out this sentence alone. So, is that top bunk taken? [pokes Junior] Junior?
[reveals his bald head and a tear in his eye] You sleep on the floor, 'cause you're my BITCH.
Rallo
Please don't knock my teeth out!
[about to punch him] You're 5, you'll grow more.
Rallo
[backs away until he bumps into the door then shouts] Mama!
[annoyed, off-screen] What?!
Rallo
It was me! I stole the candy bar! Junior had nothing to do with it, I swear! Please let him go!
[takes off the rubber bald head and wipes off the tear, revealing to be a charade] Thanks, Rallo. But do let me know when your teeth fall out. [skips happily and giggles]
[sees a candy bar laying on the ground and picks it up] Where did this come from?
[claps hands] I hope a tree.
Rallo, did you steal this?
Rallo
What? Oh, 'cause I'm black?
Well, one of you boys stole it, and until someone comes cleaned, you're both grounded.
Rallo
Aw, for what?
And Roberta, you were supposed to be watching them. You're grounded, too.
Nuh-uh! How are you gonna cage a hurricane?
You know what? Because of that, [loudly] everybody's grounded!
1Y15-year-old Hispanic girl
But it's my quinceanera.
[to Rallo & Junior] All right, you booger eaters. My punishment is being in charge of your punishment. And I won't tolerate any humpin', bumpin', crumpin' or dumpin'.
[throws down the clean stuff] Thanks a lot, Rallo! I've never been grounded before!
Rallo
Look, relax. You're squeaky clean. As long as we apologize, Mom will unground us, time served, and you can go on about your creepy business.
I'm not apologizing for something I didn't do. YOU stole that candy!
Rallo
Fine, then I guess we're stuck here 'til you change your mind. [sits on the toilet seat and reads a book] [sees Junior staring at him] Look away. No, don't. Get used to this.
Rallo
[grunting] I'm gettin' strong in lock-up. What you readin'?
We didn't have the Koran, so I'm reading my leather-bound Judy Blume collection. [giggles] That girl's called "Blubber". What a fat-ass.
[to Rallo and Cleveland Jr. from downstairs; off-screen] Prisoner 1 and Prisoner 19, report downstairs.
Rallo
[to Cleveland Jr.] Okay, just say you're sorry and we'll be fine.
I'm not saying sorry. I didn't do jack!
Rallo
Fine, then every man for himself.
[to Rallo] Now, what happened?
Rallo
First off, I'd like to say the punishment was fair. I was even able to earn my TV/VCR repair certificate in here. Second, we may never know exactly what happened that unfortunate afternoon in the park, but I take full responsibility for my part, whatever it may or may not have been.
That took guts, Rallo. Junior?
I did NOT steal that candy bar. That's it.
[to Junior] Do you think I'm running a clown shop, Junior? Candy chocolate bar? Your sweet teeth? I know you did it!
Rallo, you showed remorse. You are free to go. Junior, you fat liar! You are grounded indefinitely!
Rallo
Hosanna!
Gavel, schmavel. Living room adjourned. [Cleveland Jr. whimpers, then rushes to his room, to Donna] Mama, I'll let Rallo go. Is that okay?
Oh, you guys still doing that? Whatever. I'm going to Shakespeare in the Park if Cleveland ever gets here.
The Cleveland Show · 168 quotes
