(beaming) Me? Pregnant?
No question of doubt. It's down here in black and white.
Oh, I don't mind what colour it is, as long as it's a baby!
S5Pregnant!
Timothy, you're a woman, aren't you?
TTim
(pauses) I'm a what?
I have the lab report on your sample, Tim. By the way, you're also pregnant.
S5UXB
I can't see him till 10, can I?
Why not?
It takes half an hour for the pills to work!
If you remember, Mr Brittas, you told the ambulance men to come round to the back in future. You thought it was better for morale.
S5The Last Day
I am speaking to you from my office on the first floor, on a matter of grave importance. As you know, I was recently appointed Commissioner for Sport and representative of Her Britannic Majesty in the European Union. What you may not know is that for some days, I have been in dispute with the German delegation, concerning the extent of their contribution, and it was to this end that I delivered yesterday an ultimatum to the Germans, that if I did not have an official assurance by 12 noon today, a spirit of friendship and co-operation would no longer exist between us, making me unable to accept my new position. I have to tell you now that no such assurance has been received, and therefore I am standing down as Commissioner for Sport.
S5Christmas Special: In the Beginning
Laura, how's the lorry driver?
Yeah, I gave him your message about staying, Mr Brittas, but he said he'd rather take his chances in the snow.
Why can't we use the canteen?
If you remember, Julie, the canteen was sealed by the police until after the inquests.
If there's food in there...
I spoke to one of the forensic scientists, Gavin. You wouldn't want to touch it.
Every time I walk into a room, a fight seems to break out.
S6Back with a Bang
Why am I holding up a green flag?
He's out of my train set, Mr Brittas.
He doesn't look very like me.
TTim
Oh, I don't know. He's waving his arms about, blowing a whistle, nobody's taking any notice, and he's entirely made out of plastic.
The details are coming back. That coffin was very cramped. Most uncomfortable. I suspect it didn't conform to European standards.
S6Body Language
It's an ugly bug ball. I've sewn Ben into a pillowcase. He's going as a chrysalis. He's in there pupating at the moment.
I don't know if you've come from another planet, or if you can understand me, but if you have, and if you can, I'd like you to know that you have effected an unauthorised entry into this leisure centre, which is in clear breach of the council by-laws, incurring automatic membership suspension. Also, you're gonna have to pay for this damage!
S6At the Double
AAmerican
We represent the First National Church of Chattanooga. Do I have the pleasure of speaking to Mr Gordon Bright-ass?
We went to a Vicars and Tarts party once. I went as the vicar, and he went as a Bakewell tart. The dog was all over him.
S6A Walk on the Wildside
Interesting walk, Mr Brittas?
Incident-packed, Colin, though not interesting per se. Certainly not as interesting as walk number 27.
Ah, yes, the roundabouts of Whitbury. Their verges and their bollards... Fascinating stuff.
A heady brew for any walker. Give me a hand with this, will you?
Certainly, Mr Brittas... (Starts removing the hose and wheel around Mr Brittas' neck) I've done two more walks myself, Mr Brittas, for your research.
Good man! Debrief in my office, ten minutes.
Wilco, Mr Brittas. I've also rigged up the "Face in the Crowd" display, but I'm afraid I have to report that. Mrs Bidmead has defaced the poster.
(Colin shows Brittas the writing that reads "EXCEPT THE SAUNA AND SOLARIUM")
Dear, oh dear, oh dear!
Shall I call the police?
Not yet, Colin, I'd better look into the matter first.
If it should come to court, Mr Brittas, Carole here was a witness to the whole event.
(Brittas turns to Carole)
Is this true, Carole?
Yes, Mr Brittas.
In fact, it was Carole who lent her the pen.
Really, Carole?
Well, I suppose so...
So you are in fact an accessory to this alleged act of vandalism?
Well, I suppose...
I would be careful what you say, Carole. I shall, of course, be holding a fully internal inquiry, but I'd strongly advise you not to say anything at all till you've spoken to your legal representative.
Yes, Mr Brittas...
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Brittas Empire pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.