Tim quotes from The Brittas Empire

We're all going to die!

I've just seen Larry Whittaker. He says he's going to kill Brittas!

I've always liked Larry.

Julie

We need something much more drastic!

Like what?

Julie

Like...like total no co-operation! Anything he wants done, just don't do it!

Well, you don't anyway, do you?

Linda

I could ask Edward. I'm sure he'd come. We were at school together.

Thank you, Linda. See, that wasn't difficult. Why can't you do that, Tim?

Well, Edward's already going with Linda.

On seeing a potential hazard, we think about it, don't we? We identify the problems. Then we tell the rest of the team. "Think, Identify, Tell".

TIT!

I'm sorry, Tim?

I said "tit", Mr Brittas.

It's a mnemonic, Mr Brittas.

Timothy, you're a woman, aren't you?

(pauses) I'm a what?

I have the lab report on your sample, Tim. By the way, you're also pregnant.

Why am I holding up a green flag?

Colin

He's out of my train set, Mr Brittas.

He doesn't look very like me.

Oh, I don't know. He's waving his arms about, blowing a whistle, nobody's taking any notice, and he's entirely made out of plastic.

Let's go, please.

Helen

Er, Gordon?

In a moment, my darling, just getting rid of these trespassers. (to the trespassers) Out you go, please... Out you go! Out you go there. (to Gavin) Right, Gavin, we are now in a position to close the Centre on the grounds that it is in fact a plague zone.

Right, Mr Brittas.

Right.

Helen

Gordon, could you come here a moment, please?

Yes, my angel! (Walks up to Helen)

Helen

I don't know quite how to put this...

Oi, pillock! I've had enough!

(pointing to the man angrily) YOU are banned for life! Gavin, I thought we'd thrown him out.

You can't ban me, I'm on a public right of way!

Naaaaaaaahhh. (Points to the man) That's is where you are wrong, squire. Gavin, eject him forthwith!

I'm panicking! I'm panicking! I'm panicking! I've seen him... The Grim Reaper, we're all gonna die!

Helen

(Horrified) Oh no! I think you've killed him! My husband!

What?

Helen

My husband...

What? (Observes that Harry has died) So, it's finally come to this. (to the man) In a desperate attempt to claim the prize, you've killed the real winner!

Colin

Any more for sheep dip?

Colin, call the police.

Colin

With pleasure, Mr Brittas. We're finally going to arrest Mrs. Bidmead, are we?

Gavin thinks I'm tough, but just the thought of that bungee jump scares me to death!

Linda

You're going to die anyway if you get pneumonia.

Well, I don't mind dying of something I'm not scared of.

Timothy! You've arranged to play squash with Gavin, you're all set and raring to go. When suddenly, he stands you up because he's decided to go out with his girlfriend! Course of action?

Well, there are a number of options, Mr Brittas: tampering with his brakes, electrocuting him with his CD player...

No! You play with yourself!

It took me years to make Deputy! How come Carole does it overnight?

Ah well, she's got a "lion within", you see.

Oh, yeah? And what have I got?

...A gerbil?