Gavin quotes from The Brittas Empire

I've just seen Larry Whittaker. He says he's going to kill Brittas!

I've always liked Larry.

The important thing is not to let her get upset or frustrated.

Laura

Absolutely. We mustn't let her get angry...where's Mr Brittas?

On seeing a potential hazard, we think about it, don't we? We identify the problems. Then we tell the rest of the team. "Think, Identify, Tell".

TIT!

I'm sorry, Tim?

I said "tit", Mr Brittas.

It's a mnemonic, Mr Brittas.

Julie

Why can't we use the canteen?

If you remember, Julie, the canteen was sealed by the police until after the inquests.

If there's food in there...

Laura

I spoke to one of the forensic scientists, Gavin. You wouldn't want to touch it.

Arms wide open, head back, a bit lower... (He and his family smile for the camera just as Mr Brittas and Gavin enter the swimming pool)

So Mrs Bidmead didn't take it?

Not as far as I know, Mr Brittas, no.

Right everybody, positions.

I might have known, it's you!

That's what I've been trying to tell you.

So now, you've added theft to your list of criminal activities, have you? (Points to the poster) That poster is Leisure Centre property. It's also central to an inquiry that I'm currently... (The poster goes in the water) You've really done it now! How can I continue my inquiry now you've destroyed the vital evidence. You are guilty of perverting the course of justice, so I have no alternative but to ban you from this leisure centre for the rest of your natural life.

Colin

Mr Brittas, I've... hit a bit of a snag. (Rushes into the changing rooms)

Let's go, please.

Helen

Er, Gordon?

In a moment, my darling, just getting rid of these trespassers. (to the trespassers) Out you go, please... Out you go! Out you go there. (to Gavin) Right, Gavin, we are now in a position to close the Centre on the grounds that it is in fact a plague zone.

Right, Mr Brittas.

Right.

Helen

Gordon, could you come here a moment, please?

Yes, my angel! (Walks up to Helen)

Helen

I don't know quite how to put this...

Oi, pillock! I've had enough!

(pointing to the man angrily) YOU are banned for life! Gavin, I thought we'd thrown him out.

You can't ban me, I'm on a public right of way!

Naaaaaaaahhh. (Points to the man) That's is where you are wrong, squire. Gavin, eject him forthwith!

I'm panicking! I'm panicking! I'm panicking! I've seen him... The Grim Reaper, we're all gonna die!

Helen

(Horrified) Oh no! I think you've killed him! My husband!

What?

Helen

My husband...

What? (Observes that Harry has died) So, it's finally come to this. (to the man) In a desperate attempt to claim the prize, you've killed the real winner!

Colin

Any more for sheep dip?

Colin, call the police.

Colin

With pleasure, Mr Brittas. We're finally going to arrest Mrs. Bidmead, are we?

Helen

(conspiratorially) Who's the most daring, the most macho member of staff? Is it Tim? Or Colin? Or you?

(looks nervous) I'd say Julie.

It took me years to make Deputy! How come Carole does it overnight?

Ah well, she's got a "lion within", you see.

Oh, yeah? And what have I got?

...A gerbil?

It is seven years to the day since the first member of public came through those hallowed portals.

And you threw him out, Mr Brittas!

He was wearing unauthorised water wings, Gavin.