Interesting walk, Mr Brittas?
Incident-packed, Colin, though not interesting per se. Certainly not as interesting as walk number 27.
Ah, yes, the roundabouts of Whitbury. Their verges and their bollards... Fascinating stuff.
A heady brew for any walker. Give me a hand with this, will you?
Certainly, Mr Brittas... (Starts removing the hose and wheel around Mr Brittas' neck) I've done two more walks myself, Mr Brittas, for your research.
Good man! Debrief in my office, ten minutes.
Wilco, Mr Brittas. I've also rigged up the "Face in the Crowd" display, but I'm afraid I have to report that. Mrs Bidmead has defaced the poster.
(Colin shows Brittas the writing that reads "EXCEPT THE SAUNA AND SOLARIUM")
Not yet, Colin, I'd better look into the matter first.
If it should come to court, Mr Brittas, Carole here was a witness to the whole event.
(Brittas turns to Carole)
In fact, it was Carole who lent her the pen.
So you are in fact an accessory to this alleged act of vandalism?
I would be careful what you say, Carole. I shall, of course, be holding a fully internal inquiry, but I'd strongly advise you not to say anything at all till you've spoken to your legal representative.
Got them old maps you wanted.
And Brussels phoned to see how you're getting on with your "Walks for Health." Apparently, they're getting a very good response from leisure centres throughout Europe.
There's mad buggers wandering all over the place! And the Germans have already marched through Poland.
Yes, alright, Julie, that's a commentary on walk number 38.
More? I'm gonna induce myself banging away on that keyboard all day, every day.
Send a copy to the liaison office at the Ramblers Association, I'm keeping them au fait with the developments...
Yeah, yeah... (exits the office)
MMan
Arms wide open, head back, a bit lower... (He and his family smile for the camera just as Mr Brittas and Gavin enter the swimming pool)
So Mrs Bidmead didn't take it?
Not as far as I know, Mr Brittas, no.
MMan
Right everybody, positions.
I might have known, it's you!
MMan
That's what I've been trying to tell you.
So now, you've added theft to your list of criminal activities, have you? (Points to the poster) That poster is Leisure Centre property. It's also central to an inquiry that I'm currently... (The poster goes in the water) You've really done it now! How can I continue my inquiry now you've destroyed the vital evidence. You are guilty of perverting the course of justice, so I have no alternative but to ban you from this leisure centre for the rest of your natural life.
Mr Brittas, I've... hit a bit of a snag. (Rushes into the changing rooms)
In a moment, my darling, just getting rid of these trespassers. (to the trespassers) Out you go, please... Out you go! Out you go there. (to Gavin) Right, Gavin, we are now in a position to close the Centre on the grounds that it is in fact a plague zone.
Gordon, could you come here a moment, please?
Yes, my angel! (Walks up to Helen)
I don't know quite how to put this...
(The man who was in the pool enters)
MMan
Oi, pillock! I've had enough!
(pointing to the man angrily) YOU are banned for life! Gavin, I thought we'd thrown him out.
MMan
You can't ban me, I'm on a public right of way!
Naaaaaaaahhh. (Points to the man) That's is where you are wrong, squire. Gavin, eject him forthwith!
(Then, Tim comes in, panicking)
I'm panicking! I'm panicking! I'm panicking! I've seen him... The Grim Reaper, we're all gonna die!
(As Tim says "we're all gonna die", the man who was in the pool throws the ring at Brittas who ducks, but the ring hits the rope holding the sign and the sign hits Harry who falls to the ground with blood coming out of his head)
(Horrified) Oh no! I think you've killed him! My husband!
What? (Observes that Harry has died) So, it's finally come to this. (to the man) In a desperate attempt to claim the prize, you've killed the real winner!
(Colin comes out of the staff rest room with a spray bottle in his hand)
With pleasure, Mr Brittas. We're finally going to arrest Mrs. Bidmead, are we?
