Firecracker quotes from The Boys

Firecracker

Welcome to Truthbomb. Our top story tonight's a personal one. It's the story of my hometown church, Holy Baptist of Daytona. It was the church I grew up in. Sang my hymns from the pews there every Sunday. But that church... That church…

Firecracker

[beat] That church... has become a hotbed of Starlighter infestation. And my old pastor, Reverend Greg Dupree, has been infected by Starlight's seditious propaganda. Now... I never told a soul this, but when I was a little girl, the reverend regularly had me over for supper. Alone. [pause; chuckles] No. Nothing ever happened to me, but... [sighs] I heard stories about his "Fish Fry Fridays." And if that ain't code for child groomin', I don't know what is. How much longer are we gonna let these institutional pedo churches diddle our babies? Americans deserve better. They deserve... Homelander. They deserve the Democratic Church of America. [starts crying]

Sister Sage

Do you actually believe all of this? Or is it just bullshit smeared on top of a personal vendetta?

Firecracker

Ain't you a little mouthy one.

Sister Sage

Appreciate the subtextual racism there, but I'm a Supe. Sister Sage. I work with Homelander.

Firecracker

Bullshit. [Sage shows her the selfie she took with Homelander] Goddamn! Is he here?!

Sister Sage

Of course not. He wouldn't be caught dead with these ringworm-infested cousin fuckers. Though there's a chance you could meet him. First, I wanna see your powers though.

Sister Sage

Wow, that is... lackluster.

Firecracker

I'm… strong too, though.

Sister Sage

Look, what's important is… what are you selling?

Firecracker

I'm here to share the truth and nothing but.

Sister Sage

What are you selling?

Firecracker

Did I stutter? [pause; scoffs when Sage is about to leave] Purpose. I sell purpose. These people got nothing. Maybe they lost a job or a house or a kid to Oxy. Politicians don't give a shit. Mainstream media tells them to be ashamed of their skin color, so I bring them together, tell them a story, give them a purpose. Which would you rather believe? That you belong to a community of warriors battling a secret evil, or that you're a lonely, inconsequential nobody that no one will ever remember?

Sister Sage

[chuckles] Deep's Blue Sea Room. 9:00 p.m.

Sage has got no powers, right?

Besides her brains? Nope.

So, why all the sneakin' around shite? Let's just grab her, work her over and rumble what we need.

Hey. This is surveillance only, okay?

Alright, you sit tight and watch me do your job.

Alright, enough.

Get your fuckin' hands off me!

Just go home, alright?

Or what? We have a Barney?! Well, come on, then! Have a go!

Butcher, for fuck's sake.

You've been gaggin' for it. Ever since Soldier Boy. Ten pounds of C4 with an inch fuse pokin' out your arse, you are! Well, c'mon, then! Have at it, son!

'Cause that's the only way you feel any regret, is to get it beaten into you.

You're a shit skipper, you are. Hughie's fucked off, Kimiko's hammered. We've been here for hours and still know fuck all! You're gonna get this bloody lot killed. You can't eat, you can't sleep, and you ain't willin' to do what it takes to run this mob 'cause you ain't got the bollocks, son.

Nice try, Butcher. But it ain't gonna work.

Yeah, ain't that what your wife said?

All that bullshit you pulled, and the mess you always leave behind for me to clean up. You know why I kept coming back? 'Cause I thought maybe this time, it'll be a little different. All the fucking shit we've been through together, man. I thought maybe this time, maybe you and I could just… just be fucking brothers again! [pause] Just go home, man.

Firecracker

Did you know that these “vaccines” that they’re giving out at the Starlight House actually cause autism? And–And not that cool Rain Man autism that makes you good at countin' cards and shit.

Homelander

That's her?

Sister Sage

Yeah.

Homelander

Really?

Sister Sage

Mm-hmm.

Homelander

Seems like she fell off her jet ski one too many times.

Sister Sage

Now that Starlight’s back leading the Starlighters, we need her.

Homelander

That is gonna shut them up?

Sister Sage

No, she’s gonna make them louder. Are you gonna trust me or not?

Homelander

Is there a problem? ‘Cause this is a huge day for you, but you seem to have something firmly lodged up your asshole.

Sister Sage

This spandex is. Up my ass and in a camel toe. The whole point was for me to stay behind the scenes.

Sister Sage

You are clearly punishing me for openly disagreeing with you, which you said you could handle, but clearly you can’t.

Homelander

Do you really think I’d be that petty?

Sister Sage

Yes, I do. I mean, did it occur to you that it is harder to stage a fucking coup with a million eyes on me?

Homelander

Popularity is power, Sister.

Sister Sage

It’s a prison.

Homelander

Listen, it’s gonna be great, okay? You’re a member of The Seven now. You’re a superhero. Act like it. [to the male members of The Seven] Hey, how about a photo with the new girl, guys?

The Deep

Yeah, get in here. Front and center.

Homelander

Get in there. Make a sandwich out of her.

This is fucking insane. You can’t actually mean this.

Firecracker

I’m sorry, who let you in?

Bedroom window. This used to be my place. [sighs] Yeah, I gotta say, I really hate what you’ve done with it.

Firecracker

You know, when I said, “Debate me,” this wasn’t what I had in mind.

Why me? What have I done to make you hate me so much?

Firecracker

…You really don’t remember me, do you? Of course. I mean, why would you? We were only on the same pageant circuit together for three fuckin’ years. Course I was going by “Sparkler” back in those days.

Sparkler. Yeah, right. You sang that “God Bless America” medley.

Firecracker

[scoffs] I practiced that routine so fuckin’ hard. Never mind we were too poor to have a backyard to practice in, but… I’d dream that one day, I’d get good enough to win. [pause] Miami-Dade. Down to you and me, the finals. And my mom starts doing my makeup, and I notice that everyone is… snickering at me. You remember why? Turns out you told everyone that I had an ass-fuck gangbang with the judges, which was the only way trash like me could ever make it to the final. I was thirteen years old. And when I went to you to ask you why… you remember what you said?

Look, I was immature and stupid, and my mom taught me to be ruthless.

Firecracker

Do you remember what you said?

I said that… [sighs] "I don’t talk to fat sluts."

Firecracker

And then, not long after that, I had to quit the pageant circuit, ’cause… Well, a rumor like that, it really follows you around. And the more you deny it, the more they believe it.

I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. It was so fucked up, and it was so wrong. I was jealous, but I’m not that person anymore.

Firecracker

People don’t change. And everybody thinks that you’re so decent. So pretty and perfect. Hell, you fuckin' think you’re better than everybody else.

That’s not true.

Firecracker

You’re damn fuckin' right it’s not. All that dove, pure angel bullshit? No, I see the connivin' little mean girl bitch in there. And when I’m done, the rest of the world’s gonna see it, too.

M, I got a favour to ask.

You think you’re in a position to ask for a favor?

If I can’t get the job done before I, uh…

I need you to get Ryan away from Homelander.

Oh, Butcher.

I gotta be realistic. Some days I can barely even fuckin' stand. Get him outta there. Raise him.

Raise him?

You’re the best dad I know, M. The best fuckin' anyone.

That might be one of the nicest things you’ve ever said to me... but what if Ryan doesn’t wanna go?

Then you’ve gotta make him.

White trash walking.

[claps; to Firecracker] Top-notch show, love. Just weren’t sure whether you wanted us to kneel before your cross or burn it.

Firecracker

…Oh, you’re those motherfuckers that killed my friend.

Yeah, cryin' shame, that. But if it’s any consolation, he’s up there with God, noshin' on his holiest of holies as we speak.

Firecracker

I’m gonna shut your fuckin' face–

Alright, alright. Keep your hair on, love. We just want a little chin wag’s all.

Firecracker

Talk American.

Right. You remember that magical summer when you was 28, workin' as a counselor at the Capes for Christ Bible Camp in Davie, Florida, and you met that lovely fifteen-year-old boy who tickled your fancy, and… Well then, tickled more than that, didn’t he? Hmm? Ring any bells? [shows a tweet about Firecracker's arrest on his cell phone] Here’s a little keepsake snapped by the Broward County Sheriff’s Department that you can stash in your wank bank. You and your little Bieber edgin' in the back of your RAV4 in the car park of Buca di Beppo.

Whatever voodoo Vought’s lawyers pulled to get your statutory charges dropped, I don’t think they’re gonna matter too much to your evangelical audience back there.

You’re gonna tell us everything you know about Sage and her grand plan, [points at his cell phone] or I hit this little tweet button here. [smirks]

Firecracker

[beat] How about I just send it myself? [presses the phone's "Send" icon, to Butcher and M.M's shock] Fuck around and find out.

"Starlight", that's 9 letters! Or is that 6 upside down?! "Annie January", 12 letters! That's two more sixes! 666! What more proof could you possibly need?!

Firecracker

I’m sorry, I gotta interrupt. I’m so sorry. I need–I need to make a confession.

A confession?

Firecracker

I need to confess my sins. [Ezekiel nods and hands her the mike] Ain’t no way to sugarcoat this. I had… inappropriate relations with a sweet young man. [exhales] Damn, that smile. But that young man, he was fifteen years old…

Oh…

Firecracker

…but the moment of my greatest weakness was also the moment that pushed me to my eternal salvation. I was born again, and my sins were washed away by the tears of His love!

Praise the Lord! Praise the Lord!

Firecracker

Now, I–I believe that our Lord Jesus Christ put that young man in my life to lead me to the path of righteousness.

[rolls her eyes] Oh, my God.

Firecracker

You gotta choose to turn into the light of His love. And that’s what Starlight, she just didn’t do. Y’all ever hear that story about her very first save? She was only thirteen years old, and well, a gunman came into Walmart and took hostages. Well, Starlight, she came in a’blastin'. But what they don’t tell you is that she blinded one of those hostages that day. A mother of three, just trying to buy Crunch Berries for her kids. But Starlight, she just went on, smilin' for those cameras like none of it ever happened. Starlight’s no hero. She never was.

Firecracker

[on TV] Now, y’all heard a lot tonight about who Starlight really is. But you still haven’t seen the true monster behind the mask. And the truth… Oh, it is so much worse than you could ever imagine. Six months ago, Starlight visited a clinic. She wasn’t going for a checkup.

What the fuck?

Firecracker

[on TV] She found out that she was pregnant, and she had an abortion.

Are those my fucking medical records?

Firecracker

[on TV] She was raised a Christian. She knew the difference between right and wrong. She knew exactly what she was doin'! So you won’t tell me that those teens over there, that they’re safe with her! With that baby killer?!

Annie, wait!

Firecracker

She could have given it up for adoption! But no, she murdered it!

Firecracker

So you finally came to deb–

Sister Sage

How’s that for “uppity,” cracker?

Stop. Look.

Sister Sage

First pebble down the mountain.

Homelander

Where were you last night?

Firecracker

Starlight was at the mansion.

Homelander

What?

Firecracker

I chased her outside, but the bitch got away.

Homelander

She did?

Firecracker

Tek Knight’s dead. Probably Starlight and her friends did it. [Homelander scoffs] How do you think they knew about the party?

Homelander

Cameron Coleman wasn’t the leak.

Firecracker

So either Sage was lyin’ to you, or she’s as useless as tits on a mouse. I mean, fuck. I heard about her performance last night, sir. I just want you to know that I would–

Homelander

So… You’re the one who let Starlight get away. So how do I know that you’re not the leak?

Firecracker

When you found me… my podcast had… I dunno, a couple hundred fans. [chuckles] You know, folks laughed. Now, I’m the fucking anchor at VNN with millions of followers. And they ain’t laughin’ no more.

Homelander

I really don’t care–

Firecracker

Please, just let me finish! Now, I have spent… my whole life on the outside, lookin' in. It was you… who threw that door open for me, sir. You brought me in. God, you have given me… everything. You… are everything to me.

Homelander

Uh… What are you doing? I am not sexually attracted to you.

Firecracker

No, this ain’t about sex. No, this? This is about loyalty.

Homelander

But you’re not pregnant.

Firecracker

There’s a… long regimen of drugs a person can take to make it happen. It enlarges the heart just a tiny little bit.

Homelander

You did this for me?

Firecracker

I’d do anything for you. Anything.

Homelander

Sage… who’s the leak?

Sister Sage

We’re making inquiries. It’s a process, we’re eliminating–

Homelander

[smashes listening device with his fist] I assume you know what that is.

Sister Sage

It’s a bug.

Homelander

Specifically William Butcher’s bug. They probably heard every single word we said at Tek Knight’s. And likely killed him.

Sister Sage

They won’t go public with the information.

Homelander

And why not?

Sister Sage

Because it would short-circuit everything they really want, which is to quietly take out Neuman once and for all.

Homelander

[groans] We should slaughter Butcher and his whole fucking team.

Firecracker

Now that is a great idea, sir.

Sister Sage

Butcher will be dead in a few months anyway. And this close to go-time, I wouldn’t stir up shit with the CIA.

Homelander

Yes, yes, yes. Your illustrious fucking plan. We killed Cameron Coleman for no reason.

Sister Sage

A speed bump, but ultimately harmless.

Firecracker

Cameron golfed with Mike Lindell, who just pulled fifty million bucks worth of pillow commercials. You call that harmless?

Sister Sage

Oh, look at Daisy Duck Dynasty doing math.

Homelander

You know, Firecracker and I have been talking.

Sister Sage

Stimulating, I’m sure. [pause; Homelander glares at her] Sorry.

Homelander

You have brains, Sage, but I have wisdom. And what happens if those brains of yours get blown out again, leaving you talking like a gibbering idiot? [pause] Firecracker and I will find the leak.

Sister Sage

With respect, the last time–

Firecracker

Respect? I don’t hear no fuckin' respect. In fact, I am personally offended by the way you are talking to this great man!

Homelander

You just focus on the shooter, make sure he’s good to go on the 6th.

Sister Sage

He’ll be ready.

Homelander

Good. You may leave.

Firecracker

Homelander… Are you alright?

Homelander

[tearfully] A-Train?

Firecracker

I’m so…

Homelander

How could he do this to me?

Firecracker

I’m so sorry. You know, some folks are just… Well, they’re born uppity.

Homelander

Where is he?

Firecracker

He cut out his tracking chip. And his family’s gone, too.

Homelander

…Of course.

Sister Sage

You sent Deep and Noir after Butcher? We talked about this.

Homelander

Smartest person in the world, and you didn’t know A-Train was the leak?

Sister Sage

…I knew.

Homelander

[pause] You knew.

Firecracker

And you let us kill Webweaver for nothing.

Sister Sage

Oh, shit. You killed Webweaver? Did you think he was the leak? He was a junkie who’d confess to nailing Christ on the cross if it got him home for his next fix.

Homelander

[sighs] I was very clear. No more secrets.

Sister Sage

But A-Train only leaked exactly the information I wanted Butcher and his team to know. He was the perfect misinformation delivery system. Until now. This was all part of the plan.

Homelander

Mm-hmm. Okay. Get the fuck out of here. You’re done. Go back to your little litter box in Detroit and die alone.

Sister Sage

[stammers] You promised. You promised me you would listen to me.

Homelander

You’re lucky I’m not sending you home in a bucket. [beat] Go.

Sister Sage

Fine. [looks at Firecracker] Surround yourself with people like her. Then, you can systematically eliminate anyone who gets in your way. But there’s one person you will never, ever defeat. Good luck without me.

Firecracker

Welcome to the show, folks. We got a real happy surprise for y’all today. Homelander and Vice President-elect, Victoria Neuman. Bless both your hearts for bein' here.

I’m more than happy to find time for my friend, Homelander.

Firecracker

Yeah, let’s cut the BS. Dakota Bob says he’s gonna pass nutbag anti-Supe laws in his first hundred days.

As his VP…

…staunch ally of the super-abled community, I really think that it’s important to…

Homelander

[laughs] Ally, Victoria? Really? We’re here to tell the truth. So just… tell the truth.

The truth is that the real issue here is lack of representation. And I wanna make sure that you–

Homelander

Fine, you don’t wanna do it? I’ll do it. Victoria here is a superhero.

[chuckles] Thanks for the compliment. But, like, I think the truth is we all wanna be heroes. But I’m not literally a su–

Ashley

[gasps] Oh, fuck!

Firecracker

It’s all true. Ms. Neuman here has been operating as a secret dagger in the heart of the deep state, standing up to the forces of darkness that wanna sodomize our democracy and our toddlers. But it is time for the great awakening. Where we go one, we go Vought, y’all. We’re gonna take a quick break…

Cunt’s out of the bag, innit? Now it gets interesting.

[to Homelander] Hey! Hey, I worked my whole life to keep that secret!

Homelander

Well, secrets rot your soul. You’re unburdened. You should thank me.

Sage said–

Homelander

Fuck Sage. She’s long gone. Listen to me. Listen to me. We are gonna change the world, Vicky. For our kids and their kids. The first super-abled President. And you’re a gal.

I’ll be impeached.

Homelander

Why would we care?

Because I have to get re-elected in four years.

Homelander

Says who?

Article Two of the Constitution.

Homelander

New world, new rules. Now, shut the fuck up and listen! Our fates are connected now. Singer’s as good as dead, and I am the only fucking friend you’ve got left! The train has left the station, gorgeous. And you’re on it.

You’ll have to arrest half your company! Half the country!

Homelander

[pause] What, you think I didn’t think of that? Of course I thought of that!

Fuck!

Homelander

Ashley, on me now.

Ashley

Um, the response on socials has been mixed.

Homelander

I need you to make a list of anyone within the company that has damaging information on me or The Seven… but mostly me. Anyone with any fucking leverage whatsoever.

Ashley

Yes.

Homelander

I need this fucking list yesterday.

Ashley

Yes, sir.

Homelander

You're a good girl.

Calhoun

And that is why, as my first official act, under Article One, Section Nine of the Constitution, I’m declaring martial law and deputizing hundreds of superheroes nationwide, who will report directly to Homelander himself. To keep–

Homelander

Thank you, Mr. President. [clears throat] Victoria Neuman. She was a great American, and a dear, dear friend. Murdered, in cold blood, by deep state Starlighters embedded in our own government. Now that we have full legal authority, a veritable army of superheroes will be called upon to rout these traitors from our government and from our streets. America will be safe again. And to the Starlighters: Whatever rock you're hiding under, we're coming for you. I'm coming for you. Because today, a new age of superheroes begins.

Firecracker

We wake up to a new world. Where hope, purity and Jesus' love shine down upon us all. Where children can sleep peacefully in their mothers' arms, knowing Starlight's pedo agenda has been thwarted! Where America finally sees the woke mob for what it is: Monsters who want to destroy our heritage, traffic our children, and feminize our men! Where, with Homelander's guidance… [wipes away tears] we will all come together in unity. We will make America strong again. Proud again. And most of all, we will make America super again.

Firecracker

It's an honor to have a great American like yourself on the show. I guess it runs in the family, huh? Homelander's father… Dang.

[looks at the gun at Firecracker's hip] Glock, huh? Never saw the appeal in foreign-made guns.

Firecracker

Well, this ain't your granddaddy's Glock. This here's a 9mm Gen 5, seven-round capacity with a crisp fuckin' break.

Well, mine's a much longer barrel. [takes out his pistol] Battle-proven, all-American Colt 1911 chambered in .45 ACP. [cocks pistol] That'll blow your fuckin' panties off. Now, that little Glock–That's good for a late-night Harlem stroll, but uh, this here? That's a certified Kraut killer.

Firecracker

I think you mean an antique.

I mean a classic. You wanna give it a try? [Firecracker examines the pistol] Now, some can't handle the kick, but something tells me you'll do just fine.

Whew. Well, I gotta hand it to you. I haven't fuckеd that hard since... since I railed Shari Lewis on the balcony of Studio 54.

Firecracker

I ain't got no idea who that is.

Well... Hey, why the hairless pussy?

Firecracker

[gives Soldier Boy a disgusted look] What?

I mean, what's the point of going down there if you're not gonna get a fat face full of fur? Is that how Homelander likes you? Like a baby?

Firecracker

[sighs] More like a mother.

But you two have fuckеd, right?

Firecracker

[shakes her head] Mm-mm.

Damn. I gotta admit, I was kinda just doing this as petty revenge against the freak.

Firecracker

That's terrible. Who would do such a thing? And you shouldn't say that about your son.

Ah, he thinks he's better than me.

Firecracker

He doesn't.

How do you know?

Firecracker

I don't know much, but I can read people. And the way he looks at you? Shoot. I ain't never seen him look at nobody like that.

Uh, that's not exactly a compliment, doll. He is the strangest mοthеrfuckеr I've ever known, and I've had a threesome with Gary Busey.

Homelander

I need you for something.

Firecracker

You do?

Homelander

I have received the most wonderful message. I was visited... by an angel. And she foretold my destiny.

Firecracker

Wow. Well, praise be. And what is it?

Homelander

God.

Firecracker

Sir, that is wonderful. There is no higher calling than servin' the Lord.

Homelander

Oh, no. Not serving the Lord. Being the Lord. I am the Messiah. I'm the savior of the world.

Firecracker

The... Messiah?

Homelander

Yes.

Firecracker

Um... Congrats.

Homelander

Thank you. [pause; Firecracker giggles nervously] I always knew I was special. I knew it. I suffered. I suffered so many hardships, and I... I couldn't understand why, but you... You... You always saw it, didn't you? You knew all along I was special. That is why I have chosen you to spread the word of my coming.

Firecracker

How?

Homelander

Well, we control the most powerful media apparatus on Earth. Jesus would kill for our marketing. What do you say?

Firecracker

...Well, you know I would do anything for you, sir.

Firecracker

Next up is a $500 million ad blitz with OOH, e-blasts, print and digital. Ain’t nobody won’t know about the Democratic Church of America… and its chosen prophet.

Homelander

[sighs] Prophets are servants.

Firecracker

Of course, sir. Great point. We’re just trying to ease people into it.

Homelander

No, no, no. We need to prepare America for my ascension. We must be honest. We must be direct. I like “savior.” Or–Or…

Oh Father

Lord. Yes, I couldn’t agree more, sir. Religion is not about being meek. We should dominate the seven mountains of society, bring the Kingdom of Heaven to Earth! Amen!

Homelander

Amen.

Firecracker

Amen! I love all that!

The Deep

So fucking dope.

Oh Father

Easter is just around the corner. How perfect would it be for your second coming to come on the day of Jesus' resurrection?

Homelander

Mmm… Second coming? Let's be clear: I am not the son of God.

Oh Father

Well, of course. Many people believe that Jesus is both God incarnate and the son.

Homelander

Well, that's just confusing. I don't want my church getting involved in all... that.

Firecracker

Exactly. Besides, if we pull up our timeline, you won't have… [picks up a bag with a large book inside] this.

Oh Father

We're gonna drag our feet because of a book?

Firecracker

Not a book. The book. The Homelander Bible.

Homelander

[pause; lifts the book with his hands] Heavy.

[quietly] What the fuck?

Firecracker

It's got the Old Testament, the New Testament, and the brand new American Testament, written by A.I. trained on the works of Pat Robertson. See, we need to pass the torch, sir. From Jesus to you. Sir, we don't get more than one chance at a first impression. Are we really gonna rush something this important? We ain't Arby's, after all.

Homelander

No.

Firecracker

We're the Cheesecake Factory.

Homelander

[sighs deeply] Okay. We'll do it your way.

Firecracker

Thank you.

Sister Sage

You do realize this kind of sudden religious upheaval is likely to generate widespread civil unrest?

Firecracker

Local law should be able to handle the suburbs, but we could use extra hands in major metros.

Homelander

Oh, let's recall all Supes stationed overseas. American heroes should be protecting America, not Who-Gives-A-Fuckistan.