Soldier Boy quotes from The Boys

I'm fucking with you. Get over yourself. You really think my grandmother's gonna let me marry the whitest girl in all of white?

You're that asshole from the lab.

That's right. I'm the arsehole that let you out. Russian Porta-Loos, eh? You want the Countess' head on a spike, don't ya? Well, she's in there. Yours for the takin'. Consider it a gesture of good faith.

Good faith for what?

[pause] I was thinkin' that you and I could come to a little arrangement. What you lot call… a team-up.

Ben? Is that really you? You look so young.

You don't.

I'm so, so sorry. It wasn't my idea. God, you gotta believe me. I–I...

How much did the Russians pay you? Hmm?

They didn't.

What? They didn't pay you anything? [pause] I loved you. All those years... that they burned me… and that they pumped me full of poison, I held onto the hope that you would come. That you would save me. Because I still loved you.

I didn't love you. I hated you. We all did.

Where's the Chop Socky Oriental sauce?

Hughie

They don't… have that anymore?

Why the fuck not?

Hughie

Many… many good reasons.

Did you get the other shit?

Here you go, guv.

Oh… Man, I missed bennies. It's how we won D-Day, you know? We were wired to the fucking gills.

[as Soldier Boy crushes the pills with a jack knife] Listen, let's have a little chat about this team-up, yeah?

What the hell do I need a team for? The last one handed me to the Reds.

And we got you outta that pickle. We wrapped up Crimson Countess and delivered her like a fuckin' Christmas turkey, and I even sorted Gunpowder for ya.

What, am I supposed to be impressed with that? That's like killing Emmanuel Lewis. [laughs; snorts the crushed-up pills]

Yeah, well, he grew up a bit since you last saw him.

[to Hughie, who is staring at his shield] Hands off the fucking shield.

Anyway, you want payback on Payback, don't ya? Well, it just so happens that we are experts at exterminatin' shitbag Supes. You see, it's a whole different world out there now, son. We're here to help you find your way.

Well, I can find them on my own.

Hughie

Are you sure? I mean, do you know what a GPS is? Or Bluetooth, or… [chuckles] the internet?

… [smirks] You made those words up.

Hughie

Nope. No, those are real words. And–And you need those to find them, alright? You need us.

Kid's right. All we ask in return is that you add one more name to the list.

Who?

A right cunt named Homelander.

I've seen pictures. Who is he?

He's the new you.

No one's the new me, pal. [pause] But why him?

Let's just say, you're not the only one who wants payback.

Alright. You help me find the rest of my team, and I'll help you with this Homelander.

Do men really walk around like that?

Hughie

Yeah. I mean, dads do.

Okay, well... Bill Cosby is America's dad, and I'll tell you one thing: He wouldn't be caught dead in that pussy gear.

Hughie

Lot to unpack there. Uh...

The Cos... That's a real man. Holy shit, did he make some strong drinks.

Hughie

[whispering quickly] Holy fucking shit.

But seriously, what passes as a man today? Christ on a cross. I read that we were ass-up in Afghanistan. The fuck is up with that? Those were the good guys. I mean, when I left, it was…

Hughie

Yeah, you know–

I mean, goddammit. We–We were ten and one, you know? I lead the 116th onto Omaha Beach. I was in the fuckin' Eagle's Nest! I fought for this country! I fought for this country, and what did I get for it? Forgotten. Left to rot by my own team. [beat; chuckles] You know, I wanted some rugrats of my own with Countess. Yeah, ain't that a bitch. You know, a couple little boys. Raise them up to be men. Now… Now I got nothing.

Hughie

Oh, okay. So, this–this is an actual orgy. That's what this is.

Fuckin' Herogasm. Still a thing, eh?

It's my thing. I founded it in '52. Me and this other Supe, Liberty. Man, was she a firecracker.

Frenchie's gonna be real heartbroken he missed this.

Homelander

William Butcher and Soldier Boy. Of course. You are behind this. This whole thing… it really is all about me. William, we made a deal to fight to the death. You and me. This is cheating. Deal's off.

Homelander

[to Soldier Boy] You were my hero growing up. I watched all your movies hundreds of times. You were the only one that was nearly as strong as me.

Buddy, you think you look strong? You're wearing a cape. You're just a cheap fuckin' knockoff.

Homelander

Oh, no, no, no… I'm the upgrade.

Hughie

Butcher, wake up! Wake up!

Fucking freak slipped away. He's gonna pick us off…

Hughie

Butcher, wake up.

…one by one.

Hughie

Come on, wake up, Butcher. Butcher! Wake up!

No, you're wasting your time. He's gone.

Hughie

What did Mindstorm do?

Well, if it's his usual MO, trapped him in an endless nightmare until he dies of terminal dehydration.

Hughie

No, there's gotta be a way we can wake him up.

Mindstorm put him into this. He can snap him out.

Hughie

Okay, great. Great.

But he's about to be dead.

Hughie

Wait. Wait, just hang on. If we–If we grab Mindstorm, we make him help Butcher…

No way.

Hughie

…and then–and then you can kill him. Then, you can go to town on him, man! I don't give a fuck!

Hey! If you're gonna act hysterical, I'm gonna slap you like I'm Connery. Now, unless you wanna end up like your friend there, it ain't worth the risk. Look, chin up, okay? Deal's a deal. You help me finish this, I'll kill Homelander. Butcher would've given up his life for that in a heartbeat. [pause; Hughie looks down at Butcher] So, we doing this or not?

Leave it. We gotta move fast. [pause] Ah… Do you hear that?

Hughie

Uh... You might wanna lay off the weed, huh?

And you might wanna gargle my ballsack.

Still can't believe this shit is legal. I locked up so many assholes for it back in the day. [beat] What the fuck did you say?

Hughie

Literally nothing.

Jesus. How hard?

Hughie

What?

How hard did Butcher suck your dick that you miss him that much? His mouth must feel like a Hoover Deluxe.

Hughie

God, every single thing you say is so gross. He saved me, okay? More than once. So I owe him.

Oh, bullshit. You're on a mission. You get the job done, okay? I stormed Normandy. I fought the Nazis. You wanna know what I do when I'm sad or scared? Fucking nothing. 'Cause I'm not a fucking pussy.

Hughie

[pause; chuckles] You didn't storm shit. Your whole Marlboro Man act? It's fucking crap, and I–

I warned you.

Son, are–are you a superhero?

Yes, Father. You folks need some help?

Yes. Yes, please.

Okay, well, it's not safe. There's a fugitive in the area. You should get out of here before you get hurt.

Uh, well, we can't. I don't suppose either of you know engines?

I'll have a look.

Oh, I'd appreciate that very much.

Hughie

Uh, so, where you guys headed?

We're just on our way to a Samaritan's Embrace retreat over there in Danville.

Hughie

Oh! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! What the fuck?!

This is Mindstorm's MO; he brainwashed them. That priest was gonna shank us, and she will, too.

Hughie

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

[kneels down over the priest's dead body] Father Wallace, no!

Hughie

Hey! Hey, she doesn't look brainwashed to me.

Take my word for it. Everyone's coming for us. Everyone, every day.

Hughie

Whoa! No, no, no! You have PTSD! You have PTSD, and you are super fucking stoned, alright?! Maybe this isn't what you think it is!

Move! Move!

Hughie

She's a human being! A nun! And if there's one thing I know–

[tackles Hughie from behind and bites him] DIE, YOU FUCKING COCKSUCKERS!

Hughie

Oh, my God! Do something!

If you stay still, I…

Hughie

Fuck you! Get her off me!

Hughie

OH! FUCK! ME! NO! Hard pass on this Exorcist shit!

[looks down at the dead nun and priest] What's black and white and red all over? [pause] Okay, first off, I don't have shellshock. Fuck you. Second, this is what I'm talking about. This is being a soldier!

Homelander

[to Ashley on the phone] Obviously, I didn't realize the little bitch was recording me, did I? [pause] No, no! Ashley, I don't fucking care! You're the spin doctor, go fucking spin it! [hears phone line beeping; to operator] What?!

Sir, I apologize for disturbing you… but you have a call. He says he's… Well, he's claiming to be Soldier Boy.

Homelander

[stammers] Put him through.

Homelander

[to Soldier Boy] This really you?

The situation's changed. I thought we should have a conversation.

Homelander

I don't know who the fuck you think you are, but you got lucky once because you fucking ambushed me.

Fall 1980, I get called into Vogelbaum's lab for an experiment. Some shit about genetics. I still remember the Penthouse I used: June. Danielle Deneux, bush like a Pomeranian.

Homelander

What?

I beat my meat into a cup. Turns out… Vogelbaum made a kid. Born in spring 1981: A boy. You know what the bitch of it is? If they'd have just kept me around, I'd have let you take the spotlight. What father wouldn't want that for his son?

[sniffs whiskey] Whoa. That brings me back. Used to sneak my dad's Manhattans when I was a kid.

I didn't have to nick nothin' from my old man. He used to get me and me little brother lagered just for the hell of it.

Well, I gotta admit, that does sound funny. The old man still around?

Arse cancer. [pause; sees Mallory calling him and shuts his phone off] Shittin' his guts out as we speak, one hopes.

You ever see The Soldier Boy Story?

Must've missed it.

It's a classic. We lost Best Picture to An American in Paris that year. At least I got to ass-fuck Jane Wyman in the coat check. It's about a poor kid from the streets of South Philly, discovers he's got incredible powers to match his heart of gold. It was all bullshit.

[sarcastically] Blimey, you don't say.

Actually, my father owned half the steel mills in the state. I went to boarding school. Got kicked out of boarding school because I was a fuck-up… but he made sure I knew it.

Used the belt, did he?

Never laid a hand on me. He couldn't be bothered. He said I was a disappointment. Not good enough to carry his name. So I went to his golf buddies in the War Department, and they got me into Dr. Vought's Compound V trials. I became a superhero. Strongest man alive, fuckin' ticker-tape parades when I came home.

And what did the old man say then?

Ah… he said I took a shortcut. [pause] That a real man wouldn't have cheated. [beat; clears throat] How 'bout you? You got kids?

It's complicated.

I always assumed I had a few out there… somewhere. I always wanted 'em, 'cause I thought I could do it better than my father did.

Homelander ain't yours. Not really.

He's the only blood I've got left.

It don't matter. You didn't name him, didn't raise him. Vought grew him in a fuckin' test tube to take your place. He's the fuckin' reason they left you to rot with the Ivans. Look, mate… we had a deal.

I'm gonna get some air.

Homelander

Scorched earth, eh, William?

Scorched earth.

Where's Noir?

Homelander

[pause] He's dead. I killed him.

Why?

Homelander

Because he didn't tell me about you. I'm alone. I just wanna talk. I know what it's like to have your team betray you. But with you and I together… they wouldn't stand a chance. Nobody would.

Unless we kill each other first.

Homelander

That's true, but why? What, because he says so? [chuckling] He's nothing. He's a human.

[to Soldier Boy] Don't you listen to this fuckin' twat. He ain't your kid.

Homelander

YES, I AM! I AM YOUR SON! I am your blood. That's all that matters.

Maybe.

Ryan…

Homelander

[to Soldier Boy] This is my son, Ryan. Your grandson.

Ryan

Hi, Grandpa.

Homelander

You see? You have a family. You have him… [tearfully] and you have me.

[pause] It's a shame that I've missed… so much. I wish I could've raised you and taught you, father to son.

Homelander

Me, too. That's okay. We're not alone anymore. We have each other.

Maybe if I'd raised you, I could've made you better… and not some weak, sniveling pussy starved for attention. But there's no fixing that now.

Homelander

Weak? I'm you.

I know. You're a fucking disappointment.

What the fuck are you doing?

Not the kid.

Oh, I thought you said blood didn't matter. I thought that was the whole fuckin' point!

He's my wife's son.

Wait, Homelander fucked your wife? And you wanna save the brat? The hell's wrong with you?

I made a promise.

So this is it. Everything you wanted–He's right fuckin' there, and now you blink?

Stand down.

Fuck you! You're weaker than he is.

What the fuck?

Homelander

No, no, no, no. It's okay. It's okay, I don't wanna hurt you. You're safe, okay? You've been in deep freeze again.

Oh, Jesus Christ. For how long?

Homelander

Almost two years in a CIA black site. I just found out this morning.

You found out this morning?

Homelander

Yeah.

But that just happens to be in your room? [pause] Did you fuck me?

Homelander

[legitimately confused] What?

Is this some kind of incest thing?

Homelander

No!

Then, what the fuck is this?

Homelander

[stammers] Look, I... I want you to find William Butcher.

Find him yourself.

Homelander

Well, the people that work for me are limited. And you are the best tracker there is. I just–I need you to find him and report back. Very simple.

You want me… to work for you?

Homelander

Well, why don't we say "work with me"? And... I can help you. I can give you a proper comeback.

I don't need you for that.

Homelander

Well, the whole world does think that you're a Russian spy, so…

[takes a deep breath] Okay. Alright, listen to me. I'm no ass-felching Commie. You got that?!

Homelander

I know, I know. And listen, I am Vought now. Me. So, the public, they're gonna believe that you are whatever I tell them you are. I can resurrect you. I can give you back what you lost. I can even make you number two in The Seven.

Number two? [Homelander nods] Or how about I finish the job, and blast you to Kingdom Fuck.

Homelander

Yeah, you could try. Who knows, you might even fry the V right out of my blood. Or you might not. But I'm betting that you hate William Butcher more than you hate... me. After all, I'm–I'm not the one that betrayed you, am I?

I tried to kill you. The minute I turn my back, how do I know you won't return the favor?

Homelander

Look...

Homelander

You find William Butcher for me… all is forgiven.

[beat; looks at the shield] Looks like a fuckin' kindergarten ashtray.

Homelander

Soldier Boy, [points at Calhoun and Ashley] this is the President, Vice President of the United States of America. They work for me. Everyone, Soldier Boy is gonna be number two in The Seven once he has located William Butcher and Annie January.

The Deep

What? Wait–Wait, what, sir? No, sir. I... I can do this. I can bring them in.

Homelander

Oh, like you did with A-Train? We're going in a new direction, Deep. Competence. [to Calhoun] Oh, and Steve, Soldier Boy's gonna need a full pardon.

Calhoun

Well, sir, he–he was guilty of... you know, treason. [pause; Homelander just glares at him] Consider it done, sir.

Homelander

Terrific. And you know what? I'm sure the man's dying for a drink. Uh, Steve, can you make him a…

Manhattan.

Homelander

Manhattan. Thanks, Steve.

Calhoun

Of course. Can I get you a glass of milk, sir?

Homelander

[sternly] No. Steven… I'll also have a Manhattan.

Goddamn. Since when could Supes teabag the President?

Homelander

Since me.