CalhounAnd that is why, as my first official act, under Article One, Section Nine of the Constitution, I’m declaring martial law and deputizing hundreds of superheroes nationwide, who will report directly to Homelander himself. To keep–
Thank you, Mr. President. [clears throat] Victoria Neuman. She was a great American, and a dear, dear friend. Murdered, in cold blood, by deep state Starlighters embedded in our own government. Now that we have full legal authority, a veritable army of superheroes will be called upon to rout these traitors from our government and from our streets. America will be safe again. And to the Starlighters: Whatever rock you're hiding under, we're coming for you. I'm coming for you. Because today, a new age of superheroes begins.
[The members of the Boys, despite strategically splitting up, are still ruthlessly hunted down and captured by Supes one by one, though Starlight manages to escape and Butcher is still at large]
We wake up to a new world. Where hope, purity and Jesus' love shine down upon us all. Where children can sleep peacefully in their mothers' arms, knowing Starlight's pedo agenda has been thwarted! Where America finally sees the woke mob for what it is: Monsters who want to destroy our heritage, traffic our children, and feminize our men! Where, with Homelander's guidance… [wipes away tears] we will all come together in unity. We will make America strong again. Proud again. And most of all, we will make America super again.
Soldier Boy, [points at Calhoun and Ashley] this is the President, Vice President of the United States of America. They work for me. Everyone, Soldier Boy is gonna be number two in The Seven once he has located William Butcher and Annie January.
What? Wait–Wait, what, sir? No, sir. I... I can do this. I can bring them in.
Oh, like you did with A-Train? We're going in a new direction, Deep. Competence. [to Calhoun] Oh, and Steve, Soldier Boy's gonna need a full pardon.
Calhoun
Well, sir, he–he was guilty of... you know, treason. [pause; Homelander just glares at him] Consider it done, sir.
Terrific. And you know what? I'm sure the man's dying for a drink. Uh, Steve, can you make him a…
Manhattan. Thanks, Steve.
Calhoun
Of course. Can I get you a glass of milk, sir?
[sternly] No. Steven… I'll also have a Manhattan.
Goddamn. Since when could Supes teabag the President?
[A V1-empowered Homelander sits in President Calhoun's chair in the Oval Office. He hears a knock at the door.]
Come in! [in a cheerful tone as Ashley and Calhoun enter] Hello, you two. Isn't it a beautiful day?
Calhoun
[nervously] You're welcome to use this office as long as you need.
I know. Let's get right to it! While Oh Father is hard at work on my divine unveiling, I have a few action items I need you to handle.
Of course. Anything, sir.
The Democratic Church of America is to be the official national religion, based around the one true god: Me.
Calhoun
Great idea.
I want every boundary between church and state dissolved. I want troops sent into every sanctuary city that took in Starlighters. Issue an executive order banning abortion. Also, breastfeeding is now mandatory. Babies need their mothers, not fake milk. Actually, outlaw that, too.
[intensely] Ban nut milk. The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was making you think nuts were milk. [snickers after a short silence]
Calhoun
Those are all, uh, fantastic ideas, sir. Um... I'll run them by Congress–
Calhoun
Sorry?
Disband Congress. It's better for freedom.
Calhoun
Well, sir, I don't really have that authority.
[frowns] Ashley, do me a favor. Read Steven's mind. I wanna know if he's a true believer.
Calhoun
But of... course I am, sir.
Terrific! Then you have nothing to worry about. [gets up and steps over to Ashley] Do it.
[He rips off her wig, and she gasps and covers her face in shame as "Back Ashley" is revealed]
Calhoun
[revolted] What the fuck is that?
?"Back Ashley"
Don't look!
?"Back Ashley"
[stammering in fear] Sir, I–I... Sir, I...
[sighs; steels herself and turns back to Homelander] He's terrified of you, sir. He thinks you're just a tiny bit psychotic.
Steven! [steps towards Calhoun, glaring intensely] Here I am. A living god. [rests his hands on Calhoun's shoulders] Right before your eyes... and still, your faith wavers? [beat; Calhoun is clearly too terrified to answer] It's okay. No, I'm not angry... [clasps his head gently] But I am disappointed.
[He crushes Calhoun's head into a pulp, then wipes the blood off his hands on a sofa. An utterly terrified Ashley stares at Calhoun's body as Homelander sits back down.]
The Boys · 278 quotes
