Butcher quotes from The Boys

Hughie

You interested in a nanny cam? 'Cause we're actually running a special on that. Um, it's a pretty popular bear. There's cameras in the eyes.

Tell me, how many nannies shake their babies?

Hughie

Uh, I'm sorry?

Y'know, a good hard shake. [shakes the bear] Like… Like tryin' to get ketchup out of a bottle. One percent? Less?

Hughie

I–I don't really know.

[puts the bear down] Funny, that. They sell a billion dollars worth of that shit worldwide. Goes to show you, doesn't it? The bollocks people will believe if you get 'em scared enough.

Hughie

Cool. Cool, cool. Um, is there anything I can help you with today, or...?

I'm not gonna piss you about, Hughie. I heard what happened to Robin.

Hughie

I'm–I'm sorry, who are you?

She wasn't in the street. She was one step off the fuckin' curb, and you didn't take the payoff.

Hughie

Yeah. I said, who the hell are you? How do you know that?

Name's Butcher. Billy Butcher. [takes out an FBI badge] Listen, I was thinkin' that, uh, you and me should have a little bit of a chat.

Hughie

You’re a Fed? You don’t sound like a Fed.

What, I can’t immigrate? There’s a giant green slapper with her arse in the harbour that says different.

Hughie

You don’t really look like one either.

No? What do I look like?

Hughie

Like you’re starring in a porn version of The Matrix.

Well, it’s all right there in black and white.

Hughie

Okay, uh, what exactly can I do for you?

No, you got it all wrong, Hughie. It's what I can do for you. You see, you ain't alone, son. Happens a lot more than you think. Supes lose hundreds of people each year to collateral damage.

Hughie

No. C'mon, that would be all over the news. People would be screaming bloody murder.

Yeah, look, there might be the odd mention of it every now and again, like with Robin, but there's a shit sight more that happens that just gets swept right under the rug.

Hughie

...Why?

Ain't it obvious? Movie tickets, merchandising, theme parks, video games. A multi-billion dollar global industry supported by corporate lobbyists and politicians on both sides. But the main reason that you won't hear about it... is because the public don't wanna know about it. See, people love that cozy feeling that Supes give 'em. Some golden cunt to swoop outta the sky and save the day, so you don't gotta do it yourself. But if you knew half the shit they get up to... Ooh. Fuckin' diabolical. But that... is where I come in.

Hughie

Come in to... to do what?

Spank the bastards when they get outta line.

There's fuck-all security to worry about. In fact, they're a bunch of Muppets. [holds up bug] And the metal detector won't pick this up. Right? And what they'll probably do is take you through the security, and then up into the boardroom. Sit down. Be nice, congenial. Then, real polite-like, tell 'em you're gonna take a fake shit. Go into the bog, take the bug out. Peel back the plastic bit to reveal the sticky side. Put the plastic bit in the bog. Flush it. Then, go back into the boardroom, sit down–big smiles–plant the bug underneath the table. Easy-peasy Japanesey. Bob's your uncle. That's that.

Hughie

That's that? That was–That was a lot! That–Hold on, can you just–Can you repeat it again? Just a little bit slower? Because I–

Shh, listen.

Hughie

[deeply exhales] Fuck.

Hughie, calm down, alright? This is like that scene in The Matrix. Now, you could take the fuckin' red pill, right? Spend the rest of your life jackin' off, cryin' into your chai tea green latte, what the fuck. Or you could take the blue pill. Or is it the red pill? Anyway, take the other pill and quit bein' a cunt.

Hughie

Which pill do you want me to take?

Just quit bein' a cunt. That's what I'm sayin'.

Translucent

So who are you? Fucking spy? For who, huh? You’re gonna fucking tell me, or I’m gonna smash your fucking scalp off! Who the fuck are you?!

I’ll tell you who you are: A fuckin’ moron. “Translucent” doesn’t even mean “invisible.” It means “semi-transparent.”

What d'you think, Frenchie?

Frenchie

You just dropped the Moby fucking Dick of problems on my plate. That's what I think, okay? He can re-order the carbon on his skin into metamaterial. It's hard as diamonds. It's nearly impossible to penetrate.

Alright, how 'bout we suffocate him?

Frenchie

Some Dominicans already tried this, way back in '07.

And what happened?

Frenchie

They're all fucking dead. That's what happened.

Alright, then, fuck it. Electrocution. We'll just increase the amps.

Frenchie

You already hit him with enough to drop a water buffalo, and look. Might knock him out. Doesn't seem to kill him, huh? No. We need to pierce the skin somehow.

Well, how the hell are we gonna do that?

Frenchie

I don't know.

Hughie

You're gonna kill him?

[pause; turns and stares at Hughie] We didn't bring him here for a fuckin' Happy Meal.

Hughie

I don't–I thought we'd question him or something. I don't know, you get a–you get a hold of someone this big–

At Gitmo, we had to waterboard Khalid Sheikh Mohammed 183 times over six months to get him to talk just once. Now, we ain't got six months. I doubt we've even got six hours.

Hughie

There are so many crazy things about what you just said. But right now, you're talking about randomly killing one of the most famous men on the planet. A goddamn national treasure. I mean… people tend to notice that kinda thing.

And if we let him go, what do you think The Seven will do to us? Hmm? You can't get A-Train if you're a greasy smear on the pavement.

Hughie

I'm not a murderer.

That's alright. I am.

Translucent

What the…? Something doesn't feel right.

Oh, I'll bet.

Frenchie

I'm not ashamed to admit I have outdone myself. [to Translucent] Now, the problem is the skin, no? It's hard like diamonds. But then I realized, it is just your shell that is hard, huh? Like a turtle. But your insides, they're like the rest of ours: Soft. So, how do you get to the squishy insides? Through the mouth? Non. The stomach acid, the gag reflex… if I stick something down your throat, you may vomit it up. There's truly only one way.

Translucent

The fuck did you do to me?

He stuck a lump of plastique up your bum, son.

Frenchie

Ass bomb.

Frenchie

Oh, no…

Motherfucker!

Hughie

Butcher, who is this guy?!

You'll give the game away!

Not until this frog gets what's coming.

Frenchie

The only thing that is coming is me on your mother's titties!

Let me throw it at him, bitch!

Hey!

We had an agreement about him.

We agreed to put a pin in it, alright?

Frenchie

What agreement?!

There was no pin! I don't trust this French whore!

Frenchie

I am more American than you, you racist piece of shit!

Hughie

Why are they fighting?!

Nothing! It is water under the bridge!

[to Frenchie] You tell that to Mallory's grandkids. Tell them it's water under the bridge.

Frenchie

That wasn't my fault.

Hughie

Who is Mallory?

Alright, the both of you, knock it on the head, now!

…Shit! [answers phone] Hey, Monique. How you doin', baby? Ooh, I forgot to marinade the tilapia. I am so sorry, sweetheart. [pause] Okay, how 'bout this? How about on my way home from work, I stop by DeLuca's, pick up two fat tenderloins, some portobello mushrooms, that pinot that you love so much. Yeah, baby. Okay, I–I gotta go. Alright, sweetheart. Yeah. Me, too. …Baby, I just–Uh, you're right. You're right. I love you, too. Okay. Bye.

Fuck all of ya'll, okay?

Alright, alright. [to M.M. and Frenchie] Listen, you two knobbers kiss and make up, yeah? We got a fuckin' job to do.

Who's this guy?

The new lad, Hughie. Hughie, Mother's Milk.

Hughie

That's a… nickname?

[sarcastically] No, my mother actually named me "Mother's Milk".

Hughie

Did–Did she?

So we got a French whore and a Stephen fucking Hawking. Great job, Butcher.

Well, it was Stephen fuckin' Hawking who dusted the Supe.

Remind me, what was our deal?

What?

What was our fuckin' deal?

Go to hell. I already told you, A-Train runs the Compound…

Yeah, runs the Compound V to the noodle shop up on Division. We've been up on it all week and we ain't seen fuck all.

Well, wherever he's going, it's around there. Because every time he leaves with the V, he comes back with the sesame noodles! That's all I know!

Well, you'd better be right, love, or you and your dearly departed landlord are gonna find yourselves on Pornhub in the fatal cunnilingus section.

So A-Train's runnin' it here, and these blokes are dosin' the Asian bird with it.

Yeah, back when they had eyeballs.

Hughie

Yeah, but why? Is it a Vought thing or, like, a side hustle?

[shows Butcher a paper bag] Came gift-wrapped in this.

Find out where it came from.

I'll shake a few trees.

Why the hell were they dosin' her?

[points at Frenchie] Why don't we ask Foie Gras over here? He's the one that let her out.

Frenchie

She looked innocent.

Innocent? She's locked up in a cage underground with two armed guards?

Frenchie

I had a feeling about her.

Nah, Frenchie. You just didn't follow the plan. You never follow the plan, man.

Frenchie

You need to unclench your asshole.

You need to eat my clenched asshole.

Why are you two carryin' on like a bunch of fuckin' twats? We're sniffin' down a shit sandwich the size of Watergate. Vought and the Supes are both gonna be lookin' for her. All we gotta do is find the Female first.

Keep lookin'. [to Hughie] Who's that, then, eh?

Hughie

It's nobody.

"Annie?" Starlight?

Hughie

Yeah, it's nothing. I mean, we were supposed to go on a date. Not a date. Just, she asked me if I wanted to ask her for her number, and then we just kinda platonically exchanged information, but the… the word "date" was never mentioned.

Call her back right now. You're fuckin' goin'.

Hughie

As a rule, I don't usually go out after a gory massacre.

Listen, here's the job. You're gonna hot mic her phone. From now on, we hear everything she says. I mean, this is a golden opportunity. And after all you done, piece of cake.

Hughie

Yeah, she's not a… She's not a bad person.

She's a Supe, Hughie. Just like the fuckin' rest of them.

So where's the girl, Frenchie? Since you're the psycho chick whisperer all of a sudden.

Frenchie

Maybe subway. Maybe she wants to find a train, no?

Oh, yeah? How deep up your ass did you pull that out?

Frenchie

Well, it depends. How deep does your tongue go?

Listen, you lost her, man. We had orders, we're supposed to follow them. We're professionals and we count on each other, but you're on some fucking Bohemian flaky drug shit. Even Hughie–who's a fucking white Urkel–is more professional than you.

Frenchie

I understand it's hard for someone who's anally OCD to understand.

Okay, then help me understand, Frenchie. What happened the night that Mallory had you tail Lamplighter?

Frenchie

Oh, that's enough!

Mallory was our boss, man. We had orders. And you were supposed to follow him. You were supposed to follow Lamplighter, tail him, but you let him go!

Frenchie

I didn't know.

And Lamplighter goes and torches Mallory's grandkids!

Frenchie

I didn't know!

It doesn't matter! You didn't follow orders and it cost some lives!

Hey! Hey, knock it off! Knock if off!

You know what? Fuck this, Butcher. And fuck you! I'm done!

M.M., wait!

You said this time would be different. [gestures to Frenchie] But this motherfucker's still here doing the same old shit! And we're all gonna fucking end up like Mallory!

Frenchie

Yeah, fuck off. [throws his fist in the air as M.M. walks off]

Fuck this.

Oi, both of you! M.M!

What?

What's Sporty Spice up to?

Who?!

Sporty fuckin' Spice. What is she up to?

[pause; walks back up to Butcher] I don't know.

Exactly. [to Frenchie] How 'bout Posh? You know what she's doin'?

Frenchie

I don't understand.

Makin' clothes for anorexics, alright? Not exactly a growth market. And Baby? You know what she's doin'? Fuck all. Not even page six of the Daily Mail. And Scary Spice? Up to her eyeballs in lawsuits and sex tapes. Ginger, on the other hand, has released three albums: Passion, Schizophrenic, and Scream If You Want To Go Faster. They'll all make your ears bleed. You see, when they're apart, they're absolute fuckin' rubbish. But you put 'em together… They're the goddamn fuckin' Spice Girls.

How do you know so much about the Spice Girls?

Look, the point… is that we're all shite by ourselves. We need each other. We need each other, or we're fuckin' dead in the water. Now, you guys can beat the livin' fuckin' shit out of each other. I really don't care. It ain't gonna change the past. [takes gas canister from Frenchie] What d'you say we go find that dirty little bitch, gas her arse, and get the fuck outta here?

Jesus, he gives the worst pep talks.

Frenchie

He really, really does.

Hughie

$15,000 for an exclusive VIP experience with Ezekiel. Seriously? There's not an easier, cheaper way for us to get to him?

We ain't gettin' to Ezekiel. You are.

Hughie

I am?

Whoa, wait. What?

Well, Starlight's one of the headliners, right? She'll get you in.

Hughie

Whoa. Look, we've only been on, like, a date and a half, okay? I can't just ask her for a diamond club pass.

[takes off sunglasses] What's the matter? You worried your fake Supe girlfriend's gonna think you're usin' her?

Hughie

Okay, then what? I just go up to Ezekiel, "Hey, man. What's up with you smuggling blue dope into Chinatown basements?"

Yeah, pretty much. Once you show him this.

Hughie

Jesus. [pause] This is from that club you took me to?

You remembered our first night together. I'm touched.

Okay, why is this the first time I'm hearing about this plan? This kid needs to be trained up, Butcher.

Hughie

Yeah. Yeah, what he said. I–I don't know how to blackmail anybody.

Hughie, you've done a murder. Comparatively speakin', this'll be a piece of cake.

I'm–I'm not really sure what you're saying, son.

I'm sayin' that if there is some geezer up there with a big white beard, he's a world heavyweight cunt.

What?

I–I'm sorry, did you just call God a c-word?

Yeah. He's got a hard-on for mass murder and givin' kids cancer, and his big 'ol answer to the existential clusterfuck that is humanity is to nail his own bleedin' son to a plank. That is a cunt move. Come on, even you gotta agree with me here.

Hey, hey, hey. Please…

We should lob a fuckin' nuke at him, get it over and done with. Y'know what I'm saying?

[to the pastor] We're sorry, sir. We apologize. [to Butcher] My man…

Alright. Good talk. Think about it. I'm here all day, alright?

You mind pipin' it down just a little bit, huh?

Oh, I'm sorry. Didn't mean to offend your inner black Baptist mum shoutin', "Praise the Lord."

Fuck you. I'm Episcopalian. And there's nothing wrong with havin' a little church up in you, you know?

Said the bishop to the nun. What about you, Hughie? D'you believe in God?

Hughie

I mean, I don't know.

What? Come off it.

Hughie

Yeah, I don't know. I don't think it's Morgan Freeman up there or anything, but it can't all be random chaos.

So I'm kind of a writer. I work in marketing. There's this one hero, who shall remain nameless, but has ice powers.

[snaps his fingers] Ice Princess.

I'm… not allowed to say. Anyway, she took a liking to me. It was heady, man. Intoxicating. No one wants to fuck the writer. Needless to say, I fell for her big time.

[whispering to Hughie] What kind of knobber falls for a Supe?

Anyway, we were being intimate when she climaxed and accidentally turned into ice. Just for a second, but I was, uh… still in there, at negative 346 degrees. Same temperature as liquid nitrogen. As you can imagine, um… [beat; looks down in shame] It snapped off.

The crazy thing is, I still miss her. It's like… that's the cost of a mortal like me for being with a god like her.

[whispering to Hughie] If a Supe done that when she was happy, imagine what one would do if she found out you'd been lyin' to her from the get-go?

Excuse me. Do you have something you'd like to share?

No, no. Apologies. [to Seth] Please, do continue the ice capades.

We don't make jokes or judgments here. Why don't you take the talking stick and tell us your story?

Nah, I'm good.

You know, I've seen guys like you before.

Oh, I seriously doubt that.

The smirk, the jokes–It's all a defense mechanism. But you don't have to do that here. This is a safe space.

I said I'm good. Time to move on.

Go ahead, Seth. Give him the stick.

You back off, or I'll shove this stick where your dick used to be. [to the rest of the support group] You're a bunch of pathetic Supe-worshipin' cunts. I bet you'd thank a Supe if they shat on your mum's best china! Did it ever occur to you that they split your spine… or broke your dick just for a laugh? Where's your fuckin' rage?! Your self-respect?! Sittin' here in your little share circle. Havin' a little whinge and a moan. Fuck lettin' go! You should be out there with a fuckin' chainsaw, goin' after them! Just a bunch of scared fuckin' rabbits.

[to Hughie as he walks out] Supes are the same. Every fuckin' one of 'em.

Hughie

Oh, he's, um... sorry. [follows Butcher out]

Hughie

What are we doing here?

My wife, Becca, used to hum the Spice Girls. She drove me round the fuckin' bend, y'know? All day long, walkin' around the house hummin'. She was happy. Now, I don't know why she was happy with me, but… she was happy. [beat] Homelander raped her.

Hughie

…Jesus. [pause] I–I'm sorry.

Not long after that, she came and sat right here. I know this 'cause she got tagged in that security camera right there. [points at said camera on a lamp post] She sat here for three hours. Didn't move a muscle. Then, she just got up and walked away. That was eight years ago… and nobody's seen her since. Either Homelander killed her or she killed herself. Same difference. [pause] You see, I know what it's like to lose someone. You and me, we're in this together. For Robin… and Becca. That is why you can't allow yourself to be distracted by another bird. Especially not a Supe. Just remember… who your friends and who your enemies are.

There's a camp in a jungle. She's a soldier. There's a flag with a two-headed snake on it.

Two-headed snake? Like… [makes an "X" with his arms and fists]

[nods] Yeah.

With red rays behind it?

Hughie

What does that mean?

It's the flag of the Shining Light Liberation Army. Frenchie… you're dating a terrorist.

Frenchie

There must be more to all of this. She can't be a terrorist.

Yeah, well, you just fuckin' keep her under control.

Okay, so they smuggle in a top-shelf extremist recruit and pump her up with Compound V.

And then, when she's good and ready, they cut her loose to wreak havoc.

Frenchie

She wouldn't.

Hughie

Wait, why would Vought give Compound V to terrorists?

'Cause the only thing more dangerous than a terrorist is a Supe terrorist. And the only way to fight it…

Is with Sergeant fuckin' Homelander. Gotta let the cunts in the army now. Those fuckers are creatin' supervillains. And maybe there's more of 'em. God knows how many.

Hughie

Holy shit.

Okay, this is a clusterfuck. Even for us.

Frenchie

No, listen to me, okay? Maybe that's what they want her to be. But that's not who she is. That's not what she wants!

And you know this 'cause she bends your fuckin' ear off?

Frenchie

She saved my life! She's not bad! She just wanna go home!

She's a fuckin' Supe, just like the rest! How many times do I have to fuckin' say it, eh?!

Frenchie

[to the Female] Mon coeur, I know you understand me. Tell them who you are. Tell them what I see.

The drawings are palm trees in front of the moon. It's where she grew up. They killed her parents. They kidnapped her and her brother… forced them to be soldiers. She just wants to go back and get her brother out of there. Her name's Kimiko.

Frenchie

Kimiko… Bonjour, Kimiko.