Hughie quotes from The Boys

Hughie

[leaving a message for Annie] Hey, Annie, it's me again. I was just wondering, have you ever seen the music video for that Billy Joel song "You're Only Human"? There's this kid and he's climbing up a bridge and he's gonna kill himself, but then Billy Joel steps out with his harmonica and tells him, "Stop, you just have to wait for your second wind". And now, I feel like I'm–I'm that kid… and I'm gonna drown, and... and thank God I found my second wind because it's–it's you. [tearfully] You're my second wind. Um... Look, I know it's exciting taking down Vought and being like James Bond and everything… but you've gotta be careful, because that stuff can go to shit really quick. And you wind up hurting the people that... you love. Like the way that I hurt you. Um... Anyhoo, that's all I wanted to say. Second wind. Um… Okay, thanks. Bye.

Hughie

[last lines; to his and Annie's unborn daughter] Take care of your mom, Robin.

This is like when we started dating.

I don’t think that’s–I don’t think that’s true.

Dude, I had to ask you out.

Hughie

Well, excuse me for waiting. Ever hear of chivalry?

Listen, this is about getting what you deserve. I’m killing myself at school because I think it’s gonna be worth it for both of us… You know, if we move in together.

Hughie

Wait, what? Wait… [stutters] Hey, what was that? What’d you just say?

Well, I mean, we can’t keep laying pipe at your dad’s place, trying to be all quiet, staring up at that dumb Billy Joel… [Hughie kisses her] poster.

Hughie

Hey, don’t you ever besmirch Billy Jo–

A-Train

[quickly] I can’t stop. I can’t stop, I can’t stop, I can’t stop, I can’t stop! I can't stop! [runs off]

Hughie

[pause] Robin?

Hughie

Robin… Robin?! ROBIN!

Hughie

You interested in a nanny cam? 'Cause we're actually running a special on that. Um, it's a pretty popular bear. There's cameras in the eyes.

Tell me, how many nannies shake their babies?

Hughie

Uh, I'm sorry?

Y'know, a good hard shake. [shakes the bear] Like… Like tryin' to get ketchup out of a bottle. One percent? Less?

Hughie

I–I don't really know.

[puts the bear down] Funny, that. They sell a billion dollars worth of that shit worldwide. Goes to show you, doesn't it? The bollocks people will believe if you get 'em scared enough.

Hughie

Cool. Cool, cool. Um, is there anything I can help you with today, or...?

I'm not gonna piss you about, Hughie. I heard what happened to Robin.

Hughie

I'm–I'm sorry, who are you?

She wasn't in the street. She was one step off the fuckin' curb, and you didn't take the payoff.

Hughie

Yeah. I said, who the hell are you? How do you know that?

Name's Butcher. Billy Butcher. [takes out an FBI badge] Listen, I was thinkin' that, uh, you and me should have a little bit of a chat.

Hughie

You’re a Fed? You don’t sound like a Fed.

What, I can’t immigrate? There’s a giant green slapper with her arse in the harbour that says different.

Hughie

You don’t really look like one either.

No? What do I look like?

Hughie

Like you’re starring in a porn version of The Matrix.

Well, it’s all right there in black and white.

Hughie

Okay, uh, what exactly can I do for you?

No, you got it all wrong, Hughie. It's what I can do for you. You see, you ain't alone, son. Happens a lot more than you think. Supes lose hundreds of people each year to collateral damage.

Hughie

No. C'mon, that would be all over the news. People would be screaming bloody murder.

Yeah, look, there might be the odd mention of it every now and again, like with Robin, but there's a shit sight more that happens that just gets swept right under the rug.

Hughie

...Why?

Ain't it obvious? Movie tickets, merchandising, theme parks, video games. A multi-billion dollar global industry supported by corporate lobbyists and politicians on both sides. But the main reason that you won't hear about it... is because the public don't wanna know about it. See, people love that cozy feeling that Supes give 'em. Some golden cunt to swoop outta the sky and save the day, so you don't gotta do it yourself. But if you knew half the shit they get up to... Ooh. Fuckin' diabolical. But that... is where I come in.

Hughie

Come in to... to do what?

Spank the bastards when they get outta line.

Hughie

Um, excuse me. I’m sorry, are–are you okay? [Annie looks at him] Just seemed like a tough call. [pause; Annie doesn’t say anything] Sorry. I don’t mean to bother you.

No. No, it’s okay. Uh… I’m fine. I’m just… I’m just having a bad day.

Hughie

Yeah, me too. Is it like a work thing or a life thing?

It’s a work thing. You?

Hughie

Uh, life thing.

You know how you have this image of yourself? Like, I thought I was strong, you know? Like, made of steel. A fighter. And then, I was faced with this horrible situation with this asshole, and… I just heard my mom’s voice in my head: “Keep smiling. The show must go on.” And I didn’t fight. And now, I just feel sick. Partly because I did it, but mostly because… it turns out I’m not who I thought I was. [beat] Oh! Oh, I’m… sorry. I–I didn’t mean to just dump all of that onto you.

Hughie

No, no, it’s totally fine that you dumped. Um, listen, do–do you like your job?

Oh, it’s the only thing I’ve ever wanted.

Hughie

And it’s a good job? Like, you’re not selling kids smack?

No, it’s a great job. I could help a lot of people.

Hughie

Thing is, I… used to know this girl, and we used to go skating at Rockefeller, and I'd be on the side with this death grip on the rails. She would just charge headfirst into the middle of the rink. And she wasn't… good. Like, she fell… a lot, but she was never scared. And she always used to say, “Just 'cause you fall on your ass doesn't mean you have to stay there.” So you fell on your ass, you know? That's not who you are. So who are you?

[pause; smiles and shrugs] I’m a fighter. I’m gonna fight. Yeah, I’m gonna take that son of a bitch’s head clean off his body.

Hughie

Okay. Wow, that was… Okay. Cool. Little scary, but–but cool. [brief pause] I’m–I’m Hughie, by the way.

Annie. [shakes Hughie’s hand]

There's fuck-all security to worry about. In fact, they're a bunch of Muppets. [holds up bug] And the metal detector won't pick this up. Right? And what they'll probably do is take you through the security, and then up into the boardroom. Sit down. Be nice, congenial. Then, real polite-like, tell 'em you're gonna take a fake shit. Go into the bog, take the bug out. Peel back the plastic bit to reveal the sticky side. Put the plastic bit in the bog. Flush it. Then, go back into the boardroom, sit down–big smiles–plant the bug underneath the table. Easy-peasy Japanesey. Bob's your uncle. That's that.

Hughie

That's that? That was–That was a lot! That–Hold on, can you just–Can you repeat it again? Just a little bit slower? Because I–

Shh, listen.

Hughie

[deeply exhales] Fuck.

Hughie, calm down, alright? This is like that scene in The Matrix. Now, you could take the fuckin' red pill, right? Spend the rest of your life jackin' off, cryin' into your chai tea green latte, what the fuck. Or you could take the blue pill. Or is it the red pill? Anyway, take the other pill and quit bein' a cunt.

Hughie

Which pill do you want me to take?

Just quit bein' a cunt. That's what I'm sayin'.

What d'you think, Frenchie?

Frenchie

You just dropped the Moby fucking Dick of problems on my plate. That's what I think, okay? He can re-order the carbon on his skin into metamaterial. It's hard as diamonds. It's nearly impossible to penetrate.

Alright, how 'bout we suffocate him?

Frenchie

Some Dominicans already tried this, way back in '07.

And what happened?

Frenchie

They're all fucking dead. That's what happened.

Alright, then, fuck it. Electrocution. We'll just increase the amps.

Frenchie

You already hit him with enough to drop a water buffalo, and look. Might knock him out. Doesn't seem to kill him, huh? No. We need to pierce the skin somehow.

Well, how the hell are we gonna do that?

Frenchie

I don't know.

Hughie

You're gonna kill him?

[pause; turns and stares at Hughie] We didn't bring him here for a fuckin' Happy Meal.

Hughie

I don't–I thought we'd question him or something. I don't know, you get a–you get a hold of someone this big–

At Gitmo, we had to waterboard Khalid Sheikh Mohammed 183 times over six months to get him to talk just once. Now, we ain't got six months. I doubt we've even got six hours.

Hughie

There are so many crazy things about what you just said. But right now, you're talking about randomly killing one of the most famous men on the planet. A goddamn national treasure. I mean… people tend to notice that kinda thing.

And if we let him go, what do you think The Seven will do to us? Hmm? You can't get A-Train if you're a greasy smear on the pavement.

Hughie

I'm not a murderer.

That's alright. I am.

Hughie

Hi. I thought you might be thirsty, so…

Hughie

Well, if you don't want it, I can always–

Translucent

No, I want it. Cheers.

Hughie

So listen, I need to ask you some questions about A-Train. When he burst through that woman the other day–Robin Ward. I–I need to know why. Where was he going? What was he doing?

Translucent

Why? What was she to you? Sister? Girlfriend? [pause; Hughie says nothing] Girlfriend. [sighs] That's what all this is about? Christ. What makes you think I know anything about it?

Hughie

I know you and A-Train were tight. You guys came up together.

Translucent

What are you, a fucking fan?!

Hughie

Listen… Those two guys in there, they wanna kill you, okay? So you give me something, maybe I can–

Translucent

What? Hold them off? 'Cause they hang on your every word. You're the big man around here.

Hughie

Okay, you don't wanna talk, don't talk. I tried. Good luck.

Translucent

Buddy, my superpower ain't invisibility. [pause; makes himself visible] You know that, right? It's reading people. Watching them when they think they're alone. I see people for who they really are. I see you too, pal.

Hughie

Right. [kneels down to eye level with Translucent] 'Cause you know me so well, right?

Translucent

Yeah. I know you're trying your damnedest to be tough. It's a little adorable, but the truth is… you're terrified. Shitting in your tightie-whities 'cause you're in over your head, fucked. And you know it. Hughie, I even kinda feel for you. Your girl died, and we do crazy shit when we got broken hearts. But now every instinct is screaming at you to head for the hills, and you should listen to that instinct.

Hughie

Unless we kill you first.

Translucent

How? I got invulnerable skin. I'm a fucking superhero, guy. We fight gangs and terrorists. We save the world daily. I've stood in front of thousands of screaming fans, all of them creaming their jeans. …Who are you? A water balloon filled with blood and meat. Homelander's gonna find me, and when he does, he's gonna burst you wide open. I'm gonna make it home in time for cocktails. 'Cause that's who you are, and that's who I am. You're not the hero of this story, and I'm not the one who's trapped.

Hughie

[beat] Well, good luck. I tried.

Translucent

Great chat. Run for the hills, Hughie.

Frenchie

Oh, no…

Motherfucker!

Hughie

Butcher, who is this guy?!

You'll give the game away!

Not until this frog gets what's coming.

Frenchie

The only thing that is coming is me on your mother's titties!

Let me throw it at him, bitch!

Hey!

We had an agreement about him.

We agreed to put a pin in it, alright?

Frenchie

What agreement?!

There was no pin! I don't trust this French whore!

Frenchie

I am more American than you, you racist piece of shit!

Hughie

Why are they fighting?!

Nothing! It is water under the bridge!

[to Frenchie] You tell that to Mallory's grandkids. Tell them it's water under the bridge.

Frenchie

That wasn't my fault.

Hughie

Who is Mallory?

Alright, the both of you, knock it on the head, now!

…Shit! [answers phone] Hey, Monique. How you doin', baby? Ooh, I forgot to marinade the tilapia. I am so sorry, sweetheart. [pause] Okay, how 'bout this? How about on my way home from work, I stop by DeLuca's, pick up two fat tenderloins, some portobello mushrooms, that pinot that you love so much. Yeah, baby. Okay, I–I gotta go. Alright, sweetheart. Yeah. Me, too. …Baby, I just–Uh, you're right. You're right. I love you, too. Okay. Bye.

Fuck all of ya'll, okay?

Alright, alright. [to M.M. and Frenchie] Listen, you two knobbers kiss and make up, yeah? We got a fuckin' job to do.

Who's this guy?

The new lad, Hughie. Hughie, Mother's Milk.

Hughie

That's a… nickname?

[sarcastically] No, my mother actually named me "Mother's Milk".

Hughie

Did–Did she?

So we got a French whore and a Stephen fucking Hawking. Great job, Butcher.

Well, it was Stephen fuckin' Hawking who dusted the Supe.

So Translucent, huh? How the fuck did you pull that off?

Hughie

I don't know. Just lucky, I guess.

Still… Must've been scary.

Hughie

You wanna know what's really messed up? It's, uh, in some ways just right in that moment, it felt kinda good.

It's written all over your face, Hughie.

Hughie

What? How can you tell?

'Cause I know how this job makes me feel.

Hughie

When I had that detonator in my hand, I felt like a–I felt like a rush.

I get it.

Hughie

Like, I felt alive.

But that rush, Hughie, is no different than the shit A-Train shoots up. Everything comes with a price.

Hughie

[beat] The last thing I ever said to Robin… was, "Don't you ever besmirch Billy Joel." That was the last thing that she heard before she burst into pieces. And I gotta live with that shit for the rest of my life. [pause] The price… Whatever it is, I'll pay it.

Hughie

This is just so weird. I mean, the other day–Was it three days ago?

Mm-hmm.

Hughie

You just seemed like… You seemed so normal, you know? And now, it's just–

Now I'm a freak.

Hughie

No. No, not–No, that's not what I meant at all. I just meant–I just wasn't getting Beyoncé vibes, but… [Annie laughs] Not that you don't have that–

I'm messing with you.

Hughie

Okay.

You know… it was really nice to talk to someone who didn't know who I was. Once you're behind the scenes, it's… it's different.

Hughie

Like how?

I don't know if they really want you to be a hero. I think they just want you to look like one.

Hughie

The other day on the bench when you were talking about how much you hated your job, you meant… you meant this job? [Annie nods] Then, um… Just quit. Just walk away. I mean, you got nothing to prove.

[beat] I should probably get back, you know, before they send a search party for me.

Hughie

Yeah, totally. Um, listen, Annie… Starlight? What do you, uh–

Annie.

Hughie

This is insane, but uh–I know you're you and everything, but if you ever just wanted to, you know, get–

Would you like my number?

Hughie

[pause] Yeah. Yeah, that's–that's, uh… That's what I was asking.

Okay.

Hughie

Do I call you, or do I just commit a crime?

Probably committing a crime would get me to you quicker.

So A-Train's runnin' it here, and these blokes are dosin' the Asian bird with it.

Yeah, back when they had eyeballs.

Hughie

Yeah, but why? Is it a Vought thing or, like, a side hustle?

[shows Butcher a paper bag] Came gift-wrapped in this.

Find out where it came from.

I'll shake a few trees.

Why the hell were they dosin' her?

[points at Frenchie] Why don't we ask Foie Gras over here? He's the one that let her out.

Frenchie

She looked innocent.

Innocent? She's locked up in a cage underground with two armed guards?

Frenchie

I had a feeling about her.

Nah, Frenchie. You just didn't follow the plan. You never follow the plan, man.

Frenchie

You need to unclench your asshole.

You need to eat my clenched asshole.

Why are you two carryin' on like a bunch of fuckin' twats? We're sniffin' down a shit sandwich the size of Watergate. Vought and the Supes are both gonna be lookin' for her. All we gotta do is find the Female first.

Keep lookin'. [to Hughie] Who's that, then, eh?

Hughie

It's nobody.

"Annie?" Starlight?

Hughie

Yeah, it's nothing. I mean, we were supposed to go on a date. Not a date. Just, she asked me if I wanted to ask her for her number, and then we just kinda platonically exchanged information, but the… the word "date" was never mentioned.

Call her back right now. You're fuckin' goin'.

Hughie

As a rule, I don't usually go out after a gory massacre.

Listen, here's the job. You're gonna hot mic her phone. From now on, we hear everything she says. I mean, this is a golden opportunity. And after all you done, piece of cake.

Hughie

Yeah, she's not a… She's not a bad person.

She's a Supe, Hughie. Just like the fuckin' rest of them.

Hughie

$15,000 for an exclusive VIP experience with Ezekiel. Seriously? There's not an easier, cheaper way for us to get to him?

We ain't gettin' to Ezekiel. You are.

Hughie

I am?

Whoa, wait. What?

Well, Starlight's one of the headliners, right? She'll get you in.

Hughie

Whoa. Look, we've only been on, like, a date and a half, okay? I can't just ask her for a diamond club pass.

[takes off sunglasses] What's the matter? You worried your fake Supe girlfriend's gonna think you're usin' her?

Hughie

Okay, then what? I just go up to Ezekiel, "Hey, man. What's up with you smuggling blue dope into Chinatown basements?"

Yeah, pretty much. Once you show him this.

Hughie

Jesus. [pause] This is from that club you took me to?

You remembered our first night together. I'm touched.

Okay, why is this the first time I'm hearing about this plan? This kid needs to be trained up, Butcher.

Hughie

Yeah. Yeah, what he said. I–I don't know how to blackmail anybody.

Hughie, you've done a murder. Comparatively speakin', this'll be a piece of cake.

I'm–I'm not really sure what you're saying, son.

I'm sayin' that if there is some geezer up there with a big white beard, he's a world heavyweight cunt.

What?

I–I'm sorry, did you just call God a c-word?

Yeah. He's got a hard-on for mass murder and givin' kids cancer, and his big 'ol answer to the existential clusterfuck that is humanity is to nail his own bleedin' son to a plank. That is a cunt move. Come on, even you gotta agree with me here.

Hey, hey, hey. Please…

We should lob a fuckin' nuke at him, get it over and done with. Y'know what I'm saying?

[to the pastor] We're sorry, sir. We apologize. [to Butcher] My man…

Alright. Good talk. Think about it. I'm here all day, alright?

You mind pipin' it down just a little bit, huh?

Oh, I'm sorry. Didn't mean to offend your inner black Baptist mum shoutin', "Praise the Lord."

Fuck you. I'm Episcopalian. And there's nothing wrong with havin' a little church up in you, you know?

Said the bishop to the nun. What about you, Hughie? D'you believe in God?

Hughie

I mean, I don't know.

What? Come off it.

Hughie

Yeah, I don't know. I don't think it's Morgan Freeman up there or anything, but it can't all be random chaos.