Homelander quotes from The Boys

Homelander

William Butcher and Soldier Boy. Of course. You are behind this. This whole thing… it really is all about me. William, we made a deal to fight to the death. You and me. This is cheating. Deal's off.

Homelander

[to Soldier Boy] You were my hero growing up. I watched all your movies hundreds of times. You were the only one that was nearly as strong as me.

Buddy, you think you look strong? You're wearing a cape. You're just a cheap fuckin' knockoff.

Homelander

Oh, no, no, no… I'm the upgrade.

Homelander

Hey, how you doing? Look, I–I'm sorry about all this. I wish I could say you get used to it, but you never do. So… where are they hiding? [beat; Maeve doesn't say anything] Butcher and Soldier Boy. Where are they?

Queen Maeve

Wait, is… [gets up and walks up to Homelander] is that concealer? Do you have a bruise?

Homelander

Yeah. Do you have any idea what you've set loose? Butcher has powers. I assume thanks to you. They've killed Crimson Countess and seven other heroes, Maeve. Seven. The ones that–that survived are done; they're powerless. Soldier Boy fried the V right out of their blood somehow. Maeve, do you understand that could happen to any one of us?

Queen Maeve

Yeah. That's the difference between you and me. You need to be a Supe. I can't wait till that's over.

Homelander

[sighs] Maeve–

Queen Maeve

Why are you letting me live?

Homelander

Maeve… You know, back when things were better between us… [sighs] I used to dream of having kids with you. [chuckles] No, I did. A family. Nesting, you know? I–I mean, can you imagine how perfect our kids would be? Sublime. Twice as strong as Ryan. No kid of mine would ever know a room like this, I'll tell you that.

Queen Maeve

Just so you know, I'll fucking shatter whatever you try to stick up there.

Homelander

Maeve, don't be so crass! We're not savages. I respect what you are, even if you don't. I would never force myself on you. [pause] But I am gonna harvest your eggs. That way, if… God forbid, you do die–whether by accident or choice–you'll die knowing that the very best of you carries on. With me. See, Maeve, I'm not letting you live. I'm keeping you alive.

Queen Maeve

[smiles and snickers] This is still a top-three day in my life. Because today is the day I saw you scared.

Homelander

Here she is. Did you think I wouldn't know the second you walked through the door?

Well, we broke up. It was time to pack my shit and go.

Homelander

[chuckles and smiles] Okay. So, here's what happens now. You're gonna march into VNN Studios, and you're gonna recant everything you said. It was a tragic cocktail of heartbreak, Zoloft and despair. You regret any harm that your lies have caused Vought or me, but… me in particular.

Mmm.

Homelander

Good.

Okay, but you wanna hear my counter? I stop Soldier Boy before he murders more people, and I find Maeve. If she's still alive.

Homelander

Maeve's just learning her manners. And you should do the same. Seriously, before you throw away everything you've worked so hard for.

You know what? I could give a shit.

Homelander

Really? You sure about that? Your fame is the only thing protecting you.

Here's the thing: I'm not scared of you anymore. I'm not. I see who you are. I see how small you are. I saw it. [pause] I saw it the night that you killed Supersonic.

Homelander

You know what I remember from that night? I remember I told you what would happen to Hughie. You walk, that's next.

…Good luck with that.

Now that you've told my 190 million followers. I'm still pretty famous.

Homelander

[laughing] Hey, everybody!

[hears elevator doors open] Oh, that's me. I gotta go.

Homelander

Starlight, wait. You're not supposed to record us when we're running lines!

Homelander

[to Ashley on the phone] Obviously, I didn't realize the little bitch was recording me, did I? [pause] No, no! Ashley, I don't fucking care! You're the spin doctor, go fucking spin it! [hears phone line beeping; to operator] What?!

Sir, I apologize for disturbing you… but you have a call. He says he's… Well, he's claiming to be Soldier Boy.

Homelander

[stammers] Put him through.

Homelander

[to Soldier Boy] This really you?

The situation's changed. I thought we should have a conversation.

Homelander

I don't know who the fuck you think you are, but you got lucky once because you fucking ambushed me.

Fall 1980, I get called into Vogelbaum's lab for an experiment. Some shit about genetics. I still remember the Penthouse I used: June. Danielle Deneux, bush like a Pomeranian.

Homelander

What?

I beat my meat into a cup. Turns out… Vogelbaum made a kid. Born in spring 1981: A boy. You know what the bitch of it is? If they'd have just kept me around, I'd have let you take the spotlight. What father wouldn't want that for his son?

Homelander

Listen, Ryan. Your mom, she wanted what's best for you. And so do I. You have a real family.

Ryan

But aren't you mad at me? For what I did?

Homelander

You know it wasn't your fault, right? Son, when you're as strong as we are, accidents happen, things break… and sometimes they are the things that you love the most. But- but that's all it is: An accident. And nobody on this earth knows that better than me. Nobody. That's why I'm always gonna love you. No matter what happens, no matter... what you do. I'm not going anywhere. I will always be here.

[over the recording] I'm Starlight, and I'm telling you that you need to evacuate the Tower now.

[over the recording] Why?

[over the recording] Because Soldier Boy is alive, and he–

The Deep

We ran it through the voice thingamabob. It's really her, so… you know, I think we should probably evacuate.

Homelander

Nobody's evacuating anything. We have to project strength.

The Deep

Right. No, that's smart. Strength. Okay, so my Angel Fish–that's what I call Analytics–we think Soldier Boy's coming for Noir. Last member of Payback, right? So we should use Noir as bait. And that way it draws Soldier Boy directly to the…

The Deep

…Hey, is everything–Is everything okay with Noir?

Homelander

He was keeping secrets from me. You know, when the company first rolled me out in front of the cameras, they told me I was gonna get my very own team. I wanted so badly for that team to be the family that I never got. And then, I got you.

The Deep

I've–I've always tried to help, sir.

Homelander

What, like when you ran away from Herogasm? Or maybe when you fucked an octopus? [pause; A-Train looks at The Deep with disgust] You really wanna help?

The Deep

Sir… [chuckles] That's sort of treason.

Homelander

Big word.

The Deep

Anything you need, Homelander. Sir.

Homelander

Ashley, take off that wig.

Ashley

What wig?

Homelander

Hmmm. [to A-Train] And then, there's you. How could you kill one of your own kind in cold blood? You are gonna tell the world that we are the one and only true justice. Noir was worth more than all of you put together. You're not my family. I don't need any of you. Remember that.

Homelander

Scorched earth, eh, William?

Scorched earth.

Where's Noir?

Homelander

[pause] He's dead. I killed him.

Why?

Homelander

Because he didn't tell me about you. I'm alone. I just wanna talk. I know what it's like to have your team betray you. But with you and I together… they wouldn't stand a chance. Nobody would.

Unless we kill each other first.

Homelander

That's true, but why? What, because he says so? [chuckling] He's nothing. He's a human.

[to Soldier Boy] Don't you listen to this fuckin' twat. He ain't your kid.

Homelander

YES, I AM! I AM YOUR SON! I am your blood. That's all that matters.

Maybe.

Ryan…

Homelander

[to Soldier Boy] This is my son, Ryan. Your grandson.

Ryan

Hi, Grandpa.

Homelander

You see? You have a family. You have him… [tearfully] and you have me.

[pause] It's a shame that I've missed… so much. I wish I could've raised you and taught you, father to son.

Homelander

Me, too. That's okay. We're not alone anymore. We have each other.

Maybe if I'd raised you, I could've made you better… and not some weak, sniveling pussy starved for attention. But there's no fixing that now.

Homelander

Weak? I'm you.

I know. You're a fucking disappointment.

Homelander

[to a crowd of his fans] Hey, good to see ya! I love you guys. You ARE America. True patriots. Hey, do you wanna meet someone–someone very special to me? Yeah? All right, come on down here, buddy. [Ryan floats down] All right, everyone. This little guy here… is my son, Ryan.

FUCK YOU, FASCIST!

Yeah… YEAH! YEAH!! [laughs]

Homelander

All right!

Listen, Ryan, I got a lot to say and fuck-all time to say it. I got a lorry out back. I can get you out of here.

Ryan

What are you talking about?

I know you're angry with me, and you got every right to be. But you know how dangerous Homelander is.

Ryan

He's my dad.

Ryan, he–he murdered some poor sod right in front of your eyes!

Ryan

But that guy was a pedophile.

Ryan, it ain't true. He's lyin' to ya. Let me take ya to Grace, alright? And then you don't gotta see me no more... Please, son. I'm beggin' ya. It's what your Mum would want.

Homelander

[walking into the room] "No" means "no", William. This isn't the Neverland Ranch. Don't worry. Nothing bad's gonna happen, right? [pause] Oh... Seems it already has. Look at that big, black mass curdling around your brain. What do you got, six months? Less? It's too bad, we're not gonna have that last dance together. I'll miss us.

Bloody hell, you wank to your own voice, don't ya?

Homelander

That's the spirit, champ.

Ashley

[to Homelander] Sir, after that debacle at Godolkin–thank you again for saving my life–the board felt we should find new candidates for The Seven, ASAP. The selection committee has narrowed it down to 25 choices.

Ashley

Um… Okay, great. If we're going purely on socials, I might suggest Talon out of Redlands.

The Deep

Pass. She's a butterface. Her body's on point, but her face...

Ashley

Yeah, I get it. Thank you so much for explaining. [under her breath] Chauvinist prick. [looks at Hyperion's profile] Ugh, not that slutty cum rag.

A-Train

Hold up, I thought he ate a dog.

The Deep

He ate out a dog. [A-Train and Ashley give concerned looks] It's a big difference.

A-Train

Sister Sage? Hell no. She was with me in Teenage Kix for, like, barely a year before they canned her ass.

The Deep

What's her power?

A-Train

She's the world's smartest person. She's not smart enough to know when to shut her mouth. [looks at the profile of a white male Supe named…] Wrangler. Isn't he a–

Ashley

Texas nutjob. The San Antonio office had to cover up those migrant murders.

Homelander

I kinda like him.

Ashley

Of course, he bumps us with suburban women and white men over 50. Amazing choice, sir.

The Deep

Yeah, I totally agree. He's a mensch. Did I use that word right? Mensch?

Homelander

[to Ashley] You just said he was crazy.

Ashley

What I meant was we would be crazy to, you know, not bring him in.

Homelander

[beat; groans] I am surrounded by sycophants and fucking imbeciles!

The Deep

It's just that you make a lot of really great points, sir.

Homelander

Deep, just… [beat; turns chair around to face The Deep] Blow A-Train.

The Deep

What?

Homelander

I'm not kidding. Go over there, pull out A-Train's cock and blow him.

Homelander

[to A-Train] Get up.

The Deep

[chuckles; to A-Train] Sex is just a spectrum, right, bro?

Homelander

Get off your fucking knees!

Homelander

This is exactly what I'm talking about. Not one of you has the stomach to challenge anything I say. [gets up and starts walking out of the conference room] Oh, my God. I have gotta carry this entire fucking company on my shoulders.

Ashley

You're… right?

The Deep

[notices A-Train staring at him] I wasn't gonna do it.

A-Train

Sage, it's good to see you again. [quietly] What the fuck are you doing here?

Sister Sage

Homelander's tired of being surrounded by morons.

Homelander

[walking into the room] Hello, everyone.

Homelander! I just wanna say, it's a huge honor to be here with you…

Homelander

Right. Now, I can't stay long, but I heard that you are some of my biggest fans, supporting me when others turned their backs. I just wanted to personally say… Thank you for your devotion. And your sacrifice.

W... Well, really, it's you who gives so much to…

Homelander

[holds up finger to silence Todd] You people are more than just fans. You're martyrs to the greatest cause on Earth. [to The Deep] Open it.

The Deep

You got it. [reaches into a duffle bag and pulls out three baseball bats] Whoa. Bats.

Homelander

Yeah. I want you to take these bats and beat these gentlemen to death.

[beat; laughing] You're funny.

The Deep

Oh, it's like one of your tests. You want us to say no.

Homelander

No, Deep. This is not a test. [hands a bat each to A-Train and Black Noir II] I want you to beat these gentlemen to death... now.

I think maybe we should go.

Oh, Jesus!

Homelander

[to Black Noir II, who holds up his bloody bat] Mm-hmm.

Jesus!

Sister Sage

Stay here. Wait for further instructions. [exits the room]

Black Noir II

[beat] Yo, what the fuck?! That was so fucked up, you guys!

Small-town kid grows up on a Montana ranch with his mom. On the surface, he's an everyday all-American boy.

But deep in his heart, he knows he's different, special. He's always asking himself, "Who am I?" Then one day, that question is answered when Homelander flies down from the sky and says, with tears in his eyes…

Homelander

No tears.

…and says proudly, [Homelander mouths along with Seth and grins] "Son, it's time for you to take your place by my side".

And for Ryan it feels surprising, yet inevitable. He always knew he was destined for greatness.

Because he came from greatness!

Homelander

Oooh! [chuckles and claps] Wow. [to Ryan] Oh, buddy, can you believe that? Wh–What do you think?

Ryan

It's cool… I guess.

Homelander

You guess? [chuckles] Uh… I think it looks amazing.

Ashley

Oh, so amazing. Really marketable.

So marketable.

Sister Sage

The whole pitch blows.

Ashley

It… does not blow.

Sister Sage

It blows, harder than Nancy Reagan on the MGM backlot.

Ashley

I'm sorry, why are you here?

Sister Sage

Vought got rid of most of the sidekicks after Gunpowder. The settlements exceeded profitability.

Homelander

Yeah, but I don't think Ryan is gonna file an HR complaint against me. [laughs with the rest of the marketing team]

Ryan

What?

Sister Sage

Ryan is the first natural-born superhero, and his brand needs to reflect that. He's not one of Vought's lab rat freaks. He was chosen by fate, God, whatever… to be the one who saves the world.

Homelander

Yes. But let's not forget why he is special, shall we? He's my son. Chosen by God, sure, but uh… made by me.

Sister Sage

The chosen one narrative only works if he stands alone. Harry Potter, Neo, Luke Skywalker. Hollywood's trained people to fall in love with white boy lone saviors. So, America will want to fall in love with Ryan.

Ryan

What is this?

Homelander

It's a crime itinerary. Your first save. Congratulations, son. [whispering to Sage] I'm not on the call sheet.

Sister Sage

You wanted a kingdom for your son. I'm helping you get it.

Homelander

[beat] Excellent. Just as we discussed. Feel free to move forward.

Sister Sage

Thanks. [pulls out cell phone; to Homelander] Ah, if you don't mind? [takes a quick selfie with Homelander; to Ashley] I'm here because Homelander wants me here. Because he trusts me.

Homelander

Who wants a creamy, delicious milkshake? Hmm? [pause; Ryan continues crying] Oh, Ryan… Okay, come on. Come on. It's okay. Don't worry, okay? Don't worry. You'll get plenty of solo saves, I promise. But I really do think that my being there is good for your numbers.

Ryan

What?

Homelander

Yeah.

Ryan

No.

Homelander

Yes.

Ryan

No, no…

Homelander

Yes.

Ryan

I killed Koy.

Homelander

That's what you're upset about? Koy? [sighs] Okay. Accidents happen all the time, okay? Humans are fragile. You can't save them all.

Ryan

But isn't that our job?

Homelander

Look, Koy died doing what he loved, okay? It'll be better next time.

Ryan

No.

Homelander

Yes.

Ryan

No, I'm never doing that again.

Homelander

Jesus Christ. How many times do I have to tell you?! They're only human, Ryan! Toys! [sighs] You can't go around feeling bad about what you are 'cause a few things break. Who cares? You are destined for so much more, you understand? You're chosen, young man. Sooner or later, you gotta accept it.

There’s enough here to take down a bull elephant.

Ten bull elephants. I’m not takin' any chances. How you gonna get close enough to use it?

If I can get Ryan here, I can dose him. You just be ready.

He’s not gonna be real happy with us when he wakes up.

Grace built the Hazlet Safe House with the specific intention of hot-boxin' Supes. It’ll hold Ryan.

Not for long.

Then we better work fast. Like when we deprogrammed them two ISIL lads, eh?

And if he doesn’t listen to us?

Homelander

[on TV] My son, Ryan.

…Then we keep him high on halothane till he does. Now listen here, Joe. We get Ryan’s head clear, and that’s it, alright? Nothing about trainin' him up to top Homelander.

So you’ve said.

I mean it, Joe. Would you train your boy up to be a killer?

Listen, brother. You don’t trust me, go back to your team. Oh, wait.

Firecracker

Did you know that these “vaccines” that they’re giving out at the Starlight House actually cause autism? And–And not that cool Rain Man autism that makes you good at countin' cards and shit.

Homelander

That's her?

Sister Sage

Yeah.

Homelander

Really?

Sister Sage

Mm-hmm.

Homelander

Seems like she fell off her jet ski one too many times.

Sister Sage

Now that Starlight’s back leading the Starlighters, we need her.

Homelander

That is gonna shut them up?

Sister Sage

No, she’s gonna make them louder. Are you gonna trust me or not?

Homelander

Is there a problem? ‘Cause this is a huge day for you, but you seem to have something firmly lodged up your asshole.

Sister Sage

This spandex is. Up my ass and in a camel toe. The whole point was for me to stay behind the scenes.

Sister Sage

You are clearly punishing me for openly disagreeing with you, which you said you could handle, but clearly you can’t.

Homelander

Do you really think I’d be that petty?

Sister Sage

Yes, I do. I mean, did it occur to you that it is harder to stage a fucking coup with a million eyes on me?

Homelander

Popularity is power, Sister.

Sister Sage

It’s a prison.

Homelander

Listen, it’s gonna be great, okay? You’re a member of The Seven now. You’re a superhero. Act like it. [to the male members of The Seven] Hey, how about a photo with the new girl, guys?

The Deep

Yeah, get in here. Front and center.

Homelander

Get in there. Make a sandwich out of her.