HomelanderExcuse me, Starlight. I need the room. I got a meeting with Stan.
Actually, I invited you both. Have a seat.
Homelander
Great.
[Homelander gets upset when Edgar takes his seat at the head of the table. He begrudgingly sits down in the chair next to him.]
I remember when you first arrived, Starlight. A farm girl from Kansas. Bright-eyed like Dorothy in Oz.
ASAnnie/Starlight
Iowa. And not a farm.
Oh, well, look how far you've come. Polling at 96, a new Vought record. I don't have to tell you that our brand has been a bit tarnished since that [looks at Homelander] nasty business last year. But you have restored a wholesome, trustworthy image to the company when we needed it the most. Which is why the board wants to make you co-captain of The Seven.
Homelander
What?
ASAnnie/Starlight
Co… Co-captain? [stammers] But–But... [chuckles] Homelander is captain. [to Homelander] I mean, you're–you're captain.
This will be beneficial to you both. [to Homelander] Your numbers are down… What, double digits? The public still associates you with Stormfront. This would be a real bump. A rising tide lifts all boats.
Homelander
That's very thoughtful of you, Stan. Um… When does the board vote?
They already did this morning. All that's left is for Starlight to say yes.
ASAnnie/Starlight
No. I mean–I mean, I'm flattered. Thank you, but no thank you. If anybody, it should be Maeve.
Homelander
Nobody does. Except you, apparently.
Homelander, could you give us a moment?
Homelander
Look, I'd really like to keep discussing this.
Absolutely. Set a time with Samantha, and we'll get you in.
Homelander
[pause; laughs angrily] Great. No problem.
Homelander
My schedule is pretty full, but I'll try and find you a window.
[Homelander walks out of the conference room. He turns around and stares coldly at Annie and Edgar as the doors shut on him]
ASAnnie/Starlight
Okay, sir, there is no way. I mean, you saw him.
He can get as pissy as he wants. As long as I'm CEO of Vought, he's under control. And we both know why.
ASAnnie/Starlight
You know that he can–he can probably hear you.
Good. I hope he does. Starlight, real power… [mimics Annie shooting light with her hands] isn't this. It's the ability to bend the world to your will. You would decide what The Seven do, what causes they support. Full authority to fill the team's empty slots. [gets up and pushes the chair Homelander was sitting on next to his] I'm offering you real power. You should think about it.
Homelander
What are you drinking?
Homelander
Ooh.
You want one? I’ll go grab a PA–
Homelander
Oh, no. No. Thank you, though. [walks up to A-Train] I see you got the extra whipped cream in there, huh?
Homelander
Yummers. Guess you wanted to cram in as much fat fuck as possible, huh?
[confused] …Did I do something wrong?
Homelander
You think I haven’t seen you [pokes A-Train's stomach] shoving back two dozen cupcakes in the break room? Nine servings on Miro's truffle risotto night [pokes A-Train again] Hmm?
Hey, man… You know I need 30,000 calories a day.
Homelander
Maybe when you actually ran you did. But now, you’re just eating your feelings, making us look ridiculous. [pause] “The Fastest Man Alive”, what a fuckin’ joke. [walks away]
[whispering under his breath] Fuck you, man.
Homelander
[stops walking] What did you say?
[Homelander quickly walks back to A-Train and grabs him by the back of his neck]
Homelander
WHAT DID YOU SAY TO ME?!
I’m sorry! Shit! I’m so sorry, I–I didn’t mean it!
Homelander
Say it. [activates laser eyes; A-Train drops his shake] SAY IT!
[Homelander lets go of A-Train and walks away]
[Butcher hears somebody near his apartment just as he's about to pour out the V24. He hides the V24 vials in a bulldog-shaped cookie jar before going out to investigate. Butcher enters the living room and sees Homelander outside staring at him from his balcony]
[opens balcony door] If you wanna watch me have a wank, it'll cost you a tenner.
Homelander
May I come in?
[Cut to Butcher in his kitchen making tea with Homelander inside]
Homelander
Where's Ryan?
He's at 673 Nosh My Bollocks Ave. You want a pen and paper?
Homelander
You know, I could just... pull you apart, limb by limb. Make you tell me.
Nah, that'd be worthless. Victim always goes into shock. You gotta start small. Fingers, toenails, ears...
Homelander
He's my son, William. My family. I'm gonna find him sooner or later.
[pause] Look, uh... I don't mean to be rude, but can we just skip to the part where you laser my fuckin' brains out?
Homelander
Oh, for Christ's sakes. Where's the sport in that? I mean, look at you. It'd be like putting down a wounded dog.
You're the one with your tail between your legs on all them fuckin' talk shows. And then, they go and make Starlight co-captain? That's gotta sting.
Homelander
[smiles] Touché, William. Touché.
Homelander
[disgusted] Vought. And the fucking Bureau. The wheeling and dealing, and–and giving and taking, just to keep everything... exactly the same. And you and me? Well, they treat us like old playthings and put us up on the fucking shelf. Treat us like we're obsolete. Doesn't that make you angry?
Homelander
What if... What if it doesn't have to be that way? What if you and I... Well, what if we share a different destiny? Something a little more... scorched earth. Shock and awe. Blood and bone. And in the end, only one of us left standing. [beat] Isn't that what you want?
Too fuckin' right. More than anything.
Homelander
I look forward to it.
[Butcher glances at the cookie jar then at Homelander's seat, which is now vacant]
[Annie refuses to sing a sexy rendition of "Happy Birthday" to Homelander for his televised birthday celebration]
ASAnnie/Starlight
For the record, I know you don't care whether I sing or not. This is a juvenile attempt to get me to look like a sex doll instead of a co-captain. [Homelander chuckles] I'm not doing it.
Homelander
I have an idea: Why don't you lighten the fuck up? Come on, you're gonna sing the shit out of this song. Ready? Let's hit it.
[chimes in over the PA] If Starlight doesn't want to sing, she doesn't sing.
Homelander
Stan, what a surprise!
Our testing shows that 76 percent of likely viewers will make every effort to watch it tonight for Starlight. As for you, 53 percent might DVR. I think that that means that she can call her own shots, don't you?
Homelander
So how about I just walk, Stan? How would that rate?
After the PR hole you dug for yourself this past year, I'd say you're lucky we're even putting on this farce at all. But hey, it's your party. You can cry if you want to.
[Homelander arrives to save a woman named Chelsea from jumping off the edge of a building]
Homelander
Hi, Chelsea. It's your lucky day. Well, considering you're my annual birthday save.
CChelsea
Don't come any closer.
Homelander
Life is a precious gift. To throw yours away would be a real slap in the Lord's face, don't you think? You don't wanna go to Hell for all eternity, do you?
Homelander
Alright. Well, regardless, just step back from the ledge, please.
[Ashley is giving direction to the camera crew on the street below them]
Okay, that's good. Just don't be afraid of the zoom. You're not Roger Deakins. Mike, frame up. He could be flying down any second.
[checks an alert on her phone and looks up] Oh, fuck!
Homelander
Come on, look. I'm here now. If you jump, I'm just gonna fly down and save you anyway. It's all futile and...
[Homelander notices a breaking news story about Stormfront's suicide on a billboard]
Homelander
She–She wouldn't… It's my... It's my birthday. She... [beat; to Chelsea] You probably don't know this–because, you know, Jew–but Jesus wasn't born on the 25th of December. That was piggybacked off a pagan festival, and guess what? Today is not my birthday either. Nope. Don't know when it is, but sure as hell ain't today. This was just chosen for me by a marketing department. I mean, I can't even have a birthday at all. I wasn't born. I was just poured out of a fucking test tube. Immaculate conception. I know exactly how he must have felt. Jesus. You give and you give… [stutters] You give your whole fucking life, and what happens? People just tear you down. Why do people destroy their gods? How is it fair that you get saved while a beautiful, perfect god gets killed? [beat] You know what, Chelsea? [pause] I think you should jump.
CChelsea
I–I don't think I want to.
Homelander
You don't want to? Why don't you show a little follow-through, Chelsea? Jump.
CChelsea
Please, I... I just wanna get down.
Homelander
I'm not suggesting anymore. Jump.
CChelsea
No. No, please. Oh, God… Oh, God!
Homelander
No, no, no. No God. The only man in the sky is me. [his eyes light up]
How the fuck did she bite off her own tongue? Stormfront Million Dollar Babied herself. It was horrible.
[Chelsea leaps from the building and lands on the ground in a sickening splat. Homelander looks down disheartened.]
[A-Train walks out on stage to present the next segment of Homelander's televised birthday special. He is wearing a completely new supersuit]
What the fuck is he wearing?!
AAnnouncer
Yeah, alright. Let's hear it for Supersonic, everybody.
Get me fucking wardrobe! Get me fucking wardrobe so I can fucking choke them out!
Alright, so now, I would like to bring out our co-captains. So let's give it up for Starlight and the man of the hour himself, Homelander! Happy birthday, Homelander.
Homelander
Hey, thank you.
Homelander
[muffled by the cheers while feigning his smile] I can see your girdle, you disgusting fat fuck! Get off the fucking stage!
ASAnnie/Starlight
Wow, I'm so honored to be with you guys tonight to celebrate my dear friend and mentor, Homelander. I'm here to do more than wish you a happy birthday, though. I'm thrilled to be announcing a project that is near and dear to my heart. The Starlight House is a nonprofit foundation dedicated to helping homeless and at-risk youth.
AHAudience Heckler
Hey, Homelander! Your Nazi died!
Did he just say his Nazi died?
SSecurity
[to audience heckler, grabbing him by shoulders] Let's go.
ASAnnie/Starlight
Homelander… He's just–He's a human. He's just like the rest of us. And we all make mistakes, right? But we all deserve second chances. In that spirit, Homelander has agreed to donate $10 million to the Starlight House, which is–I mean…
Homelander
No!
ASAnnie/Starlight
Give–Come on. Give it up!
Homelander
No!
ASAnnie/Starlight
Give it up for this guy!
Homelander
No, no, no! Starlight lied to you just now. She did. I don't make mistakes! I'm not "just like the rest of you"! I'm stronger, I'm smarter, I… I'm better! I AM BETTER! I'm not some weak-kneed fucking crybaby that goes around fucking apologizing all the time! And why the fuck would you want me to be?!
Quick, Roger! Stop rolling, go to fucking commercial! Go to fucking commercial!
Homelander
[pointing to an offscreen camera operator] Don't you DARE stop rolling, Roger! All my life, people have tried to control me my whole life. Rich people–powerful people–tried to muzzle me, cancel me, keep me impotent and obedient like I'm a fucking puppet! And you know what, it worked. Because I allowed it to work, and guess what? If they can control me, then you can bet your ass they can control you! They already do. You just don't realize it. [pause] I'm done. I am done apologizing, I am done being persecuted for my strength. You people should be thanking Christ that I am who and what I am, BECAUSE YOU NEED ME! YOU NEED ME TO SAVE YOU! You do. I am the only one who possibly can. You're not the real heroes. I'm the real hero. [beat] I am the real hero.
Homelander
[to Annie] Ashley tells me that you chose Silver Kinca… Kincaid.
Homelander
I have notes. I mean, I'm a co-captain. It's only fair I have a say in the new recruits, right?
ASAnnie/Starlight
No. Actually, I choose the new members.
Homelander
But I am pitching the craziest twist. The audience will never see it coming, right?
ASAnnie/Starlight
Well, I've made my decision.
Homelander
Oh, come on! You haven't even heard it yet! Seriously, you're–you're gonna love it. Ready?
[Ashley opens the doors and reveals…]
Homelander
Return of the Deep!
Hey. What's up, guys? How are you?
[Annie is visibly upset at seeing the Deep and his wife, Cassandra at the door]
Homelander
No, no, no, no, no. Starlight, before you say anything, doesn't Christ tell us to turn the other cheek?
CCassandra
[hugs Annie] I really want us to be sisters.
I had something made for you, Starlight. It's a peace offering. [opens a jeweler box with a gold dolphin necklace inside] It's 24-karat gold with certified conflict-free diamonds. I've put in the work. And I realize that when you've made an unforgivable mistake, the first person you have to forgive… is yourself.
ASAnnie/Starlight
What makes you think that I want a daily reminder of the guy who fucking mouth-raped me?! [to Homelander] I need a word.
Let's let these two chat, shall we?
[Ashley leads The Deep and Cassandra out of the room, leaving the door slightly ajar]
ASAnnie/Starlight
[to Homelander] Absolutely not.
Homelander
Do you really think I'm gonna let a fucking Muslim in The Seven? Captain Al-Qaeda? We're Americans.
ASAnnie/Starlight
I'm taking this to Mr. Edgar.
Homelander
My speech last night? Thirty-eight-point-six rating and a 59 share. Oh, and they're saying that the live-plus-threes are gonna be even bigger. Edgar said it himself: Popularity is power. He won't die on this hill.
ASAnnie/Starlight
[pause] Do I need to remind you of the Flight video?
[Homelander scoffs, gets up and closes the door shut]
Homelander
Go ahead. Release it. Let's light this candle, huh? I mean, sure, I'll lose everything, but then… I'll have nothing to lose. First, I'll take out the nerve centers: White House, Pentagon. Then, any domestic defense capabilities, and then critical infrastructure like cellular, Internet–that kind of thing. And then… Well, I think then I'll just wipe New York off the fucking map. For fun. I'll even throw in Des Moines and that little cousin-fucker hick town that Maeve's from, 'cause why not? See, Starlight, I'd prefer to be loved. I would. But if you take that away from me… Well, being feared is A-one okey-doke by me. So… go ahead, partner. Do it. [pause; Annie doesn't say anything] No? You don't wanna to do it? Well, then I would have to say that you have absolutely no fucking leverage because I am the Homelander… and I really can do whatever the fuck I want.
[Homelander and Annie are filming the finale of their Vought reality show]
Homelander
Well, this has been quite a long road for all of you. You've shown us the best of what heroes can be.
ASAnnie/Starlight
The first of the two selections, and the newest member of The Seven is… Supersonic.
[Supersonic walks up to the centerstage and hugs Annie]
Homelander
[shakes Supersonic's hand] Welcome.
SSupersonic
Thank you, sir.
Homelander
[in Spanish] My friend, the honor is all mine, brother. [chuckles; Supersonic is weirded out] Well... this is it. The final new member of The Seven is… [beat] Lord of the Seven Seas, The Deep!
[A spotlight shines on The Deep, who is standing behind them, far away from the stage. The other two female Supe finalists, Silver Kincaid and Moonshadow look disgusted and distraught.]
Homelander
Get up here, you!
Homelander
Welcome back.
Homelander
You, too.
[to Supersonic] Congratulations, bro.
Homelander
Alright. [to Silver Kincaid and Moonshadow] Well, unfortunately, it won't be either of you two. I'm sure you understand, you just can't put a price on experience.
ASAnnie/Starlight
Please hang up your capes and go.
Homelander
Now Deep, I gotta say, I am… Well, frankly, I'm moved and inspired that Starlight here has chosen to forgive you.
ASAnnie/Starlight
I accept your apology, Deep. You deserve a second chance.
Thank you, Starlight. Looks like we've all grown.
Homelander
Just to be clear, it wasn't my idea to bring you back, buster. Not at all. Starlight here insisted on it. But you keep your distance, pal, because… Well… [laughs] she's my girl now.
[Annie laughs uncomfortably as Homelander wraps his arm around her]
Homelander
[chuckles softly] Sorry, I–I can't keep it a secret anymore. It's time we let the world know. Starlight and I are in love. #HomeLight.
[Hughie closes his laptop after seeing the Homelight clip]
ASAnnie/Starlight
Tonight.
#Homelight. You agreed to this?
ASAnnie/Starlight
It's like what you said, Hughie. Whatever it takes. This is… This is what it takes.
[pause] Hey… [takes Annie's hand] it's gonna be okay. Really. Let me save you for once.
ASAnnie/Starlight
[sighs] Hughie… This has to work.
Homelander
[enters common room] What'll work?
ASAnnie/Starlight
Uh, my VoughtSonic speaker setup. I'm sorry, how did you get in?
Homelander
I have a key. [pause] Yeah, I gotta keep an eye on my best girl, right? By the way, you're a sound sleeper, Starlight. [pause; Annie and Hughie look shocked] Oh, look at you two. I'm kidding. Come on, lighten up. I'm joking! But we gotta go. Running late. [to Hughie] Rolling Stone cover shoot, hot issue. We got "Hottest Ship."
[Homelander takes out a Sharpie pen and signs an autograph with it on Hughie's cast]
Homelander
Don't you worry, Hughie. This little love affair is strictly for the cameras. Although, that's how me and Maeve started out, and that… [inhales sharply] got quite spicy. [laughs] Yeah, I'm not kidding, man. Let's just say that Maeve can bend a steel pipe without using her hands. [pause; chuckles] What's she like? She a good fuck?
[Annie's eyes start glowing and Hughie gradually inches up towards Homelander]
Homelander
Whoa.
ASAnnie/Starlight
Touch him or anyone he cares about, and I'll walk. And I'll take my approval points with me.
Homelander
[whispers to Hughie] Women. [to Annie] I'm kidding. You really need to lighten up, guys.
Victoria Neuman is doing a press conference tonight.
Homelander
So?
Homelander
…And you're just finding out about it now?
I'm sure it's a nothing burger. [chuckles]
Homelander
Hey, come here for a sec. [Ashley approaches him] Is your idiot brain getting fucked by stupid? It's not rhetorical. Answer me.
No. My idiot brain is not getting fucked by stupid, sir.
Homelander
[scoffs] Well, then go and do your only job and find out what the fuck is going on, Ashley!
Who asked you? Back there. Who the fuck asked you for your opinion?
[offended] I am a member of this team.
Please. [pause; looks around] Homelander's a great man, [lowers his voice] but the way that you kiss his ass is fuckin' gross.
Hey, man. Look, I get it, okay? This is tough. You know, me handpicked by Homelander to come back, and you on your way out again. And a rebrand? This late in the game? Ouch. The new A-Train… How'd that work out for Eagle the Archer when he became Eagle the Rapper? Oh, that's right; it fucking didn't. It's just sad, man.
You're like Ashton Kutcher fucked a clownfish. You're a joke. And you're so dumb, you don't even know it.
[gets in A-Train's face and whispers angrily in his ear] Oh, yeah? Well, how about I tell Homelander who really leaked all that Nazi shit on Stormfront?
How about I tell him you fished the Flight 37 video out of the Atlantic and gave it to Maeve?
[shoves A-Train] What, come on! Run at me, bro! I forgot your legs don't fuckin' work!
[A-Train punches him hard in the chest]
[doubled over in pain] You gill-punched me!
[The Deep tackles A-Train into the wall, but both collapse to the ground, groaning in pain. Homelander walks up to them]
Homelander
Boys, boys, boys…
[Homelander helps The Deep stand back up and pats him on the back, then looks down at A-Train still hunched on the ground]
Homelander
A-Train… just stay there and rest those useless fuckin' legs.
You do have a hell of a view from up here. I'll give you that.
Homelander
You should see it from space. [pause; stares at Edgar] Unbelievable. 80 over 60. Your entire life is imploding and it's as if you're reading fuckin' John Grisham. I heard about your, uh, temporary leaves of absence by the way. Those things do have a nasty habit of becoming permanent, though, don't they? Don't blame Vicky, either–
I don't. If there's one thing I taught her, it was to play all sides. She's more like me than I ever imagined. But I am curious. What did you give her?
Homelander
A little respect, Stan. Something you should've given me.
What good would that do? Where would it even go but to the bottomless, gaping pit of insecurity you call a soul?
Homelander
[shudders playfully; laughs] Oh, God. You wanna know something? I used to be intimidated by you. I did. And now I look at you, I'm just… I–I have no idea why. Truly, you're not even pathetic. You're–You're just... nothing.
Then why are you still here, looking for my approval like I'm your daddy? And even if I were, what would there be to approve of? The company is yours. No one left to stand up to you. But I think you'll come to sorely regret that.
Homelander
And why is that?
Because there's no one left to cover for you either. Eventually–probably soon–the world will recognize you for the pitiful disappointment you are. You are not worthy of my respect. You are not a god. You are simply bad product.
Homelander
I have a view I really wanna show you. It's gonna blow your mind. Hold on tight.
[Homelander carries Annie and they fly up to the rooftop of the building they walked out of]
Homelander
This really is a beautiful city.
ASAnnie/Starlight
You know, you don't need to do this. The cameras are gone.
Homelander
[laughs] Yeah. But, see, that's the thing about me, Starlight. If I promise something, I deliver. [turns Annie around and points at something offscreen] Now, that is the view of a lifetime.
[Annie is horrified to see the brutally beaten corpse of Supersonic]
ASAnnie/Starlight
Alex… Alex! Oh, my God! You fucking psycho! [her eyes start glowing]
Homelander
Stop it! You know how that ends. [brief pause; Annie's eyes return to normal] And besides, this is your fault as much as it is mine.
Homelander
A-Train told me about you two mutineers and your little plot. You just don't get it, do you? I mean, you have no fucking grasp of the situation you're in at all, right? I'm gonna break it down one more time, and I'm gonna make it crystal clear so that even you can understand it, okay? There will be no more plotting, planning, playing around. That is over, okay? From here on out, there is only my dutiful, loving main squeeze Starlight, worshipping me and me alone. Because if you step one inch out of line–I mean, if you so much as fucking blink the wrong way–then [points at Supersonic's corpse] that, my love, will be Hughie. Do you understand this time? [pause; Annie just nods and cries] Good. Then, say it. So I know. "That'll be Hughie."
ASAnnie/Starlight
That'll be Hughie.
Homelander
There it is. [sighs] Find your own way home.
Homelander
You think it really was Edgar and the mayor, maybe Jake Tapper? Just trying to fuck with me? Make me look ridiculous?
Or maybe, you're just a paranoid malignant narcissist who thinks everything is about you.
Homelander
[smiles slyly] Mmm, it's not paranoia if they're really out to get you, though. And you, Maeve... You're out to get me, aren't you?
What are you talking about?
Homelander
William Butcher. I can smell him all over you. You really will do anything to hurt me, won't you? So, what are you and William cooking up, hmm? Maybe you two brought that supervillain to town.
Oh, John. John, come on! You're talking crazy. I'm not cooking anything up with Butcher. Let's talk about this.
Homelander
Don't you dare fucking "John" me. You're not gonna weasel your way out of this. You know, the real tragic thing in all of this is that more than anyone, I knew what it was like for you. Swarmed everywhere we went. Every little mistake, front-page news. It is lonely at the top, yes. But at least we had each other. We were lonely together. And I loved you in my own... way. But you... what happened? Was anything about us ever real? Hmm?
[beat; leans forward and whispers in his ear] From the start... I hated you. But what's more... I fucking pitied you.
Homelander
You're completely and utterly alone. You're getting old and bitter. You pity me? [chuckles] That's actually kinda funny, don't you think? [leans into Maeve's face with a sinister smile] Hey… You wanna know something else that's funny?
[Homelander looks over Maeve's shoulder and raises his eyebrows. When Maeve turns to look, Black Noir suddenly attacks her.]
MHMirror Homelander
Why the long face, tiger?
Homelander
What if I can't handle him? I mean... If Noir ran–
MHMirror Homelander
Oh, you can handle him. You're the top of the food chain! Hey, hey... when we were kids, alone in the Bad Room, I got us through it, right? Don't I always?
Homelander
[nods] Always.
MHMirror Homelander
No matter what.
Homelander
No matter what.
MHMirror Homelander
And now, I'll get us through this, just as long as you and me stick together.
Homelander
What if Edgar's right? What if it was a-- a mistake to take over Vought? And then... I am just talent, and they all know I'm a fraud?
MHMirror Homelander
Now, what do you care what a bunch of mud people think? C'mon. Tell me the real reason, I wanna hear you say it. [pause; Homelander hesitates] SAY IT!
Homelander
I want them to... love me.
MHMirror Homelander
Yahtzee! Only it never seems to work out, does it? Madelyn, Maeve, Stormfront, even your own son. So why do you keep running headfirst into the same brick wall?
Homelander
[looks down and shakes his head] I don't know.
MHMirror Homelander
Mmm, pants on fire! You know. It's because, deep down, there's a part of you that is still… human.
Homelander
[on the verge of tears] No...
MHMirror Homelander
Mmm-hmm, part of you is. A dirty, shrivelled, anemic little part of you that still mewls for approval and love, and a mommy and a daddy and oh, boo-hoo-hoo!
[As Mirror Homelander says this, the real Homelander cries in shame]
MHMirror Homelander
Look at me, tiger. Look at me. We gotta cut that part of you out like a cancer. And then? Well then, my boy, you can finally be who you were always meant to be: Pure. Clean. Like marble.
The Boys · 278 quotes
