Homelander quotes from The Boys

Sister Sage

So, tell me about your relationship with Starlight. I understand you two were friends.

Friends? Um, no, I wouldn’t say that we were friends. I mean, we shared an Almond Joy from time to time.

Sister Sage

Our records show you made a phone call to the Starlight House within the past month, so…

Homelander

Are you working with her?

Uh, no, I–I was just donating some clothes.

Homelander

So why is your heart pounding like a little bass drum?

I didn’t do anything, okay? I swear.

Sister Sage

Okay. Let’s–Let’s just all calm down, okay? You’re not in trouble here, Anika. [laughs] Starlight’s the bad guy here. So, look. We’re gonna find out anyway, so you just tell us the truth. We swear you’ll be fine. [to Homelander] Right?

Homelander

Yes. Yes, I… I swear. I… I swear on the life of my son.

[pause; looks at Ashley, who nods] Okay. Yes, Starlight did call me a few days ago. She just wanted some help tracking–

Homelander

What? She confessed. Leak plugged.

Sister Sage

You don’t think the next word out of her mouth might have been useful?

Homelander

[shrugs] Guess I am that petty.

Homelander

Where have you been?

Ryan

Sorry. I flew to Coney Island to get those hot dogs.

Homelander

You’re lying.

Ryan

No, I’m not.

Homelander

You’ve been at William Butcher’s. I can smell him on you.

Ryan

I wanted to see him. [Homelander scoffs at him] He’s going through a tough time.

Homelander

Why do you care when you have everything here?! You have a home, you have a father! I’ve given you everything that I ever wanted, and it’s still not good enough for you! WHY?! You’re ungrateful. You go behind my back, you lie to me. Why? [softly] Fuck. Why am I not good enough for you?

Ryan

[stammers] No, I… It’s just Butcher–

Homelander

Butcher. You know what? If you love him so much, why don’t you get him to be your dad?

Ryan

No, I don’t want him to be my dad. You’re my–

Homelander

Enough! ENOUGH!

Homelander

Aw, fuck. Fuck.

John? John… Come here.

John, come here. You really made a mess this time, tiger.

Come on, champ. Pull yourself together. Deep breath.

For God’s sakes, look at you. A few Starlighters hate you, Ryan spends some time with Butcher, and oh boo-hoo, you’re a fucking mess!

You have to be stronger, John. For Ryan.

You still need love!

You’re pushing him away.

So much love! You still crave it!

Homelander

No, that’s not true.

You’re gonna make him weak and needy, like you.

You can still fix things. He’s your son.

He hates you. He’s gonna turn on you.

Your blood.

Everyone hates you.

It’s time to overcome this need for love–this sickness–once and for all. You’re never gonna be your true self until you transcend your humanity.

Homelander

What do I do?

You need to go back to the start.

John, you need to go home.

Homelander

Hey, Frank, come on over. How about a game of wastepaper basketball?

I’m sorry?

Homelander

Uh, first of three, and tell you what? To make it interesting: You win, I’ll let you knock off early, go see the fam.

Um, okay.

Homelander

Excellent. I’ll start.

Homelander

[pause; crumples up more paper] You know, I learned this game from you, Frank.

I don’t understand.

Homelander

I once saw you take a shot at a wastebasket, and you nailed it, and… And you don’t remember.

No.

Homelander

Yeah? [throws a second paper ball into the basket] Well, I sure do. Yeah, you–you were sitting there, and… Well, I was in this oven here. And you made the shot. You did a little fist pump to celebrate, and–and then you turned up the temperature to see if you could burn my skin. You remember that, right? [chuckles] Your turn.

Homelander

Fun fact: Even though my skin didn’t char, it still really hurt. [laughs] I mean, a lot. Yeah, I was in there, screaming in agony, and my tears just sizzled away.

Homelander

Yeah… I remember there were people standing here taking notes, but behind them I saw you make that shot. [crumples up a third piece of paper] It really was a great shot, Frank.

I was just doing my job.

Homelander

Hmm. You know, I had nightmares about that exact moment, and you can’t even remember it. It’s funny, isn’t it? How people can have such a different memory of the exact same thing. It’s all a matter of perspective, I guess. [pause] Hey, Frank. This is my last shot. [points at the oven] Why don’t you go watch from in there?

John, why don’t we–

Homelander

Homelander. Get in the oven, Frank.

[chuckling] Please.

Homelander

[opens the oven door] Get in the oven or your family goes in with you.

Please, Homelander, you don’t have to do this!

Homelander

Marty…

Homelander

Thank you.

I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.

Homelander

You’re sorry? Now? But why? You were just doing your job, right?

Homelander… Don’t do this! No!

Homelander

And I bet you would’ve won.

Oh, my God… Oh, my God!

Homelander

I forgive you.

Homelander

It’s funny. I–I remember it being so much bigger. You know why I used to call this the Bad Room?

It was just a room, John. It’s neither good nor bad.

Homelander

That’s easy to say from the other side of the door. Now–

Did you come back here just to torment those people? Doesn’t that feel a little… a little small? They were just following orders. Dr. Vogelbaum’s, Stan Edgar’s and mine.

Homelander

Yeah, but they followed them. Not one of them had the backbone to stand up and say, “This is wrong.”

‘Cause they were scared.

Homelander

I was a child.

They were scared! You know, I was there the day that you were born. They paid some poor runaway two grand to carry the embryo to term. But you lasered her guts open from the inside. You rose in the air with your umbilical cord still attached, like some creature out of myth… or nightmare. You killed three doctors and a nurse while you were at it. And then–just trust me–it was downhill from there. So, yeah. Yeah, everybody was terrified of you, from your first breath.

Homelander

But you weren’t? [chuckles]

We have no physical power over you. We never did. You could’ve broken out of here anytime you wanted. We couldn’t have stopped you. But you didn’t. [pause] Because you couldn’t stand the idea that we would be disappointed in you. Your need for approval and for love. Vought brought in the best psychologists in the world. They developed the protocol to carefully engineer that need so that you would be obedient. In many ways, that was our greatest success.

Homelander

I don’t need any of it anymore.

Doesn’t matter what you do to me or the rest of the staff here. Your need for love is so deep. It's so human, you’ll never be able to overcome that.

Homelander

That’s where you’re wrong. I’m not human, and neither is my son. And I’m going to raise him so that he knows it. You know, I really do wanna share with you why I called this the Bad Room.

Ryan

So, you’re… you’re really not mad at me?

Homelander

No. I’m proud of you for speaking your mind. Ryan… [sighs] I’ve been manipulated by people my whole life. Being told what to say, where to stand. It–It’s like being a slave, only worse. I did some reflecting, and I realized that I’ve been doing the same thing to you. But no more. From now on, no more rules. For either of us. We are both emancipated from slavery. We’re free. Sound good?

Ryan

Yeah. [chuckles]

Homelander

Yeah? Oh, buddy, I–I don’t care what anyone else thinks but you. Far as I’m concerned, this whole planet is empty. Except for you and me.

Sister Sage

[to Neuman] What happened to you? You look like you got ass-fucked by the business end of a hammer.

Well, maybe I don’t wanna be at this CPAC nightmare any more than they want me here.

Homelander

There’s gonna be a little sidebar later on. One percent of the one percent. Sage here is gonna lube them up with cognac and Montecristos, and then convince them to commit a little high treason.

I’m sorry, what the fuck? Why would I expose myself like that?

Sister Sage

Because in this room is 38% of the U.S. GDP. And if we have a shot in hell of pulling off the 25th Amendment, we need them.

Homelander

Do you wanna be el jefe or not?

Sister Sage

Good. Now, you’re the virgin at prom. Go get finger-popped.

[to Sage] I just had abortion mansplained to me by a guy who refuses to be alone with any woman who isn’t his wife… or mistress. I don’t know. I mean, cozying up to these people, you’re fucking asking me to do the impossible here.

Sister Sage

[beat] When I was eleven, my grandma was diagnosed with Stage 3 chronic lymphocytic leukemia. God… She had the biggest laugh, but she got so small so fast. She was bed-ridden. The doctors didn’t care about saving some old ex-Black Panther, and they told my parents there was nothing to be done. I stayed up the next three nights and discovered a cure. I presented my research to those satisfied fat crackers, they patted me on the head, said I was adorable and laughed at me. Grandma died screaming in pain. [pause; takes two tequila shots from a server] I could cure cancer, reverse global warming, but what’s the point? Humans are animals. And the lines at Voughtland are too long as it is. [downs tequila shot]

Why are you telling me this?

Sister Sage

Because you remember what it’s like being a little girl who no one fucking listens to. And because fuck them all. The only way women like us have ever gotten what we deserved… one hand in their pockets while the other slits their fucking throats. Now… You in or out?

Homelander

Where were you last night?

Firecracker

Starlight was at the mansion.

Homelander

What?

Firecracker

I chased her outside, but the bitch got away.

Homelander

She did?

Firecracker

Tek Knight’s dead. Probably Starlight and her friends did it. [Homelander scoffs] How do you think they knew about the party?

Homelander

Cameron Coleman wasn’t the leak.

Firecracker

So either Sage was lyin’ to you, or she’s as useless as tits on a mouse. I mean, fuck. I heard about her performance last night, sir. I just want you to know that I would–

Homelander

So… You’re the one who let Starlight get away. So how do I know that you’re not the leak?

Firecracker

When you found me… my podcast had… I dunno, a couple hundred fans. [chuckles] You know, folks laughed. Now, I’m the fucking anchor at VNN with millions of followers. And they ain’t laughin’ no more.

Homelander

I really don’t care–

Firecracker

Please, just let me finish! Now, I have spent… my whole life on the outside, lookin' in. It was you… who threw that door open for me, sir. You brought me in. God, you have given me… everything. You… are everything to me.

Homelander

Uh… What are you doing? I am not sexually attracted to you.

Firecracker

No, this ain’t about sex. No, this? This is about loyalty.

Homelander

But you’re not pregnant.

Firecracker

There’s a… long regimen of drugs a person can take to make it happen. It enlarges the heart just a tiny little bit.

Homelander

You did this for me?

Firecracker

I’d do anything for you. Anything.

Homelander

Sage… who’s the leak?

Sister Sage

We’re making inquiries. It’s a process, we’re eliminating–

Homelander

[smashes listening device with his fist] I assume you know what that is.

Sister Sage

It’s a bug.

Homelander

Specifically William Butcher’s bug. They probably heard every single word we said at Tek Knight’s. And likely killed him.

Sister Sage

They won’t go public with the information.

Homelander

And why not?

Sister Sage

Because it would short-circuit everything they really want, which is to quietly take out Neuman once and for all.

Homelander

[groans] We should slaughter Butcher and his whole fucking team.

Firecracker

Now that is a great idea, sir.

Sister Sage

Butcher will be dead in a few months anyway. And this close to go-time, I wouldn’t stir up shit with the CIA.

Homelander

Yes, yes, yes. Your illustrious fucking plan. We killed Cameron Coleman for no reason.

Sister Sage

A speed bump, but ultimately harmless.

Firecracker

Cameron golfed with Mike Lindell, who just pulled fifty million bucks worth of pillow commercials. You call that harmless?

Sister Sage

Oh, look at Daisy Duck Dynasty doing math.

Homelander

You know, Firecracker and I have been talking.

Sister Sage

Stimulating, I’m sure. [pause; Homelander glares at her] Sorry.

Homelander

You have brains, Sage, but I have wisdom. And what happens if those brains of yours get blown out again, leaving you talking like a gibbering idiot? [pause] Firecracker and I will find the leak.

Sister Sage

With respect, the last time–

Firecracker

Respect? I don’t hear no fuckin' respect. In fact, I am personally offended by the way you are talking to this great man!

Homelander

You just focus on the shooter, make sure he’s good to go on the 6th.

Sister Sage

He’ll be ready.

Homelander

Good. You may leave.

Firecracker

Homelander… Are you alright?

Homelander

[tearfully] A-Train?

Firecracker

I’m so…

Homelander

How could he do this to me?

Firecracker

I’m so sorry. You know, some folks are just… Well, they’re born uppity.

Homelander

Where is he?

Firecracker

He cut out his tracking chip. And his family’s gone, too.

Homelander

…Of course.

Sister Sage

You sent Deep and Noir after Butcher? We talked about this.

Homelander

Smartest person in the world, and you didn’t know A-Train was the leak?

Sister Sage

…I knew.

Homelander

[pause] You knew.

Firecracker

And you let us kill Webweaver for nothing.

Sister Sage

Oh, shit. You killed Webweaver? Did you think he was the leak? He was a junkie who’d confess to nailing Christ on the cross if it got him home for his next fix.

Homelander

[sighs] I was very clear. No more secrets.

Sister Sage

But A-Train only leaked exactly the information I wanted Butcher and his team to know. He was the perfect misinformation delivery system. Until now. This was all part of the plan.

Homelander

Mm-hmm. Okay. Get the fuck out of here. You’re done. Go back to your little litter box in Detroit and die alone.

Sister Sage

[stammers] You promised. You promised me you would listen to me.

Homelander

You’re lucky I’m not sending you home in a bucket. [beat] Go.

Sister Sage

Fine. [looks at Firecracker] Surround yourself with people like her. Then, you can systematically eliminate anyone who gets in your way. But there’s one person you will never, ever defeat. Good luck without me.

Firecracker

Welcome to the show, folks. We got a real happy surprise for y’all today. Homelander and Vice President-elect, Victoria Neuman. Bless both your hearts for bein' here.

I’m more than happy to find time for my friend, Homelander.

Firecracker

Yeah, let’s cut the BS. Dakota Bob says he’s gonna pass nutbag anti-Supe laws in his first hundred days.

As his VP…

…staunch ally of the super-abled community, I really think that it’s important to…

Homelander

[laughs] Ally, Victoria? Really? We’re here to tell the truth. So just… tell the truth.

The truth is that the real issue here is lack of representation. And I wanna make sure that you–

Homelander

Fine, you don’t wanna do it? I’ll do it. Victoria here is a superhero.

[chuckles] Thanks for the compliment. But, like, I think the truth is we all wanna be heroes. But I’m not literally a su–

Ashley

[gasps] Oh, fuck!

Firecracker

It’s all true. Ms. Neuman here has been operating as a secret dagger in the heart of the deep state, standing up to the forces of darkness that wanna sodomize our democracy and our toddlers. But it is time for the great awakening. Where we go one, we go Vought, y’all. We’re gonna take a quick break…

Cunt’s out of the bag, innit? Now it gets interesting.

[to Homelander] Hey! Hey, I worked my whole life to keep that secret!

Homelander

Well, secrets rot your soul. You’re unburdened. You should thank me.

Sage said–

Homelander

Fuck Sage. She’s long gone. Listen to me. Listen to me. We are gonna change the world, Vicky. For our kids and their kids. The first super-abled President. And you’re a gal.

I’ll be impeached.

Homelander

Why would we care?

Because I have to get re-elected in four years.

Homelander

Says who?

Article Two of the Constitution.

Homelander

New world, new rules. Now, shut the fuck up and listen! Our fates are connected now. Singer’s as good as dead, and I am the only fucking friend you’ve got left! The train has left the station, gorgeous. And you’re on it.

You’ll have to arrest half your company! Half the country!

Homelander

[pause] What, you think I didn’t think of that? Of course I thought of that!

Fuck!

Homelander

Ashley, on me now.

Ashley

Um, the response on socials has been mixed.

Homelander

I need you to make a list of anyone within the company that has damaging information on me or The Seven… but mostly me. Anyone with any fucking leverage whatsoever.

Ashley

Yes.

Homelander

I need this fucking list yesterday.

Ashley

Yes, sir.

Homelander

You're a good girl.

[on TV] We are interrupting our regular reporting with a breaking news story, that at… I’m sorry, I’m just looking to my producers here. Is this confirmed? [stutters] They’re telling me it has been. The Vice President-elect, Victoria Neuman, is dead. [Homelander starts tearing up] Assassinated today only hours after revealing to the world that she is super-abled…

Sister Sage

Where’s Ryan?

Sister Sage

This was all for him after all, right?

Homelander

What are you doing here?

Sister Sage

Celebrating. We won. Here.

Homelander

[sighs] Everything’s turned to shit. Plan’s dead.

Sister Sage

This is the plan. I mean, sure, a few curveballs, but we got here. Just had to keep a few bits to myself. You know, the bits you’d fuck up by… you know, being you. Neuman would have been a shit patsy–stubborn, too many ideas–so I went another way.

[on TV] …Bob Singer himself ordering the assassination.

[on TV] If you’d killed Neuman like I ordered, we wouldn’t be stuck four stories underground playing pocket pool.

[on TV] And now we go live. Okay, that’s President-elect Robert Singer taken into custody by federal agents…

[on TV] She tried to kill me first!

[on TV] …in an unprecedented turn of events that is certain to go down as one of the darkest days–

Sister Sage

Oh, it's… [offers her phone to Homelander] for you.

Homelander

Who is it?

Sister Sage

Oh, Speaker of the House Calhoun. Once they invoke the 25th, he’s next in line to be President. He’d like to pledge his allegiance to you.

Homelander

[beat; gets up] To me?

Sister Sage

Just like I promised. We had a deal.

Homelander

Yeah, well, I broke the deal.

Sister Sage

I didn’t. I told you, you could trust me, boo. I got your back.

Homelander

[pause; takes phone] I–I threw you out like… like garbage. Why would you do this?

Sister Sage

To see if I could. [pause; chuckling] Thank you. This was so much fun. Just, you know–Next time, listen to me.

Homelander

Next time?

Sister Sage

Oh, hells yeah, Blonde Ambition! Buckle up for Phase Two.

Calhoun

And that is why, as my first official act, under Article One, Section Nine of the Constitution, I’m declaring martial law and deputizing hundreds of superheroes nationwide, who will report directly to Homelander himself. To keep–

Homelander

Thank you, Mr. President. [clears throat] Victoria Neuman. She was a great American, and a dear, dear friend. Murdered, in cold blood, by deep state Starlighters embedded in our own government. Now that we have full legal authority, a veritable army of superheroes will be called upon to rout these traitors from our government and from our streets. America will be safe again. And to the Starlighters: Whatever rock you're hiding under, we're coming for you. I'm coming for you. Because today, a new age of superheroes begins.

Firecracker

We wake up to a new world. Where hope, purity and Jesus' love shine down upon us all. Where children can sleep peacefully in their mothers' arms, knowing Starlight's pedo agenda has been thwarted! Where America finally sees the woke mob for what it is: Monsters who want to destroy our heritage, traffic our children, and feminize our men! Where, with Homelander's guidance… [wipes away tears] we will all come together in unity. We will make America strong again. Proud again. And most of all, we will make America super again.

Sister Sage

We knew this would happen sooner or later. We've been ready. In the last 24 hours, we have flooded the zone with so much disinformation, people can't tell their clit from their collarbone. The share price is only down half a point. Besides that, damage is minimal.

Homelander

[points at open book] What's this?

Sister Sage

That is a Gutenberg Bible. Martin Shkreli sold it to me at discount.

Homelander

You're really on top of the world, huh? Peter Thiel, the Obamas calling you for advice. Everyone loves you.

Sister Sage

You can't really think I care.

Homelander

Maybe you didn't used to.

Sister Sage

It's all for you. The higher the share price, the happier the billionaires. The more you get to do whatever the fuck you wanna do.

Homelander

Are you aware that NNC is calling me a murderer? Saying that maybe I even did something to my son?

Sister Sage

No. Everyone knows that Ryan is... [sighs] Sorry. That he is at boarding school. In Svalbard. [chuckling] That story's holding. We're good.

Homelander

And how–how about you, Sage? Are you… good?

Sister Sage

I'm fine.

Homelander

You're not distracted at all? After Thomas Godolkin dumped you? You're not numbing the heartache by stabbing your brain?

Sister Sage

No.

Homelander

Then, just tell me. How did Starlight get in the building? [beat; exhales] I WAS HUMILIATED! As if people don't hate me enough!

Sister Sage

Your numbers are north of 96.

Homelander

Anyone can smile for the pollsters, sure, but millions of them are still Starlighters in their hearts! Where it counts! Have you seen the memes? Have you seen the memes about me?! [brief pause] Posting them should be a crime.

Sister Sage

Yes, but we can't go... [notices Homelander glaring at her] Oh, you're serious. Uh, sir... [chuckles] Ongoing conflict is useful to us. It keeps people afraid…

Homelander

Shut up.

Sister Sage

…which is exactly what we–

Homelander

No, no, no, no, no! NO! You promised me Caesar.

Sister Sage

He was stabbed by his best friends.

Homelander

Yeah, well, I can relate to that! But I need people to be devoted! To me!

Sister Sage

May I speak freely?

Homelander

Give it a shot.

Sister Sage

I told you, no matter how much power you amass, it will not make you happy.

Homelander

[pause] You know what's gonna make me happy? I think I'll be happy when Starlight and William Butcher are corpses. I want it leaked that in three days, we are going to execute Hugh Campbell, Milk, and the... French one. That'll draw out Starlight and Butcher, and then I will take care of this once and for all.

Sister Sage

Consider it done, sir.

Homelander

"Well, Annie, today marks two months. It's a little insane how much I miss you. I've been having trouble eating. Every day, I see people giving up, but not me. Because I have you." It's very, very sweet.

Hughie

They were innocent.

Homelander

Oh… [looks briefly at one of the corpses] Well, I'd hardly call them innocent. They lied to me. Played dumb about your little stash in the wall there. We've known about that for quite some time, but I just wanted to give you a little hope.

Hughie

You're not the one who gave it to me, asshоlе.

Homelander

Ooh, I like Internment Camp Hughie. She's zesty.

Hughie

Fuck you. Do it.

Homelander

What?

Hughie

Kill me.

Homelander

Not until we flush out Butcher and Starlight.

Hughie

You think they're dumb enough to just walk right into your trap?

Homelander

Let's not insult each other. We both know they're coming. [throws the journal at Hughie's feet] Do you remember when we first met?

Hughie

How could I forget?

Homelander

Believe Festival. I tried to cleanse your soul. I remember thinking... [sighs] "Why him?" What does Starlight see in this gangly simp that reeks of fear and Strawberry Smoothie kids' shampoo? You know, William and Victoria Neuman love you, too. I mean, I get it from your perspective. You're punching up. Good for you. But why are they so hopelessly devoted to such staggering mediocrity? Why would Starlight and Butcher piss away their lives to try and rescue you?

Hughie

Because I'd do it for them.

Hughie

Butcher?! Oh, fuck.

Homelander

[waves] Surprise. Welcome, William. [to Kimiko] And you. The gang is almost all here. Oh, and uh, [looks down at M.M.] you never told me that this one's nickname is... Mother's Milk. [licks his lips; laughs] Okay. So, what's the big plan? What, are you gonna sandbag me with the Godolkin virus? [Butcher looks shocked] Yes. I know all about it.

Kimiko

Suck my fat dіck!

Homelander

Hey, where's Starlight? Just doesn't feel like a party without my little lightning bug here... [pause; stares at Butcher] Jesus Christ, William. You've got a viper's nest in there. I'd heard about it, of course. But seeing it for myself, it's uh… it–it's incredible. I mean, it's fucking disgusting of course, but it's–it's beautiful. What you've done to yourself, what you've become… and you did all that for me? [pause] Now that… that is devotion. You know, William, I know we're not exactly equals, but I'm compelled to say… you are the only one that's ever challenged me. And there's a part of me that will be sad to see you go.