Robert Freeman quotes from The Boondocks

I've seen that raggedy piece of shit house. That nigga ain't lost that damn much.

I'm sorry the levees broke but if they don't get their black asses out of here, I'm gonna be broke.

GET OFF OF ME WOMAN!!!

Robert

It's a bird, it's a plane, no it's Catcher Freeman! (Catcher jumps out a tree and proceeds to kill some white men) Get them, Catcher! Looks at him go. Look out, Catcher, behind you! (Catcher throws his sword into a white man's mouth, killing him) Oh, he got that cracker! Ha Ha!

Riley

(answering doorbell) It's a nigga in a purple suit!

Robert

Who are you?

A Pimp Named Slickback

My name is A Pimp Named Slickback, and I believe I may have misplaced some merchandise at this residence. There she is. (to Cristal) Bitch I hope you got the moneys to cover this little vacation you've been takin'.

Robert

Now hold up, Slickback.

A Pimp Named Slickback

No, that's "A Pimp Named Slickback."

Robert

That's what I said - "Slickback."

A Pimp Named Slickback

No no!, It's "A Pimp Named Slickback," like A Tribe Called Quest, you say the whole thing: "A Pimp Named Slickback"!

Robert

Can we call you "Slickback" for short?

A Pimp Named Slickback

No, nigga! I'm "A Pimp Named Slickback!"

Robert

Cristal, who is this person?

A Pimp Named Slickback

NIGGA ARE YOU DEAF? I'm "A Pimp Named Slickback"! Say it with me now!

Cristal

He's my pimp!

Robert

Y-y-your pimp? So you really are a, a-

Yes, I'm/she's a ho!

A Pimp Named Slickback

C'mon bitch, now!

Cristal

A Pimp Named Slickback, can at least have a minute?

A Pimp Named Slickback

A minute?! (short chuckle in disbelief) Let us pray the pimp's prayer. (church organ playing) Lord, please pray for the soul of this bitch and guide my pimp hand and make it strooong Lord! So that she might learn a ho's place. Amen!

Riley

Amen! Yeah!

Robert

You ain't gonna hit no woman in my house!

A Pimp Named Slickback

What woman, sir? This here's a ho!

Robert

Not in this house, she's not!

A Pimp Named Slickback

Damn! Indiana Jones. I didn't know we were still whoopin', nigga. Fine. [points to Cristal as he walks out] Bitch, you got 45 seconds, then I'm leavin'. [holds up a hand, counting off] Forty-four, forty-three...

Come on Robert, what would mama say it she knew you were kickin' out your family?

SHE'D SAY GET THEM BROKE-ASS NIGGAS THE FUCK OUT!!!

You both say the word "nigga" all the time.

I do not!

Riley thought it was his name until he was three.

Uncle Ruckus

Oh, we probably gonna die any second now from one of these conditions and diseases niggas get. You name it, diabetes, gout, high blood pressure, asthma, sickle cell (Robert interrupts mid-sentence)...

Robert

Oh, Ruckus stop. This is all in your damn head,you the exact same fool you were last week. You were black then,you're black now and you're gonna be black tomorrow.(Ruckus sighs dejectedly) Ain't nothin' wrong with being black and if you give it a chance you might actually like it, Hmmm? Mmm hm?

Robert

Ruckus, what are we doing here?

Uncle Ruckus

Well, this is what niggas do,right? Buy sneakers, then maybe later we'll buy loud stereos and be-rate women in rap lyrics. (looks at a display hi-top sneaker with visible shock absorbers). Is this the shit you niggas wear nowadays? This look like a damn astronaut shoe! I'm black, I'm not walkin' to the moon! I'm walkin' to the liquor store!

Robert

Ruckus, STOP! C'mon man.

Uncle Ruckus

LeeBron James, Allen Iverson,can I get a shoe named after a white man, PLEASE?! (spots a young black male Foot Locker employee) 'Scuse me, darkie in the zebra shirt! Can I get a Bruce Jenner sneaker?

Robert

Man, to hell with this bullshit, you on your own! (walks out of the Foot Locker, leaving Ruckus behind).

Uncle Ruckus

I'm not leavin' here 'till I get me a shoe named after a white man! John Stockton, Pistol Pete Maravich, ANYBODY!

Robert

I gon' really let him have it. Show him my stuff. Give that man everything I got.

Riley

Pause.

Robert

Pause? Pause what?

Riley

You said somethin' gay, so you gotta say "no homo" or else you a homo.

Robert

But what did I say gay?

Riley

You said you was gon' give this dude everything you got. No homo.

Robert

That's not gay. I said I was gon' give the man everything I got.

Riley

Pause, Granddad. If it sound gay, its gay and you gotta say "no homo". How I know you not a homo, Granddad, if you don't say "no homo"?

Robert

I'm not sayin' "no homo".

Riley

Okay, you wanna be a homo.

Robert

Stop callin' your granddaddy a homo!

Riley

Then say "no homo"!

Robert

I don't wanna say "no homo"! Imma homo yo' ass if you don't stop sayin' pause!

Riley

...Pause.

Riley

I hate to this, Grandad. But you did look like a pussy punk bitch. You should've stuck with your story.

Robert

It was a DNA test.

Riley

Well, study next time. (Huey hits him with a book) Ow!

Grandad, there's no use beating yourself up.

Riley

Yeah, Steve Wilkos already did that.

Robert

I can't believe all this time. A son. A son named Lando.

Grandad, it's not all your fault. This doesn't make you a horrible person.

(on TV) It's all your fucking fault! You're a horrible fucking person!

Robert

Oh, why me? Why did he do this to me?

Uncle, she gone.

Robert

In my living room?! Oh, No!

(Seeing Nellie's dead body, sitting slumped in the chair) Ugh!

No, that's okay. Keep talking, keep talking, Daddy. That's the eulogy the whole woman deserves! Oh, she did this to you and now you doing it to me! You've been doing it our WHOLE lives and it's getting old! It's getting REAL OLD, Old Man, so GET IT OUT OF YOUR SYSTEM THEN SIT DOWN AND SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!

Robert

Oh, shit...

Mister

Boy, what did you say to me?

(Innocently) Um... what part in particular?

Mister

I'LL SHOW YOU "WHAT PART IN PARTICULAR"!!!

Mister

(In pain) OWWW!!! My back! It's my old injury!

He's dead!

Well, I guess Grandma Nellie got her wish.

Yes, now I can marry my white lover!

If only Mister live long enough to love the white man too.