Thugnificent [gesturing to his hometown], "Now, this right here, is where I grew up. I seen everything, man, everything. I seen a nigga get killed right over there, you know? They beat him up, stomped him, shot the dude, stomped the nigga again, and then I seen 'em take a dump on the dude. I swear to god, man, they actually, like, shot a deuce on this nigga, man! They shat on a nigga, man! And I started thinking to myself; 'Man...what'd he do to make them niggas that mad?'.
You could invite them over for dinner and get to know them...
Yeah, I... guess I could do that...
(Dream sequence)
(The Freemans are sitting, dressed up, at a candle-lit Sunday dinner. Suddenly, the door bursts open and Lethal Interjection barges in.)
Wazhappenin' nigga? Alright nigga, where da chicken wings and donuts at?!
Thugnificent
(kicks over a chair, yelling) What the fuck you got to EAT in this bitch, NIGGA?!!!?!?
(Dream sequence ends)
Uh-ummm! THAT shit ain't happenin'.
Thugnificent
(to Riley) Hey man, is this your brother?
Thugnificent
Yo nigga, your brother told us how you be all into reading and shit. Hey that’s some real good shit my nigga, for real. Congratulations nigga.
Did you just congratulate me for reading?
Word, oh yeah, man, you know? Good shit, homie, word, yaknamean? Ya know that reading shit, yaknamean, it's hard, son! Word, yaknamean? Word, yaknamean, especially when them books be, yaknmean? You know, real thick and heavy like, yaknamean? Word, yaknamean?
You don't know where I came from! I'm from a small town called Whup-A-Rebel's-Little-Narrow-Country-Ass, and you-HEY! Put that camera back over here! I ain't finished my damn line! Ya'll makin' me homesick! There, now stick that up yo' ass!
(The next three lines are said at the same time.)
Thugnificent
Eat a dick, old man! You faggot-ass, punk-ass, pussy-ass nigga!
Eat it, foo'! Eat a dick, old muthafucka! Matter of fact, eat a sack of baby dicks, muthafucka!
Fuck you, bitch-ass old man! No one likes you anyway, muthafucka!
(Granddad and Thugnificent, apparently reconciling, shake hands and hug. The press applauds)
(quietly, sourly) You still gonna pay for my lawn.
Thugnificent
(quietly, venomously) Eat a dick, old nigga.
Thugnificent
What's good with you, planet Earth? This your boy Thugnificent representing Terre-Belle, Georgia. You know I'm saying? Lethal Interjection living next to your home. Check the chain, nigga! (holds up chain) I know y'all love my music, and love my videos, and shit. But be fully prepared to drink Hella Haterade, nigga. Cause y'all 'bout to see how good it is to be me, and how bad it is to be you! We got plenty of ho's bending, we got's spinning. It's Thugnificent's crib, nigga. Let's roll. I like to give haters something to hate right when they get to the door, nigga.
DHDoorbell Ho
(orgasmically) Ding....... dong....
Thugnificent
Not nobody do it like this here, nigga. We do it real grande around here, man. Ain't nobody got one of these: A doorbell with real bitches singing the notes.
DHDoorbell Ho
(orgasmically) Ding....... dong....
Thugnificent
That's right, nigga! Whore Bell. Yeah, you know, I believe in investing in the arts. And I believe in investing in myself. Now, this shit right here, this is some old John Woo shit, nigga, from the movie killer. Know what I'm saying? That's me, though. You mad? You hating, my nigga? Well, it's hard not to, nigga. Ha-ha! You might wanna send your lady out of the room for this next one, man. She about to look at you like a serious disappointment. A living room with a motherfucking Jacuzzi, nigga. Oh, but there's more, my nigga. This is the straw that breaks the haters' camel's back, nigga. I got Hulks on tap, nigga. Observe. Shit, this one nigga came through here with his bitch - left with a case of hate poisoning, nigga. You know what I'm saying? Ay, Ay, Ay Flow, tell em about that nigga that got his spirits crushed by the rubies and and the diamonds and shit.
He killed himself, man. Took his own life and shit, Y'knamean? Suicide over some shit about his ex-girlfriend and all of that. We all knew the shit was about the diamonds and the rubies and the Jacuzzi!
Thugnificent
Now, this aquatic adventure park is especially for y'all niggas out there with your little inground pools, diving boards or whatever. Step your pool game up, nigga. We slide down with ours. You know what I'm saying? Your bitch does. Now, this right here is what I like to call my bitch tank, and this bitch is Debbie. Y'all broke niggas keep buying fish food if you want. Hey, don't sweat it, homey. 'Cause when it's time to show the world how the broke niggas live, maybe MTV will come to your house, and it'll be your turn to shine, but until then, tell your Moms to get off my dick, nigga. And get the hell up out of here, bitches.
Thugnificent
Now Riley, I want you to know even though we're doing it real grand, if this rap shit don't work, we runnin' up in nigga's houses!
(The Lethal interjection crew all voice their approval)
We gonna be hittin' the street, son! Movin' mad rock all day, sellin' that real heavy drug shit!
(The crew shout their approval louder)
LLenny
Or we be flippin' those burgers at Wendy's, my nigga!
(The room falls silent)
LLenny
...know what I mean? With the fries and shit, I do whatever nigga! Shakes, all that "extra ketchup? Here, you need some napkins?" You feel me?
(More silence. Everyone just glares at Lenny)
Man what the fuck is you talkin' about?
Thugnificent
What the fuck was that?
(Everyone else grumbles insults)
LLenny
I'm sorry man, I wasn't thinkin' about it. I shoulda said, like... Burger King...
(Thugnificent glares)
Thugnificent
Riley, why you didn't tell us someone jacked yo' chain?
I didn't want y'all to think I couldn't handle my shit like a man.
FFlownominal
Riley, that's the whole point of bein' in a crew, nigga! So you ain't never gotta handle yo' own shit like a man!
The Boondocks · 205 quotes
