(answering doorbell) It's a nigga in a purple suit!
(Cristal hides as Robert walks to the door)
A Pimp Named SlickbackMy name is A Pimp Named Slickback, and I believe I may have misplaced some merchandise at this residence. There she is. (to Cristal) Bitch I hope you got the moneys to cover this little vacation you've been takin'.
A Pimp Named Slickback
No, that's "A Pimp Named Slickback."
That's what I said - "Slickback."
A Pimp Named Slickback
No no!, It's "A Pimp Named Slickback," like A Tribe Called Quest, you say the whole thing: "A Pimp Named Slickback"!
Can we call you "Slickback" for short?
A Pimp Named Slickback
No, nigga! I'm "A Pimp Named Slickback!"
Cristal, who is this person?
A Pimp Named Slickback
NIGGA ARE YOU DEAF? I'm "A Pimp Named Slickback"! Say it with me now!
Y-y-your pimp? So you really are a, a-
CHCristal/Huey/Riley
Yes, I'm/she's a ho!
A Pimp Named Slickback
C'mon bitch, now!
A Pimp Named Slickback, can at least have a minute?
A Pimp Named Slickback
A minute?! (short chuckle in disbelief) Let us pray the pimp's prayer. (church organ playing) Lord, please pray for the soul of this bitch and guide my pimp hand and make it strooong Lord! So that she might learn a ho's place. Amen!
(A Pimp Named Slickback then draws his hand back to strike her, but Granddad's belt lashes out and catches his wrist.)
You ain't gonna hit no woman in my house!
A Pimp Named Slickback
What woman, sir? This here's a ho!
Not in this house, she's not!
[A Pimp Named Slickback looks at Robert, surprised but impressed]
A Pimp Named Slickback
Damn! Indiana Jones. I didn't know we were still whoopin', nigga. Fine. [points to Cristal as he walks out] Bitch, you got 45 seconds, then I'm leavin'. [holds up a hand, counting off] Forty-four, forty-three...
Hey Tom? Tom? Get down here.
(walks into living room) Uh, what's going on guys?
A Pimp Named Slickback
Uh, Mr. Dubois, My name is A Pimp Named Slickback, and this sir, is an intervention.
A Pimp Named Slickback
Your friends have reason to believe that you are suffering from chronic Bitch Dependency Mr. Dubois. May I call you Tom?
(looks around room) Is this some kind of joke?
A Pimp Named Slickback
Tom, Bitch Dependency is no laughing matter. Addiction to a bitch can fuck with your friends, your health, and scary enough, even you money. It's a disease Tom.
Wait, what did you say your name was, again?
A Pimp Named Slickback
Well thank you for asking, my name is A Pimp Named Slickback.
A Pimp Named Slickback
(interrupting) --Named Slickback, yes. Please say the whole thing, if you would. Yes, that includes the "A Pimp Named" part. Yes, Tom, every time.
Look Mr. A Pimp Named Slickback--
A Pimp Named Slickback
(interrupting again) --No need for the "Mister".
I-I don't think I need any help from (scoffs) someone like you.
A Pimp Named Slickback
And by (scoffs) 'someone like me', you mean a pimp, a bad guy?
Now look, I'm not trying to insult you, I just don't approve of what you people do to women.
A Pimp Named Slickback
(jeering) Ooooh! So I'm wrong! So I'm messed up! We'll which one of us is the one missing a bitch, Tom? You don't see me running around lookin' for a bitch! I know where all of my bitches are, thank you very much! (dials number) Bitch where you at?! (ho speaks) I'm out here, gettin' yo money! (Slickback retorts) That's what the hell I thought, thank you grandma! (to Tom) Now look at you! Bitchless! Sans bitch, as the French in France would say!
(visibly annoyed) I've had enough! I'm going back upstairs!
Tom! Tom, when we first let you stay here, we thought it was only gonna be temporary. But damn! Tom, I just don't see any end in sight!
It's only been two days--.
(interrupting) --Nigga, hush! You're living under my roof now. If you stay here, you're going to get some help.
You know what? I know a great therapist. I'll make an appointment today!
(slowly)That, also would have been a good idea but, we've already paid Mr. A Pimp Named Slickback a retainer of 2,500 dollars.
Robert, you shouldn't have.
A Pimp Named Slickback
So you see, my dearest Riley, it is this instinctive and burning need to procreate between a man and a bitch that not only keeps the human race going but also fuels many important industries such as my very own.
So what do you think about Homies Over Hoes?
A Pimp Named Slickback
Is that something at Denny's? I don't know what that is.
Homies Over Hoes? You know, like, you supposed to put your homie over a ho. That's how pimps do, right?
A Pimp Named Slickback
I don't think Homies Over Hoes is a sentiment that A Pimp Named Slickback can cosign, Riley. I mean don't get me wrong. A Pimp Named Slickback would put a lot of things over a ho. Money over a ho? Always. Brand new gators over a ho? Absolutely. A turkey sandwich with just tomato? Guaranteed. But homies? Oh no. A Pimp Named Slickback don't do shit for the homies. Let me reiterate. Don't do shit for the homies. Unless the homie wanna walk that stroll and get that money, a homie ain't gettin' a goddamn thing. And the same goes for brothers, peeps, dudes, fellas, dunnies, comrades, whatever the fuck niggas is callin' each other nowadays. Sound like some gay shit to me.
The Boondocks · 205 quotes
