So y'all was in Iraq together?
Gin RummyYeah we was in Iraq.
Gin Rummy
We was looking for weapons of mass destruction.
....Did you ever find them?
Gin Rummy
You know goddamn well we ain't find 'em. What are you some kinda POLITICAL HUMORIST?! You GARRY TRUDEAU up in dis bitch?!?!
I was lookin' for bitches but they had that carpet shit all over them and I couldn't see what they look like. All that was really exposed was the eyes and that wasn't enough for me, cause you know shit I'm lookin' at the eyes, the eyes be pretty and I take the carpet off and then I got a tragedy.
Gin Rummy
But nah we ain't find 'em. but I always say the absence of evidence is not the evidence of absence.
Gin Rummy
Simply because you don't have evidence that something does exist does not mean that you have evidence that something doesn't exist.
Gin Rummy
What country you from?
Gin Rummy
"What" ain't no country I ever heard of. They speak english in "What"?
Gin Rummy
ENGLISH, MUTHAFUCKER!! DO YOU SPEAK IT!?
Gin Rummy
So you understand the words I'm sayin' to you.
Gin Rummy
Well what I'm sayin' is that there are known knowns and that there are known unknowns but there's also unknown unknowns. Things we don't know that we don't know.
Gin Rummy
SAY WHAT AGAIN! SAY WHAT AGAIN! I DARE YOU! I DOUBLE DARE YOU MUTHAFUCKER! SAY WHAT ONE MORE TIME!
(Rummy and Ed III watch Officer Frank closely as he and Ed III approach the counter.)
Rummy
(to Ed) Watch my back, I got yo front.
(Rummy and Ed III place the cartons on the counter.)
CClerk
Hey Ed, Rummy my close friends and allies it is good to see you.
CClerk
Hey slow your roll chief. You guy have to pay for that first.
Damn! Chill out, Aladdin Hussein. You know I'm good for it.
CClerk
Hey guys you know the rules. No exceptions, cash only.
(Rummy and Ed look back at Officer Frank)
Look, he got a weapon! (pulls out his hand gun and points it at the clerk)
Rummy
Whoa, wait a minute now, (points his M-16 at the clerk) Put the gun down.
CClerk
Gun? What gun? I'm not holding a gun. Guys, it's me. Ed, your father help me build this store.
Rummy
I DON'T KNOW YOU MUTHAFUCKER! NOW, PUT DOWN THE WEAPON, PUT IT DOWN!!
CClerk
There is no weapon, look!
Rummy
DROP THE WEAPON!!
FOfficer Frank
(trembling nervously) I-- I don't see a weapon!
There is no weapon, they're robbing the store!
CClerk
I am not holding a weapon! I AM NOT HOLDING A WEAPON!
Rummy
OFFICER, THIS MUTHAFUCKER GOT A GUN POINTED AT YOU!! YOU WANNA DIE!?
Rummy
DO-YOU-WANNA-DIE!?
FOfficer Frank
I-I DON'T WANNA DIE!
Rummy
HE DOES HAVE A GUN, TRUST ME!! THE ABSENCE OF EVIDENCE IS NOT THE EVIDENCE OF ABSENCE!!
FOfficer Frank
I-I DON'T SEE A GUN!
Man, fuck this shit! (points his gun at Officer Frank.) Whose side you on? Mine, or this muthafucker who's obviously of terrorist descent?
FOfficer Frank
Wait, I think I can see the gun now!
Rummy
GOOD, NOW ALL SEE THE WEAPON!! NOW YOU HAND OVER THAT WEAPON ON THE COUNT OF THREE, OR I SWEAR TO ALL MIGHTY GOD, I'LL BLOW YOUR FUCKIN' HEAD OFF!! ONE!!
CClerk
I CAN'T GIVE YOU A WEAPON I'M NOT HOLDING!! YOU'RE THINKING OF THE KOREAN SHOP, NORTH OF HERE!
Rummy
TWO!!
FOfficer Frank
Is he... still holding it!?
He-is-not-holding-a-weapon!
Rummy
TIMES UP!!
Gin Rummy
Man, I don't get that.
Gin Rummy
That textin' shit!
EWEd Wuncler
And what's wrong with textin'?
Gin Rummy
You mean aside from the fact that it's the stupidest fuckin' thing in the world? I mean, why would anyone in their right mind spend fifteen minutes tryin' to type some shit they could've called and said in five seconds? Plus, it involves typing with your thumbs, which I just don't approve of. Shit, I don't know about you, but I don't have time to read nothin' that a mothafucka typed with his thumbs. Fun fact: Nothing typed by someone's thumbs has ever been important. It's all just Nigga Technology anyway.
Gin Rummy
Nigga Technology. Technology for Niggas. And you don't start trippin' and shit, call me a racist. 'Cause I don't mean Nigga in a disrespectful way, I-I mean it as a general term for an ignorant motherfucker. Anybody of any race can be an ignorant motherfucker.
EEd
Shit, I be textin' my ass off, shit, bitches like text! I be textin' 'em all the time; 'matter of fact, I also be textin' my weed man, too, cause, you know, he don't like to be on the phone, so I text 'im!
Gin Rummy
...Case in point.
Gin Rummy
So basically, Nigga Technology is anything that doesn't plug into a printer. Does that plug into a printer?
Gin Rummy
Know why? 'Cause niggas never have anything to print.
Gin Rummy
What up?
Gin Rummy
Yeah, I see you too. Whatcha want, Nigga?
Aw man, same shit. What's up with you?
Gin Rummy
Da fuck you mean "what's up with me"? I'm sitting right here next to you.
Voice sound real sexy right now...
Gin Rummy
Say what?!
You wanna talk to me later on?
Gin Rummy
No, I don't wanna talk later on motherfucker! WHAT DA FUCK IS WRONG WIT YOU?! WHAT DA FUCK'S SO SEXY ABOUT MY VOICE?!
(Reveals the Bluetooth on his left ear) Ah man, my bad, I was on the phone.
Gin Rummy
Great, you got one of those ridiculous fucking headset.
Okay, now last week I was in the strip club, right? I had titties in one hand, titties in the other hand, I had two hands full of titties. That's bigger than two scoops of raisins; I'm still talking to my accountant at the same time. What's not to like about that?!!
Gin Rummy
Okay, first of all, I don't know when you talkin' to me, or when you talkin' on the god damn phone. Second, when people wear those thing, they appear to be talkin' to theirselves, there's a name for people who talk to theirselves, Ed... they're called the homeless!
Man, bitches love this Bluetooth shit, it changed my life! I don't know what to do with my hands now!
Gin Rummy
Be that as it may, no technology is worth my dignity. If talking on a wireless headset means I gotta look like Buck Rogers, then I'm not interested. Besides, there's a reason why people hold a phone to their head, Ed; it lets people around you know your talking on the phone. So those people know not to waste time talking to ya until you finish, which you indicate, by putting that mothafucka away!
You see, I'm what they call tecno-savvy. I fucks wit da future
Gin Rummy
Yeah, the problem is we don't live in the future, Ed, we live in the present, and in the present that shit looks ridiculous. It's not a cybernetic ear, it's a fucking cell phone headset. The only thing you gonna do wit da thing is call a bitch and unless the bitch is a Martian, there ain't no explanation for that shit to look that damn high-tech. Have you seen that shit in the mirror? You look like you're going to a fucking comic book convention!
The Boondocks · 205 quotes
