Amy Farrah Fowler quotes from The Big Bang Theory

Sheldon

I'm just worried that if I don't schedule our bedroom endeavors, then I may not think about them, and you'll grow cold and distant and seek solace in the arms of a heavily-muscled long Shore man.

Amy

Where would I find a long Shore man?

Sheldon

Along the Shore. It's in the name.

Amy

Sheldon, I couldn't be with anybody but you.

Sheldon

That's good to know. I wouldn't want to have to fight a man who's brave enough to touch a fish.

Amy

How's this for a compromise; make all the schedules you want. Just don't tell me about them.

Sheldon

Excellent. I'll create an algorithm that'll generate a pseudo-random schedule. And do you know why it won't be a true random schedule?

Amy

Because the generation of true random numbers remains an unsolved problem in computer science.

Sheldon

Come with me.

Amy

Where are we going?

Sheldon

To the hotel room. And when we get there I'm gonna need you to say that again, except naked.

Amy

So, do you know what it is?

Of course I know what it is. It's a silicon dioxide crystal, also known as quartz.

Sheldon

Are you sure?

Am I sure? Is basalt a mafic extrusive of igneous rock formed by the rapid cooling of magnesium and iron-rich lava? Yeah, I'm sure.

Amy

Hey. Wait a minute, what about us? I mean, we're married now. Maybe we want to buy the house next door.

Sheldon

Well, Amy, we can't move. I'd have to change all the tags in my underwear.

Amy

You can buy new ones.

Sheldon

New house, new underwear. What am I, in the Witness Protection Program?

Amy

Hey, watcha doing?

Sheldon

[on his laptop] Improving our wedding photos.

Amy

Oh, that's nice. Wait, I'm still in them, right?

Sheldon

Of course. And not only you. I've added some guests who couldn't be there.

Amy

[sitting down and looking at the screen] Who's that next to my father?

Sheldon

The Wright brothers.

Amy

And why are they at our wedding?

Sheldon

Orville, because I admire him; Wilbur, because he was Orville's plus-one.

Leonard

What were you guys giggling about?

Penny

They were passing notes to each other.

Leonard

Oh-ho, love notes?

Penny

If you love math.

Sheldon

And we do.

Amy

It's for our super-asymmetry theory.

Sheldon

Yeah, Amy and I have been having so much fun collaborating together.

Penny

Well, you know what they say, you never collaborate as much as your first year of marriage.

Amy

Are you really gonna plan a wedding in three months?

Yeah, well, her family's doing most of the work. They're amazing. We talk all the time.

Sheldon

Why?

Because we're about to get married and they're gonna be my family.

Sheldon

Amy and I are married, and I never talk to her family.

Penny

Really? My parents love Leonard.

Leonard

Yeah. And my mother loves Penny, which is weird, because I never knew she could love.

Amy

You're up early.

Sheldon

Huh? Yes. I wanted to get a jump on planning a day of fun for you.

Amy

Oh, that's sweet. What are we doing?

Sheldon

Oh, no, just you. I have other plans. Now, would you prefer to see The Grinch in 2D or 3D?

Amy

I don't wanna see it at all.

Sheldon

Well, let's go 2D. No sense in spending extra money.

Amy

What are you gonna be doing?

Sheldon

Being a great husband.

Amy

Yeah, you're gonna need to show your work on that.

Amy

Why can't we get a grad student to do it?

Sheldon

We can't trust our paper to a millennial. They'll put unicorn emojis all over it and post it on social media.

Amy

Why would they do that?

Sheldon

Economic anxiety, too much avocado toast, who knows?

Amy

Is that your dad?

Sheldon

It is.

Amy

I've only seen pictures of him.

[on the tape] I know we're down, by a lot. And if I'm being honest with you, we're probably not gonna win this one. In fact, we're definitely not gonna win this one.

Amy

Do you want me to turn it off?

But we're not gonna quit, either. And if we do lose, you need to know that doesn't make you losers. You learn as much about who you are and what you're made of from failing as you do from success. Maybe more. So you can spend the next half feeling sorry for yourselves, or you can get out there and give 'em hell.

Yeah! Let's give 'em hell!

Oh... watch your mouth, your mom might...

Sheldon

[pausing the tape] I remember that game.

Amy

Did they win?

Sheldon

Oh, no. No, they lost so bad, the other team let one of their cheerleaders try to kick a field goal.

Penny

Champagne, a champagne, a champagne with a packet of Splenda in it.

Sheldon

You know what I call this drink?

Penny

A waste of champagne?

Sheldon

No. A Dr. Cooper. Because...

Amy

He is also sweet and bubbly.

Leonard

A toast to Sheldon and Amy and the publication of your super-asymmetry paper. We are so proud of you guys. Cheers.

Amy

Thanks.

Penny

Yay.

Sheldon

Ooh! That is PhD-licious.

Welcome to the inner sanctum.

Sheldon

Oh, I do love a good sanctum.

Amy

Sheldon, look at my fruit plate. It's got kiwi on it.

Sheldon

Ugh. I don't like kiwi.

Amy

Neither do I, but it's so fancy.

Bernadette

So Leonard's really considering this?

Penny

Yes. We got in a huge fight about it. He said, well, if I don't want to have his baby, then why shouldn't someone else be able to? Do you believe that? What?

Bernadette

Well, there is a deep-seated biological drive to pass on your genes. It's only natural.

Penny

So you're on his side?

Amy

Well, viewing Leonard as a mammal, it's perfectly understandable.

Bernadette

But viewing him as your husband, he stinks.

Amy

And we hate him.

Amy

Maybe you should.

Sheldon

What?

Amy

This has been your lifelong dream. And you may not get another chance. I don;’t want to be the reason that you don’t win a Nobel.

Sheldon

You’re the only reason I deserve one.

Amy

But if your best shot is with them I think you should take it.

Sheldon

Is this what you really want me to do?

Amy

I want you to be happy.

Sheldon

Thank you. [Hugs Amy]

Leonard

Penny, doesn't want to have kids. I can respect that. But this is my chance to leave a little part of me behind.

Amy

Okay, but this isn't going to make you a dad. It's gonna be their baby, not yours.

So you really think you can trick Sheldon into liking babies?

Amy

I slept with him. I married him. You want to bet against me?