You guys ever thought of getting a dining room table?
Yeah, you actually do have room for one up there.
Oh sure! I sit on the floor for years, no one cares. The pretty white girl sat 10 seconds and suddenly we’re all running to IKEA.
No one is running anywhere. We're not getting a dining room table.
I know you don't like change, but it's not a terrible idea.
You guys never use that space up there. Why not get a table?
Do you want the long answer or the short answer?
HowardHow come we never get that option?
Chaos theory suggests that even in a deterministic system if the equation is describing its behavior in non-linear, a tiny change in the initial conditions can lead to a cataclysmic and unpredictable result.
[Imitating a baby] Wah! I don't want a table!
We were making fun of failed careers. We didn't get to tap the juicy vein that is Howard's.
Howard
Hey, I work at the same university you do!
Yes, and Hawkeye's in the Avengers, but no one ever says "Help, Hawkeye!"
Howard
We can't show up to your mom's empty-handed. We should bring something.
I already am. I'm bringing the gift of knowledge.
Howard
Oh boy.
Despite what her bible says, recent archaeological studies indicate that although camels are referenced in the Old Testament, they didn't exist in the Middle East until hundreds of years later.
Howard
I was gonna say we'd pick up a cake or a pie, but an insult to her faith is always thoughtful.
Okay, here we go. Episode I: The Phantom Menace.
Let's get this over with.
Howard
Since we all agree episode I isn't our favourite, maybe we just skip it this time?
Yeah Howard, I think you of all people should avoid espousing the principle that if something is not our favorite, we should just get rid of it.
I recently read that during World War Two, Joseph Stalin had a research program to create supersoldiers by having women impregnated by gorillas.
Howard
What a sick use of science.
Hey, as long as the baby's healthy.
I wonder if Stalin considered any other animals.
Hippos are the deadliest creature. A half-human, half-hippo soldier would be pretty badass.
Howard
Yes, but when they're hungry-hungry, you can stop them with marbles.
Yeah, the correct animal for interspecies supersoldier is koala. You would wind up with an army so cute it couldn't be attacked.
Maybe we have lost our focus.
Howard
It wouldn't kill us to get together and brainstorm ideas.
Oooh... We could have one of those retreats.
Like our own science retreat.
Howard
My cousin has a cabin out in the woods.
I'm not going to a cabin in the woods. Did you see the movie Cabin in the Woods?
Then we'll go to a hotel.
A hotel? Did you see The Shining?
We could go up to Big Bend, get a house on the lake.
Did you see The Lake House?
Nothing bad happens in The Lake House.
Well no, not to them, to me! Time-traveling mail box. The only time that traveled was an hour and a half of my life down the toilet.
Fine, then we'll just stay here and do it.
Well you didn't suggest a beach house.
You would go to a beach house?
Good Lord no! Have you seen Jaws?
[Howard and Bernadette come in from the back room, mid-conversation]
Howard
...I'm sorry, but it's making me crazy.
Can you please just let it go?
Ooh, I can help you with that. Imagine you're holding an ordinary pen - while your favourite pen is safe and secure in your pocket.
[Howard's phone rings]
Howard
Hold that thought. [goes off to answer it in the next room] Hello?
[To Leonard and Penny] How can I make this up to you?
[angrily putting both fists together] The answer is in this puzzle box, let's see if you can open it!
[She and Leonard walk away, while Bernadette goes to Stuart]
You could have at least warned him about the furniture.
That's what I said when we moved it!
[sarcastically] No. Stuart picked up those three pillows all on his own.
[Howard returns from his phone call, looking visibly shaken]
Howard
[in a dazed voice] No...
Howard
...My mom died.
[All heads turn towards him in shock]
Howard
That was my aunt. Ma took a nap and... She never woke up.
[beginning to cry] Oh my God, Howie...
[She embraces him, while the rest of the group solemnly gather round, Penny visibly looking on the verge of tears as well]
Howard
I don't know...
[He sits down in an armchair and buries his face in his hands]
[sadly] Not right now, Sheldon.
But I think it would be comforting.
Howard
It's okay... [looks up at him] What?
When I lost my own father, I didn't have any friends to help me through it. You do.
[Howard gives him a weak smile, while the others remain in shocked silence, both from the news and the fact that Sheldon has said something genuinely supportive]
[breaking down] I really thought he was gonna say "let it go."
The Big Bang Theory · 597 quotes
