Scenes with Leonard Hofstadter 264
Okay, Sheldon and Amy are still pretty upset about their theory being disproved.
Leonard So we have made a list of subjects for everyone to avoid.
Leonard Asymmetry.
Oh, SimCity. Sounds too much like symmetry.
Leonard That also applies to The Simpsons , Simba from The Lion King , and cymbals.
Russia or Russian in any context. The country, the dressing, the roulette.
Leonard Uh, also, no talk of Rocky IV .
Because he fights a Russian. I'm sorry about her.
Champagne, a champagne, a champagne with a packet of Splenda in it.
You know what I call this drink?
No. A Dr. Cooper. Because...
He is also sweet and bubbly.
Leonard A toast to Sheldon and Amy and the publication of your super-asymmetry paper. We are so proud of you guys. Cheers.
Ooh! That is PhD-licious.
Leonard So are you saying you're okay with this?
I don't know, but when I told you I didn't want kids you didn't have a say in that, so maybe I don't need to have a say in this.
Leonard Thank you.
They couldn't have picked a better person.
Aren't you always saying it's about the work, not more money or a better title?
Leonard All the smart things I say, and you remember the dumb one.
Okay, that’s my dad. Now remember, don’t bring up any baby stuff. All right? Not me wanting one, not you having one with Zack.
Leonard Got it.
And if he brings it up, just change the subject to literally anything else.
Leonard Got it.
But not the Cornhuskers, Do not discuss the Cornhuskers.
Leonard Is that a sports team?
Leonard Penny, doesn't want to have kids. I can respect that. But this is my chance to leave a little part of me behind.
Okay, but this isn't going to make you a dad. It's gonna be their baby, not yours.
Leonard Kevin Smith was there, and-and, uh, this really tall guy named Kareem.
Wait, wait, K-Kareem Abdul-Jabbar?
Leonard I don't know, it was, uh, Kareem something Jabbar. How do you know him?
Leonard Well, I know him now 'cause he was there.
Leonard Oh, a-and that, uh, the guy who played the werewolf on-on True Blood , he was there.
Leonard Uh, yeah.
Leonard What's that?
[showing him a photo] Okay, okay. Did he look... like this?
Leonard He had his clothes on, but yeah.
Leonard Professor Thorne.
KT Professor Kip Thorne
Dr. Hofstadter.
Leonard Uh, you know my wife Penny.
Leonard Uh, we wanted to talk to you about Dr. Cooper. Now before you say no...
Leonard Well, then after you say no…
Okay, look, Sheldon a paint in the ass… but Dr. Fowler is really nice. So if you average them out... math... you've got someone who's really okay.
Leonard But more than the person, the Nobel is about the work. You should understand that more than anybody.
Yes, because of your work on gravitational waves.
T Thorne
You know my work?
I do. I'm really hogging the conversation, Leonard?
Leonard Just give them a chance. Science has a history of difficult people. Look at Newton who was a jerk to Leibniz, and Leibniz who was a jerk to everyone.
Yeah, and you know, I don't need to tell you that gravitational waves are disturbances in the curvature of space-time. And that the... Hey, you worked on the movie Interstellar ?
He is a textbook satisficer.
Leonard That's not even a word.
Uh, yes it is. According to Nobel Prize winning economist Herbert Simon, satisficing is the decision-making strategy whereby a person accepts wherever available option is satisfactory rather than seeking out the action that would make him happiest, as I just did when I explained what satisficing is.
If this is what he wants, he should ask for it. I mean, what's the worst that happens? They say no.
Leonard Well, I'm not going to let them say no. If they don't want me to quit, this is what it's gonna take.
Leonard Yeah, it's like you said, I have to go after what I want, and if I can't get that at Caltech, there are plenty of other universities in the world.
In the world? I can't even get you to the beach and now you want to move to the world?
Leonard Well I don't want to, if that's what I have to do.
Okay, don't you think threatening to quit your job is something you should run by me first?
Leonard You said I shouldn't worry about your feelings.
I meant feelings about things that I don't care about.
Leonard Can't believe it. Sheldon loves telling on people when they break the rules.
Yeah, well, maybe, he's changed.
Leonard He hasn't changed. Last week when the vending machine gave me two bags of chips he called my mom.
Well, that didn't ruin your life.
Leonard Well, it ruined my day. And I had to talk to my mom, who by the way is polyamorous now. So that's fun to think about.
Look, I'm proud of Sheldon and Amy. You know, they want to win on their own merits, not by knocking out the competition.
Leonard Yeah, but what if they don't win. Pemberton and Campbell have done an amazing job associating their names with super-asymmetry. They have all the momentum right now.
I don't like the idea of them losing either, but this is their decision to make, not ours.
Leonard Maybe it is ours.
Leonard Well, if Sheldon and Amy don't want to expose Pemberton, that doesn't meant that someone else can't do it for them. They never have to know.
Leonard They deserve the Nobel. I’m not gonna let two frauds steal it from them. And if it means getting my hands dirty, then so be it. [Penny laughs.] What's so funny?
Just realized I've never actually seen your hands dirty.
Leonard Oh, my god!
I know. Can you believe it?
That's a good point. What if I'm dreaming? [Leonard slaps him hard and everyone gasps] We won the Nobel Prize!
[covering his mouth] Unclean! Unclean!
Leonard He thinks you're sick.
Leonard Well, if we don't, he might try and jump out of the plane.
Yeah. Doesn't answer my question.
You're right, I can't catch that.
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The Big Bang Theory · 597 quotes
Leonard
