Leonard Hofstadter quotes from The Big Bang Theory

Leonard

What are you doing?

Penny

Making a boat. When I was a kid, my dad showed me how.

Leonard

Boy, you'll do anything to avoid reading.

I'm Rajesh Koothrappali. Thank you for taking a walk with me... through the stars.

Leonard

That pause seems to get longer every time.

Howard

I do believe... you're right.

[Showing a picture on his phone] It's me in bed with a beautiful woman, and my watch showing the time as 2:30 AM.

Leonard

So, State's Exhibit A?

Sheldon

Howard, I want you to know I forgive you.

Howard

Thanks, I'll take it.

Leonard

Do you even know what he's forgiving you for?

Howard

Don't know, don't care. Happy Yom Kippur to me.

Leonard

What you got there?

Penny

Oh, I grabbed a sandwich at the food truck out front.

Sheldon

Wait, n-now hold on. Tonight is Friday, and I believe you know what that means.

Penny

That my fun, young life took a drastic turn somewhere?

Sheldon

No.

Leonard

But yeah.

Sheldon

No, that means it's Chinese food night.

Penny

Yeah, and you have Chinese food, so eat it.

Sheldon

But I can smell your pastrami.

Howard

And we can all hear your complaining, so no one's happy.

Oh, my God! This tomato is amazing! I can eat it like an apple.

The secret is I fertilze it with my own manure.

Howard

The look on your face.

Leonard

It's a sort of grin. You wanna know which kind?

Leonard

What are you doing?

Amy

Pigeon check for Sheldon. All clear on the north side!

Sheldon

Okay, let's look at some planets!

Leonard

So, wait, y-your brother is Dr. Tire?

Sheldon

Yes, and apparently, it only takes half a semester of community college to get that particular doctorate.

Leonard

We passed three of these stores on the way here. Why did you say he's just some loser who sells tires?

Sheldon

You're right, that was unfair. He's a loser who sells more tires than anyone in Texas.

Penny

Now we got a lot of family coming in tomorrow. I'm gonna need everyone's help. Think of this as one of your comic book movies. There's a bunch of superheroes, each with a different task.

Oh, like the new Avengers

Bernadette

Which one was that?

Howard

The one you slept through last weekend.

Bernadette

Ah. That was a good nap.

Amy

I think it's more like, uh,... like Lord of the Rings, and you're the Fellowship. Someone's gotta go to Gondor, someone's gotta go to Mordor, someone's gotta hold off the Demon of Shadow and Flame.

Leonard

You mean the Balrog?

Amy

I mean my mother.

If Tam knows what he did, we can just ask him. He's gonna be on campus tomorrow showing his son around.

Leonard

Won't that make Sheldon mad?

Everything makes Sheldon mad.

Howard

Yeah. Look at his list. Jim Henson for, quote, "putting a terrifying, giant yellow bird on television and in my nightmares."

Leonard

What were you guys giggling about?

Penny

They were passing notes to each other.

Leonard

Oh-ho, love notes?

Penny

If you love math.

Sheldon

And we do.

Amy

It's for our super-asymmetry theory.

Sheldon

Yeah, Amy and I have been having so much fun collaborating together.

Penny

Well, you know what they say, you never collaborate as much as your first year of marriage.

Leonard

Oh, my God, you look amazing.

[dressed as "Kuth" Bader Ginsburg] I find you guilty of murder, because you are killing it!

Howard

[imitating Sheldon] Well, technically, the Supreme Court wouldn't determine a defendant's guilt or innocence in a criminal matter. They could only reverse or revamp a jury's conviction based on a constitutional or statutory issue.

Sheldon

[seeing Leonard and Raj laughing] Why are you laughing? His statement was factually correct.

Leonard

Wait, you can make this decision. You don't care if you upset people. You can pick for me.

Sheldon

I certainly could.

Leonard

Oh, great.

Sheldon

But I won't. I think this is a learning opportunity for you.

Leonard

Sheldon, come on.

Sheldon

Oh, I'm sorry. Did I upset you?

Leonard

Yes.

Sheldon

Ask me how I feel about that.

Amy

Are you really gonna plan a wedding in three months?

Yeah, well, her family's doing most of the work. They're amazing. We talk all the time.

Sheldon

Why?

Because we're about to get married and they're gonna be my family.

Sheldon

Amy and I are married, and I never talk to her family.

Penny

Really? My parents love Leonard.

Leonard

Yeah. And my mother loves Penny, which is weird, because I never knew she could love.

Sheldon

You're probably wondering why I put you through this.

Leonard

You mean the last two minutes or the last twenty years?